


Re:live 7

by serendipitysara



Category: Original Work, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Anxiety, Canon Gay Character, F/F, Fairies, Fluff, Pre-Debut Bangtan Boys | BTS, Self-Growth, Sentimental, Strong Language, Time Travel, debut to now, kinda like bts world except for the managing part, no delulu shit, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:02:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 48,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25145878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipitysara/pseuds/serendipitysara
Summary: What would you do if you suddenly woke up 7 years back in time in a bathroom in Seoul, as a fairy, and beside a talking cat that tells you that you'll get to see BTS's debut showcase in ten minutes?aka, reminisce BTS's growth from their debut to real-time: starting from nobodies to becoming legends.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: this is my first ever fanfic,, and english isn't my first language so i apologize already for bad grammars or typos in the chapters but i've done my best to prevent that. 
> 
> i got inspired to write this by "we are bulletproof: the eternal"

**I:** when the universe turns purple

——

There is a saying in BTS’s fandom - or A.R.M.Ys, as they’re so greatly called -; “you will find BTS when you need them the most”.

Shockingly, that saying appears accurate for nearly every single army out there. Millions of unique individuals around the entire world, with different cultures, genders, sexuality, religions and so on, that are being collectively in a single fandom and finding comfort and affection towards the same seven men. The majority of them find the saying valid and authentic for them. That they found a light during their darkest night. A light that shone over all their pains and struggles. A light that healed their erratic heart and lonesome soul. A light so bright that they eventually started to illumine as well. The fact that lots of people can pertain to that, that a light source from seven young men can illumine a vast amount of people, that's.. incredibly insane.

\-----

_Tick, tick, tick_

Aya is laying down on the bedroom floor, breathing deep and contained breaths with her face covered under a fluffy pillow. The clock had already passed midnight and she’s just trying with all her might to be.. alright. Which is pretty ironic, her world is practically in an uproar, how could she be alright?

This kind of dreadful night wasn't anything unusual for her at this point, actually, she had been through this lots of times now. It’s when the night is darkest and the most silent, that’s the only time during the day where she would let her guard down for just a few seconds. When another useless day pass and her vulnerability is at its finest. It's also during these times where the anxiety comes creeping in, forcing her to meet regret in its fatal form, covering her mind with despair and devouring all the light. During those times she would pray, even though she doesn’t believe in any god, she would pray for the morning to come again - for the light to come back again, Pathetically clenching to that tiny bit of hope inside of her that someone would hear her.

_..Tick, tick, tick..._

“Keep on ticking like that and I’ll fucking kill you”, she says with a terrifyingly calm voice under the pillow.

_..Tick, tick, tick_

She sighs loudly in frustration and shoves the pillow that’s been laying on her head towards the loudly ticking clock on the wall. It has been three months since Aya’s country went into lockdown due to the pandemic. Only for three months, her entire life had managed to completely fall apart.

\-----

The first days in quarantine had actually been quite amusing for Aya. She finally had the time to unwind and do all the things she hadn’t been able to do before ‘cause of her hectic life. Aya Crown is a black french 20-year-old girl who loves sports and cooking. She’s also a professional part-time boxer and a college student on the side; majoring economics, so basically her life can get very... very busy.

With all the days in quarantine passing by, every one of them being nonscheduled, every one of them being so uneventful and lonely, she started to get restless. She’d felt exhausted after just staying in bed the entire day, things that usually felt so entertaining for her wasn’t that entertaining anymore and she started to spend an unhealthy amount of time on Netflix and social media. It was when her finals were all done and the semester got finished where everything really started to go downhill. Days spent in bed fighting off racists on twitter while shoveling in home-delivered pastries from the nearest bakery in her mouth became her daily life. Her mail had been constantly receiving texts and meal plans from her coach and manager for weeks but she ignored that. Actually, she didn't even want to think about replying to them at all, especially not now. She had started to gain some weight due to all the home delivery and lack of exercise and she would rather die than to tell them that. She could visually see in her head how coach Joe would clench his jaw and tighten up his big biceps while looking at her with a look worth being in _The Office_ whilst trying to keep his temper and Ms. Lavender would look up to the sky and say an impressive, innovative long sentence filled with curse words.

Sweet Lord, Aya hadn't even put on her boxing gloves for three weeks now. If only they would know how her past weeks had been like they would probably storm to her house instantly and beat her up, even if that would mean that they would've had to fight off the police and break temporary government laws. Lockdown or not, they would have come for her throat ’cause of her taking her career so half-heartedly.

Even if Aya had such a planned out life at such a young age with lots on her shoulders she still loved every single thing about it. She loved and cherished small things in life that other people usually took for granted. Like cooking a really good meal with her aunt - hanging out with close friends - eating out with Ms. Lavender and coach Joe after winning a game - studying at a cafe - throwing punches on the punching bag until her arms shake out of work and she’s drowned in sweat. She loved her life and she got no idea how everything went _so wrong_.

But there was one thing that happened during quarantine in which she would for the rest of her life appreciate and cherish. She found BTS. The seven-membered boy band from South Korea had taken over her life completely - only in a span of a week. It started with Aya scrolling through twitter for the 87th time that day and coming upon an article from _Variety Magazine_.

**'BTS and Big Hit Entertainment Donate $1 Million to Black Lives Matter'**

After that she saw their speech at the UN from 2018 - and at that point they already had her sold. But then she came across some of their performances... Saying that Aya was impressed was an understatement because she was absolutely in awe. Later on, she found herself watching multiple music videos from them and laughing over crackhead videos made by their fanbase.

“I'm just streaming some of their songs to show my gratitude”

“oh, I just want to learn their names that’s all”

“I'm just gonna watch one music video before I go to sleep”

(well Aya, you're not the first one)

\-----

Aya would have stayed on the floor if it wasn't for the ginormous spider under her bed, 10 inches away from her face. She blinked slowly a few times while eyeing the spider before standing up with such speed that the head rush she got after almost made her fall on her butt again.

Now she’s sitting on her bed, staring deeply at the wall. Today she had spent most of her day on youtube, watching BTS’s old live performances from tours. She knows that she has oodles of other things to do that are probably a lot more important but today she felt too overwhelmed with anxiety and BTS comforts her in a way she has never experienced before. But she had done some cooking today, which was a pretty great deal coming from her.

Aya falls down on the bed.

“You've done your best today, Aya. Good job”, she says loudly to herself.

She lets out another sigh. It’s true that she’s doing progress but she still has a lot to catch up on. If she’s gonna keep it up with this pace she would probably get her life back together again for late fall or even early winter knowing herself. Yeah, this slump could probably last for a while.

Aya lifts herself up from her bed and walks towards the window. The heat inside her room slightly annoys her. It makes her feel even more suffocated. She moves away the amber-colored curtains and her eyes meet tons of small twinkling dots upon the dark sky together with a stunning night view of the city, its buildings, and the harbor. She smiles softly. Her apartment house is placed high up in the city, near the mountains which gave the residents a delicate view over the second-largest city in France. She's been through hell to achieve all of this. Her gaze shifts down and by her surprise she could see a cat sitting by the street, looking up at her with big, glimmering eyes while hiding in the night’s shadow. It was a fairly big, fluffy cat with a bushy tail. Aya could roughly identify its color, probably brown? Aya isn't a cat person - actually she just isn't fond of animals in general - though there is something so celestial with the cat’s gaze that makes her feel a bit nervous.. but not in a bad way; more like butterflies in her stomach. Aya is still standing by her window, having her eyes locked with the cat’s, and before she knows the cat disappears and leaves nothing but a faint rain of blue sparkles behind her. Aya blinks without moving a single inch, she rubs her eyes but when she moves her hands away the cat's still not there. Hasty, she closes the curtains and walks back to her bed. _Oh, I really need to catch up on some sleep._

20 minutes later the mysterious cat was long gone from Aya’s mind and instead of sleeping, she's now wrapped around a thin blanket in her bed, watching a compilation of BTS’s journey from their debut and crying silently. Oh, how much she wishes she could have found them during their debut days so she would've been with them from the absolute start. In 2013 her dumbass was instead dancing to “harlem shake” and singing to “let it go” from Frozen at 2 am in the morning while reading gay _Harry Potter_ fanfiction on Wattpad. Calling it “being regretful” is a distortion, Aya wants to sincerely go back in time only to punch herself in the face.

“WHY WAS I SUCH A STUPID KID”, she cries while slamming a pillow on her head repetitive times.

She puts down her laptop and sits up on her bed with her arms around her knees. She looks at the wall in front of her and let the tears on her cheeks dry out. She really wishes that she would have found them in 2013 so she could’ve been on their side throughout their newly blossomed career and support them from the very beginning.

With that wish in her head, she falls back at the mattress and finally falls asleep. In her dreams, she could see the cat from the street again but this time it’s in her room, watching her quietly with that powerful gaze.

When Aya wakes up again, after what felt like seconds, she got no idea where the hell she is because what she’s aware is that her bedroom roof is not in marbles - and that her bed is not this uncomfortable. She lifts herself up using her hands and realizes that no, she is not back home in her flat. Aya is in a jumbo bathroom that has to belong in a suite for giants. The walls were all in marble and on the opposite side of the room, there was a giant toilet. Aya’s in one of the bathroom’s corner, sitting on what seems to be the basin which is annoyingly also in shiny marble. Then her eyes lands on her body and she nearly starts to choke because she. was. in. a. dress.

Aya never wears dresses and especially not this tight, short nor colorful. It’s a blue shaded dress and it’s glittery. It goes to the middle of her thighs and fits tightly around her body, revealing her form. It’s a cute and glorious dress itself but Aya has never seen anything like it on herself before. She shrugs her head. This gotta be a dream, she’s still gotta be sleeping in her bed back home in Marseille. It can’t be anything else. She stands up and turns around. Suddenly she’s standing in front of someone that’s identical to herself.

_Wait. NO NO NO. This can’t be m-_

In the mirror, she could see herself from head to toe. The blue dress stops right over her chest and her long black hair is braided in lots of small braids. She’s also barefoot. But the most shocking thing is that behind her body two transparent wings were spreading on each side. She had _wings_.

_Why am I cosplaying Tinkerbell?_

She continues to inspect herself with a wrinkled nose and tries to soak up all the details.

“Oi, down here”, says a female voice behind her.

She turns around again, getting confused when she can't see anyone before she takes a few careful steps out on the basin, and looks down at the floor only to meet the cat from last night again. In the daylight, Aya could finally identify its color. It was a hazelnut-colored cat with big sandy eyes. And it _talked_. Yup, she’s definitely still dreaming.

“Aya Crown. I have been tailing you for a while now, let me introduce myself; I am Mace and I’m going to get you on a journey”, the cat says with a fruity voice.

Aya blinks slowly at the cat, trying to calm herself down even though she could feel a panic attack slowly arising.

_It’s just a dream Aya, play along_

“Well, um.. Where am I? Miss?”

The cat stares at her with frowned eyebrows as if the question isn't obvious.

“Right now, we are in the lounge’s bathroom at mnet in Seoul, South Korea”, the cat responses.

“We are what-“

“Oh, and let me add that we have also traveled back in time a bit. It’s June 13th today, 2013. BTS’s debut showcase starts in ten minutes, you should go get ready”

Aya stands there, not moving an inch with her jaw gaping and eyes wide.

_no. f*cking. way._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me dropping 2 chapters at once :') 
> 
> im sorry for the poor word count but im really not used to write a lot so pls bear with me. the next chapters will definitely have a bit higher word count!!

**II** : from the beginning

——

Aya doesn't know what to believe. This whole thing feels so surreal - even for only being a dream. But the look in the cat’s eyes is steady and serious. The cat doesn't lie about this, that is one thing for sure. She’s going to see BTS, she’s going to be at their debut showcase, she really is going to see them. But in only ten minutes? And “go get ready”? How the hell is she supposed to get ready? Should she wear something that doesn’t draw much attention? But how could she do that? All her stuff is back at her apartment and the year is 2013, what was even trendy during 2013? Thigh gap?

_Calm down, Aya_

“So.. Uhm, can you tell me a bit more what’s going on right now, miss?”, she asks.

The cat glares at her and for a second Aya feels a bit scared.

“Haven’t I told you enough already? I swear kids these days just lose more and more brain cells for each day that passes”, the cat snaps. “And you can call me by my name, young girl”

Oh, how unfortunate for the cat to have to take care of Aya, the most stubborn girl in Marseille.

“I woke up as damn Tinkerbell in a bathroom at the opposite side of where I fell asleep and also 7 years back in time! You are not gonna come at me for being confused. Tell me more, kitty, what is going on, and what the hell am I doing here?”

She started to get furious and if the cat will continue with its bullshit then- She wakes up from her thoughts when the cat sighs and starts talking again with its bushy tail fluttering from side to side.

“We are going to go on a journey, young girl. Didn’t you wish for that yesterday; to be by those boys’ side from the beginning?”

Aya nods. The anger had already run off her and she feels a bit embarrassed for yelling so loud to the cat before. Why did she take it so seriously? It’s only a dream anyway, there’s probably nothing weird behind it, no need to rage out on a fluffy cat.

The cat continues talking.

“Well, that’s what we’re going to do. We will follow them on their journey throughout the years from their debut until real-time. Sometimes you’ll receive some missions to do - but those are essential work that you gotta do later on as an army. That’s everything you need to know I guess, or do you have any other questions?”

“You told me to get ready earlier, what do you mean by that?”

The cat looks suspicious at first - trying to decide whether or not Aya’s fooling her, but when she realizes that Aya is being serious she chuckles loudly. It was a wheezing kind of laugh, not human-like at all.

_So this is how it sounds like when cats are laughing… creepy_

“Your most treasured wish was to become the first fan of that band. The same band that you will see performing in less than ten minutes and you’re telling me you are fully prepared for that? I have seen you crying over those boys by just looking at a picture of them!”, the cat continues to chuckle.

Aya opens her mouth to defend herself but can't manage to say anything, she's too flustered by the cat's words.

_How long have I been watched by that cat?_

She hears a voice in her head that reminds her to ask the cat the most important question here.

“Eh.. miss?”, she starts.

The cat looks at her with bored eyes.

“How come I look like Tinkerbell?”

“That is a pretty complicated question actually, but long story short; you are a fairy right now. It will make it easier for you during this journey since you are so small and can fly too”

_I- I can fly?_

Suddenly the cat stops looking at her and hisses something on a language Aya doesn’t understand, the cat jumps up to her by the basin and bends down, reminding Aya how small she actually is at the moment.

“Jump on. Because of all of your stupid questions, we do not have much time left”

Aya keeps her mouth shut ‘cause she got the answers to her questions - or some of them - and also because she will not miss this opportunity to see her boys. Absolutely not, or else she’ll regret it for the rest of her life.

Aya does some failing tries to crawl up at the cat’s back before she remembers that she has wings. As if she’s done this multiple times before she starts to concentrate on the wings at her back, imagining the feeling of flying. Slowly her wings start to flicker and she levitates from the basin. She feels the adrenaline running through her entire body, butterflies in her stomach that are fluttering wildly, and her heart beating so fiercely to the point where she can hear its beating echoing in her ears. Alive. She feels alive. She lands softly at the cat’s back, immediately sinking through the cat’s fluffy fur.

_Gosh, I’m tiny._

She crawls forward until she sits on top of the cat’s head.

“Hold on tight or else you will fall off”, the cat states.

Aya takes a firm grip on the fluffy fur with her hands and presses her legs against the cat’s neck. If the cat felt any pain, she didn’t say anything about it.

“Let’s get going then”

And with those words, the magical cat and fairy disappear from the bathroom. During the short period of teleportation they travel through darkness for a few seconds, Aya feels as if she’s being dragged by her belly button even though she’s pretty sure they are standing still. The feeling starts to die out and Aya lightens her grip around the cat’s fur but then suddenly a strong wave of wind meets them from below. The powerful wind makes Aya lose her grip with her legs and she hangs desperately in the cat’s fur with bare hands while her legs floats in the air above her. For a scary second, Aya feels like she’s gonna fall off. But as sudden as it came, the strong wind disappears and Aya falls flat into the comfy fur.

“I told you to hold on tight!”

“I’m sorry”, Aya says into the fur.

She sits up and observes the new setting. They are in a big hall with poor lightning and gray, low walls in the room creating parted spaces where plenty of same-themed clothes are hanging upon hangers. The hall is filled with people; well-dressed people looking like models standing in each little room and other people fully dressed in black - probably the staff - running from left to right while assisting them.

_Are we in the dressing room?_

Aya wants to look further in the hall, her curiosity had started to light up being in this kind of environment where excitement and uneasiness fill up the air. It reminds her a tiny bit of how it is backstage during a boxing game… she hasn’t noticed how much she’s been missing it. But unfortunately, the cat starts to paws away and they leave the lively scene. They wander around backstage of the studio and Aya glances up at the giant people, trying to absorb their stimulated energy.

“Can’t they see us?”, she asks.

“No, they can’t. We are covered by an invisibility shield at the moment”

“Wow. That’s really cool”

The cat mumbles something muffled as an answer.

They don’t stop until they’ve wandered around the entire studio and moved from backstage to the performing stage and are now standing behind the crowd. Even without the invisibility shield, they wouldn’t have gotten noticed by anyone. The entire crowd was facing forward towards the idols dancing and singing on the stage and didn’t take a single glance at the back where they were standing. Aya felt a bit uncomfortable being around so many people after socially distancing herself for weeks and she had to constantly remind herself that she’s not really there, ‘cause she’s still dreaming back home in Marseille.

“I can’t see anything, can I fly up?”, she asks.

Aya has to scream for the cat to hear even though she’s inches away from its ear. It’s dark in the studio with loads of people in the crowd. The music is blasting together with loud cheers from the crowd. Aya could notice the change in the air on the stage compared to how it was in the dressing room. It was still as lively but the former uneasiness had been replaced by.. confidence.

“No, not yet. Wait for a bit”, the cat responds.

Aya didn’t understand what they were waiting for but then the surrounding started to fade away together with the sounds and a purple beam from above started to shine over them. A loud male voice filled up the emptiness but then she realized that the voice was coming from her _head_.

_`Welcome Aya Crown on the Journey. You will now see BTS’s debut showcase and you will soon change back into your human form for the mission´_

The male voice sounded like it came from a commercial. Aya got stuck up on one word that the voice had said: _mission_. Is she going to have a mission already?

 _`Do not worry´_ , the voice reassures with a joyful tone, as if it could read her thoughts.

_`Your first mission will be to do the fanchant during BTS's performance. You will still be under the invisibility shield but your voice will be heard regardless. Now good luck and have an enjoyable time. We’ll meet again shortly´_

With those words, the purple beam dies out and the surrounding comes back again collectively with the loud music. Aya lets the information sink down before she jumps off from the cat, letting her bare feet touch the dirty, cold floor while waiting to transform. First, she just stands there, looking like a fool but then she blinks and all the giant people in front of her turns into her length. Aya looks down and realizes that she still wears the pajamas that she wore before she fell asleep, she starts to feel a bit embarrassed until she gets reminded of The voice’s words: that she still is under the invisibility shield. Aya looks down to her left, searching for the cat’s eyes but instead there’s just an empty space. Not having the cat by her side makes her feel a bit uneasy but that feeling quickly disappears when the show’s MCs start talking. One of them had bright pink-colored hair and both were wearing stripes. The thing that surprised Aya the most was the fact that she understood everything they were saying perfectly - even though she’s not fluent in Korean at all. Was this something that also came with this dream? Being bilingual?

The MC’s introduction ended with the words “..hot debut; bangtan sonyeondan” and then the music started to play.

‘We are bulletproof pt. 2’ blasts in the studio and on the stage are seven young boys dancing and singing dressed in black and gold with chains around their neck.

_They are.. amazing_

Aya stands there completely in awe with her hands tied together at the front of her heart. Seeing them live compared to seeing them online was a huge difference. The stage presence, the facial expressions, the vocals, the dancing, absolutely everything was just breathtaking and here they were only rookies. The crowd cheered loudly when they lifted up their shirts during Jeongguk’s verse - including Aya. During the hat trick at the end of the song the whole crowd collectively let out a “ _wow_ ” and Aya could also hear some “ _daebak_ ” around herself which made her feel like a proud mom. She stood there grinning widely and cheered for the boys - the same boys who’ve made her so so happy since she found them a while ago; but here they're 7 years younger. ‘We are bulletproof pt. 2’ ended and the lights went off. Then the intro for ‘No more dream’ started blasting before Namjoon’s voice filled up the studio with _“hey you what’s your dream?”_

Aya had so much fun that she nearly forgot about her mission before she felt something soft stroking around her legs. She looked down only to meet eyes with the cat again.

_Oh right, I have a mission_

Not like she’s been screaming and cheering for them during the entire time already.

After what felt like seconds it all ended.

“What, no!”, she says loudly after their performance.

This felt like a tease, she wanted more. She felt so excited, something she hasn’t felt in so long. Some people near her turned around to see where the voice came from, confused when all they could see was an empty space.

Suddenly she starts to shrink again, becoming small as an ant among people big as giants. She sighs.

_No, it can’t be over already!_

“Stop crying and jump on”, the cat stated, waking her up from her thoughts.

She looks up to the cat.

“Don’t give me those puppy eyes. We still have some things left to see”, the cat said silvery.

The cat’s sudden soft voice was convincing enough and her wings took her back up at the cat’s head.

This time they used teleportation to get backstage, instead of walking around the entire studio. Aya made sure to hold on tight this time. They were back in the dressing room again and Aya was not prepared to see what was waiting for her. BTS was like 30 feet away from her, so close that she unknowingly stopped breathing for a few seconds. But during the rare, short times she could see them clearly when they weren’t covered by any from the staff, there was something unreadable in their eyes. It wasn’t relief but neither the opposition as there wasn't any satisfaction but it wasn’t disappointment either. It was.. some kind of determination.

Aya knew by then that if she would’ve found them in 2013, she would’ve known that they were going to be something big.

While the scene starts to fade away, Aya whispers out loud as she buries her body into the cat’s soft fur.

“You’ll become the biggest group in the entire world”

Her gaze was stuck on the boys until the scene ended. She blinks again, now experiencing a whole new setting. She could hear the disembodied voice speaking to her again in her head.

_`Welcome again, Aya. We’re continuing our journey, leaving 2013 to face 2014; an important year for BTS’s career´_

She closes her eyes slowly and breathes in the cat’s scent. She was already so tired. She hadn’t had such an eventful day for what felt like ages. However, she couldn’t help her quickly beating heart and how it even skipped some heartbeats sometimes. Her excitement was overwhelming after it being nonexistent for weeks and she couldn’t wait to continue to see the boys’ growth. Aya smiles gently before she and the cat enters another year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, luvs 
> 
> pls check these sites as well:  
> https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/  
> https://junkterrorbill.carrd.co/  
> https://yemencrisis.carrd.co/
> 
> next chapter will be published hopefully in a few days!! let me know what you think abt the fanfic so far & take care <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘your eyes tell’ is sooo beautiful :((

**III:** colors, noises, and sparkles

**——**

Aya opens her eyes and crosses her eyebrows by the sudden environmental change. 

She was sitting down on a comfortable office chair in white leather and wheels at the feet next to what looked like a gaming setup. Two computers beside each other - probably brand new, considering the screens not having a single footprint on them - were in front of her, upon a white desk of high gloss and a shiny raven keyboard. Her gaze leaves the screens and darts around the setting only to see.. white. It was a completely empty, white void. The raven keyboard in front of her was really glowing in contrast. 

_Jeez, what’s up with the minimalistic design?_

Even the air felt neat and clean, like fresh sheets or new furniture. She noticed how she’s in her fairy form and how her wings behind her are uncomfortably pressed against the chair’s armrests. It was the first time she actually felt big in her fairy shape. Aya scratches herself at the back of her head with a frown upon her face when the computers suddenly turn on, making Aya’s hands shoot up towards the sky. 

Then The voice started talking to her with its usual commercial, uplifting tone. However it didn't happen in her head, no, its voice was loudly echoing in the empty void making her unknowingly spin around 180 degrees in the office chair, eyes searching for speakers, or something that could explain the loud noise.

_`Hello again, Aya´,_ they said, dragging out on the words.

_`Right now it is February 11th, 2014: February 12th in 5 minutes. In five minutes BTS’s second mini-album will be released together with a music video for the title track ‘boy in luv’ - the same music video that was roughly bashed and accused of plagiarism by the Korean music industry. Your mission is - for an hour - to stream the music video´_

_Oh, streaming? Seriously? And only for an hour? Couldn't they come up with something better? I could do that sh*t is in my sleep_

Cockiness is a big trait with Aya. 

` _You sure seem confident Aya, but let me finish. In 2014, streaming was not anything relevant nor well-known so you do not have to be as careful as you have to be when streaming in 2020´_

”So… I can act like a bot?”, she asks loud into the air. 

` _..pretty much, yes. Still, you gotta be careful. Make sure the video has high quality and do not skip ads. I also think you should watch another music video in between once a while too - but as I said earlier: no need to stream it as accurately as to how you do back home. Alright?´_

”Uh-huh”

Aya couldn’t restrain her confidence, her nose was high up in the air and her back had gotten more straightened where she sat while her dark eyes were practically sparkling. 

` _Well then, good luck´_ , they declared. 

There was an anomaly in those words. Aya felt like they were secretly mocking her. However, she didn't care so much. She knew what she was getting herself into, it's streaming we're talking about here, it's not that complicated. 

When she finally spins back around again, the screens in front of her was already displaying _1thek_ ’s youtube site. 

Aya had never been streaming during a comeback before - she became a fan like ten days ago, what do you expect? - but it was one of the first things that she’d learned to do for BTS. Because that was the kind of way in which she showed her gratitude towards the boys for their big donation to the _black lives matter_ movement. She remembers how she searched up on twitter on how to stream music videos properly because that’s what she wanted to do: thank them properly. That particular streaming session is also what led her to the rabbit hole later on. But that’s another story. 

She looks up at the top corner of the right screen in front of her.

_11.59 PM_

Her shoulders started to jump up and down due to her rising excitement. She even started to warm up her knuckles by doing some stretches. Will this count as her first BTS comeback?

Then the clock finally turned to 12 am and it became February 12th, 2014. Aya refreshed the site. First up on the feed was Taehyung’s face in his reddish hair, triangle formed black earrings and delicately captioned eyes with dark eyeliner. 

[MV] BTS(방탄소년단) _ Boy In Luv(상남자)

_Oh boy.. let’s do this_

She clicks on the video without further hesitation and bighit’s intro starts to play. Aya’s gaze was focused on the screen and her heart leaped up for enthusiasm. She had never seen this music video, but she had heard the song. That was one of the best parts of this journey: she was also following BTS’s growth in discography and was discovering all their remarkable songs that she hadn’t heard yet. 

The bighit intro ended and Aya took a deep breath, joy shimmering inside of her at the same time. 

\-----

An hour later the computer turns off making Aya lift her arms up quickly. 

“What? NO- I was in the middle of the video! Now that view won’t count!”, Aya whines loudly, putting her hands on the back of her head in despair. 

` _Good job, Aya. Let’s continue the journey´_

Aya recovers from her shock by those words as her hands fall down, hanging by her sides and her eyebrows raised high. 

“Wait, is this the _only_ scene for 2014? Seriously?”

They kept quiet and she opened her mouth to say something petty but before she had the chance to, the empty and quiet white room got replaced by a loudly cheering crowd in a big venue with spotlights running all over the place, lighting up the otherwise dark area in various colors. Aya was standing at the back on the second floor of the venue, peeking curiously down at the stage below. She was back in her human form and probably still under the invisibility shield since no one was taking any notice of her. 

Aya turned around with her eyes fixated on the floor. 

_Where’s kitty?_

Aya starts to feel a bit anxious being around so many people again and the loud music makes it harder for her to think. She squats down and takes some deep breaths with her eyes tightly closed. She refuses to have a panic attack here - no, absolutely not. 

Luckily, after a few deep breaths, her thoughts got a bit more clearer and that’s when she starts to realize that the music that’s loudly playing is _not_ in English. She looks back up again and sees on a jumbotron “KCON 2014 IN LA” with big letters.

_Oh_

Then The voice starts talking in her head again, making her hop in surprise. 

` _The second scene for 2014 is, of course, KCON in Los Angeles where BTS gained a lot of recognition and American fans´_

The male voice was nearly singing out his sentences. 

_`Los Angeles Times even said in a review that “_ _the group made the strongest impression of all the U.S.-debuting acts_ ”. _No one can ever talk about KCON 2014 without mentioning BTS because they definitely stole the show that night. And that's exactly what you will witness right now_ ´

Aya felt like her heart was going to jump off her chest, _that's_ how excited she was. She felt a familiar soft caress around her calves and smiled big towards the cat on the ground with eyes filled with euphoria. If Aya wouldn't have been so blind in happiness and have her head filled with BTS then she would have noticed the cat's subtle smile in response. 

The spotlights turned off and on the jumbotron shined three big letters that made everyone in the arena scream at the top of their lungs - especially Aya. The jumbotron continued to declare the performing artists of the night together with an echoing loud voice in the background and the large crowd cheered for everyone with their extended lightsticks in hand that shifted in different colors as the spotlights. She took a hesitant step forward and gave an unsure glance towards the cat. The cat nodded, confirming her unsaid question and Aya smiled widely, making her eyes twinkle in the darkness before she bounced forward to the railing. 

A loud siren filled up the arena and the stage below turned red from the spotlights. 7 boys in black suits came up on the stage, standing shoulder to shoulder in a straight line.

“Yeah, it's BTS”

The siren got replaced by a marching sound and the old BTS logo showed up on the jumbotron. The lights got turned off again, making the multi-colored lightsticks glow immensely in the dark before the performance started. 

While seeing them perform Aya acknowledged how the crowd also got truly affected by BTS’s insane energy since everyone was cheering, dancing, and singing along to the songs with such excitement. It felt like the whole arena was alive. 

After they performed “boy in luv” followed up by “no more dream” it was time for the introduction where Aya got the chance to look at them more properly. Compared to the scene from 2013 there were no super extensive changes, appearance-wise. But Namjoon had straight, blond hair that was pushed back, and Yoongi's black hair was finally fully seen. Something that Aya also realized was much they _haven't_ changed, now comparing to how they are back in 2020. Because they still have that interesting determination in their eyes, the outstanding performing skills, and that extraordinary energy which affects you from head to toe and will make you feel so much alive. For every single show, they'll perform like it is their last. That was the most fascinating thing, she thought. That they still had all that, even after 7 years. 

_I am.. so proud of them_

The performance continued with “We are bulletproof pt. 2” and then the underrated masterpiece “I like it”. Aya got so hyped up during the show that when “I like it” ended she was sweating nearly as much as the members. She had been dancing, singing, and screaming so much that her throat had started to get sore. 

When Aya thought the show was over and she felt the post-concert depression kicking in, Namjoon started talking.

“We got the last thing, you know. Okay, if you know this- like follow us, right”

Ayas heart started to beat faster again.

“When I say BANG! You say TAN! BANG-” The boys pointed their mics towards the crowd.

“-TAN!” The shouting from thousands of people was killing for the eardrums. 

“BANG-”

“-TAN!” Aya put her hands to the air while she shouted loudly to the point where her throat parched. 

They continued playing with the audience making Aya amazed by how easily they could engage with so many people. 

For the end of their performance, the rookie group on the stage performed a song that Aya had never heard before. After another three minutes of Aya having the most fun she'd ever had for months - or, even years - ago, and after another three minutes of an incredible performance; BTS’s KCON performance for 2014 ended, as well as the last scene for 2014 of Aya's journey.

\-----

Aya’s back in the empty white void where she earlier had had her streaming session. She’s sitting down with her head resting on the desk feeling a bit overwhelmed after the show. BTS was the opening stage for the concert and as soon as their performance ended Aya returned to the empty void in a matter of a blink. The cat was sitting beside her on the desk, staring at her with judgemental eyes.

“Why are you being so down? You have.. well, at least 6 scenes left of this journey. You will see them again, stop making a fuss”

Aya groans, still not moving an inch. 

The cat shakes her head and sighs before she paws closer to the fairy. 

Aya would never admit it, but she was completely exhausted. Currently, she’d only been through three scenes during the journey, three scenes which had given her so much euphoria and made her entire soul feel warm only by thinking about it. It had been a tremendous change compared to how her life has been for the past few weeks. But that had also brought her exhaustion. It was humiliating that she deep down had a tiny little wish for the dream to end. It was humiliating and so selfish of her that Aya couldn't feel anything but resentment towards herself. Instead, she let her upper body sink down over the desk and her eyes to flutter shut. She told herself that all she needed was a brief time to rest for a bit, then repeated it to herself all the times it required until it became a fact. 

”Kitty”, Aya says, voice breathy, without lifting her head up from the desk. ”Why are you doing this?” Aya drags out the words. 

Her lack of perception had started to become too disturbing for her at this point. It was still incredibly unclear what the hell she was doing and she’d started to doubt if it all truly was a dream because her brain cannot make up all _this._ So she did have some thoughts that maybe her body was still back in Marseille and that she’s doing this journey with her spirit. Or it could've been something in that pastry she’d eaten that evening, regardless of what it was, Aya was hella confused. 

The cat didn't even question what Aya had meant with ”this”, the cat just simply replied as if it was obvious, as she already understood. It was relieving since Aya would probably not have the energy to explain herself.

”Well, first of all, I'm not the one who set up all these journeys”

J _ourneys,_ so she's not the only one who has gone on a journey. Aya will probably ponder over that information later when everything is over. 

Right now, she didn't know whether she felt relieved - because this means that she's not alone and that there are others who also have experienced... whatever she’s experiencing right now, others that will believe her if she ever mentions this journey ever again -, or to her shame; if she felt disappointed - since this also means that she's not any special. 

“There's a vast possibility that I know exactly as much as you do about what this journey holds in the future. I'm only your guide through all of this, being by your side and sometimes being your transport to the scenes. I got no idea what your missions will be or what kind of scenes we will see. The only information I receive is the locations and the dates”

Aya finally lifts herself up from the desk, grimacing at the pains that radiate from her back and neck. She reaches her arms up the sky, grunting by the stretch, before she sinks back down in her seat, blinking towards the cat as her eyes adjust. 

“But, why?”

The cat gave her a half-smile, staring at her with those powerful, yellowish eyes. 

“Hopefully you will be able to answer that question for yourself when this comes to an end”

Aya waits for the cat to say something more but the cat keeps her mouth shut. A ringing, loud noise takes them back to reality again. The cat breaks the stare, her gaze moves up, and then back again to Aya.

“So, are you ready to continue your duty, being your boys’ first fan?”

Aya nods before standing up, stretching out her legs. The cat jumps down from the desk before she transforms and becomes ten times as big. Aya stares amazed up at the ceiling, but she couldn't see its details. She wonders curiously how big this void actually is. 

“Wait- Kitty”, Aya blurts out, even making herself surprised. 

The cat - which had gotten big as an elephant - turned her fluffy head, facing Aya with a confused look. 

“Uhm... Do you also have a human form by any chance?”

That was a question Aya had been longing to ask. Once in high school, she'd read a book about fairies and the mythology behind it. It wasn't for an assignment or anything that made her lent that book from the library, it was just a pure appealing that she felt in her stomach that made her lent it. As if she had to read it. It was in that book she had stumbled on magical animals that were helping both humans and fairies but lived in the fairy world. The magical animals gained a tool that made it easier for them to carry out their work; they had the ability to switch into human form. Ever since this journey started, Aya had been secretly wondering if the cat, Mace, also had a human form. The cat could literally talk and use teleportation - what could she not do?

A heavy lull fell over the void and the cat stared at Aya with unreadable eyes. Aya opened her mouth to apologize but a gentle _POOF!_ muted her. Blue sparkles fell over her, the same ones that Aya had seen that one night when she first met the cat, the night before this dream started. Behind the rain of the blue sparkles stood a young woman, huge in comparison to Aya, with long blonde hair and gold-colored skin. The woman didn't look so much older than Aya was. She was dressed in a tight violet dress, similar to the one that Aya was wearing except her dress was longer and went a short bit over her knees. Behind her spread surprisingly two wide, transparent wings. The foreign woman in front of her was _gorgeous -_ no, not even that was enough to explain her visuals, the woman looked straight up like a _goddess_. Aya could feel her face heat up and butterflies in her stomach which were fluttering very wildly. 

“Stop drooling”, the woman says with the cat’s voice. Aya felt the blush on her face getting excessive. That's when Aya notices that the woman still has Kitty’s powerful yellow eyes.

_It really is kitty_

Then the beautiful foreign woman disappears with the same _POOF!_ and get replaced by the huge cat again with the same eyes. 

“We really have to go now, so jump on” 

Aya swallowed hard before she flew up to the cat. She was still blushing furiously as they traveled to the next year and the next scene. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi dears :*
> 
> jus so you know, there may be some misinformation in this chapter but yea, i hope you enjoy it anyway!! ily

**IV:** a friend

——

During the onset of Aya’s sixteenth spring, she’d come to a realization about what she… _preferred._ A scary year. That's considerably the easiest way she could describe the epiphany of her real self. Something that she’d been trying to reject, precisely as she usually did with the rest of her personality. 

She also finds that year very irrational - a year where everything was nebulous, as well as a year where nothing had ever seemed as clear and explicit. As if her life had always been behind a heavy and tight mist and she for the first time ever in her life, got the ability to see through it. 

However, when you gain some you lose some. What made Aya finally understand and see herself also led to her losing her (very religious and ”traditional”) parents. Long story short; her parents, that before loved her more than anything, didn't want to have ”someone like her” under their roof and sent her off to her aunt. Aya still doesn't comprehend her parents’ decision: sending their daughter off to very punk, badass, madly fierce aunt Carlin instead. But Aya truly didn't mind. 

Aunt Carlin was Aya’s mother’s younger sister. She’s a single woman without kids and in her mid-30s. A first look at aunt Carlin makes you instantly know what kind of person she is. From her dark afro hair and her strong eyes delicately accentuating by dark eyeliner to her tight leather pants and biker jacket which was covering her tattoos crawling over her dark-skinned arms. Her entire aura was filled up with youth and experiences. You'll know that she won't give a single fuck about you unless you do something very shitty, and then you're practically screwed. Regardless of Aunt Carlin’s outer attitude, she treated Aya like her own daughter from the very start - even though they hadn't spent so much time together before. Aunt Carlin was also the one that acquainted Aya to boxing, calling it ’a very efficient sport for releasing inner feelings when life gets fucked up’. 

Aunt Carlin wasn't anything like her parents and that includes her sight upon queer. Actually, the first thing that came out from Aunt Carlin’s mouth when Aya told her that she liked girls was 6 words; ”I think I might do too”. An episode in Aya’s life that she would likely never forget for the rest of her life. They had Mexican take-out that night, and it was pouring rain outside. The radio was on, playing pop songs from various, famous artists but the music was deeply inundated by the girls’ chatter. Sitting on the floor, babbling about trivial things became one of Aya’s beloved things to do with her aunt. Something as simple as that made Aya exceedingly joyful. Aunt Carlin had been talking about a weird ex she’d had during her college years (” _you_ went to college?” ”yes I did… stop looking so surprised!”) and taken away by the mood, it just slipped out of her tongue. 

”and that’s why I prefer girls”

Aya didn't realize what she confessed until her words faded awkwardly away and a sudden silence fell over them. The music playing from the radio became audible again. Aya couldn't lift her gaze up from the floor and started to intertwine her hands together. When Aya couldn't bear the silence anymore she peeked up to see her aunt staring out to space while rubbing her chin pensively. 

”I think I might do too”

From getting kicked out of home by her parents after her first confession to being able to giggle after her second, that wasn't an iota. 

Thinking back to that moment still made Aya tear up a bit because during that moment she for the first time felt like her real self got accepted. 

\-----

Aya had already gotten used to teleportation at this point. It was easier though when they teleported through time instead of places. During time-traveling, you won’t feel that sharp wind that nearly provokes you to fall off, and in the void in between, you could see brief highlights from the year instead of complete darkness. However, it doesn’t take as much time to teleport as it does to time-travel. During the period of time while in the void between 2014 and 2015, Aya notices all the quick images with small golden texts under - which you nearly don't have time to read - that's around them that abstract the past year. Images of a luxurious lab with lots of adults in white rocks, observing a big red planet - ”life on Mars?”, a newborn baby wrapped around a white blanket - ”England's royal baby”, a tremendous star-looking thing gliding over a clear sky - ”meteor crashing in Russia” and three black women clothed in tight ebony dresses each with mics in hand - ”destiny’s child reunion”. 

It was weirdly enough, pretty intriguing, to be back at the giant toilet at mnet again for the fourth scene of her journey. The last time she’d been there was for her first scene, which happened.. a couple of hours ago? Aya had lost her time perception as soon as this dream started. She was completely clueless about how much time she’d spent on the journey so far and to be honest, she kinda didn’t want to know. That would just make her think about how much time she had left of this journey, how much time she had left before her euphoria will dissipate and she’ll be back in her depressing life again. 

She shrugs her head. No, she shouldn't think about time. Right now she’s happy and that’s all that matters for the moment.

Aya leaves her distressed mind and comes back to the present. Her eyes scan through the bathroom. Even though for Aya it had only been a few hours (probably?) since she’d been in the bathroom doesn’t change the fact that 2 years had passed... and it still looked thoroughly the same. 

Everything was in its same positions and still shining in white marbles. Aya smacked amusingly with her lips. She lifted herself up from the comfy fur and stood up with her hands upon her hips. 

“Not a lot has changed, right kitty?”, Aya says with a grin.

The cat mutters. 

Aya stares down at kitty’s head, trying to catch a slight glimpse of those sand-colored eyes. Aya hasn’t yet tried to comprehend the cat’s other, human, form. Whenever she thought about it she could feel her cheeks heat up again and that really annoyed her. She couldn’t have been that affected by her extroverted self not meeting anyone in weeks that she’d fallen for a _cat_ ? Or could she? There was also one thing she thought a lot about, why did the cat’s _human_ form still have _wings_? 

A creaky sound wakes her up from her thoughts and the bathroom door slams up open. Aya’s hand flies up to her mouth which had awkwardly letten out a high-pitched shout. She freezes. 

In through the door, peeks a short man in tawny-colored skin and long, brown hair tied up in a bun. Bushy eyebrows over dark, hooded eyes, a long nose, and dimples. The man was _gorgeous_. He looked like he was in his 20s and wore - to Aya’s amusement - a patterned pajamas set.

Aya thought about what The voice had told her during her first mission: that even though she's under an invisibility shield, others could hear her. 

The man’s eyes grazed through the room slowly, coming closer to where Aya and the cat stood on the basin. Aya’s heart stopped beating when his dark eyes landed on her. Their eyes were locked for a second before his eyes went on moving, this time landing on the huge cat beside her. How could he see them? The pretty man standing in the doorway broke into a wide smile. 

”It’s been a while, Mace”, he said with a gentle voice. 

The cat beside her sighed but looked amusingly back at the grinning man.

Aya’s eyes went quickly and confusingly between the cat and the pretty man. 

_..what is going on?_

\-----

Apparently, the man was called Felix and was a 24-year-old man from the Philippines. He works as a musician and moved to Paris together with his girlfriend a year ago. He’s also a part of the fairy community where the cat comes from and he’s also an army… a real _debut_ army. 

Okay, not solely a debut army but Felix found BTS in 2014 after the release of ’Danger’ and BTS’s first full-length album ’Dark & Wild’ and has been a fan ever since. 

Felix was much quieter and gentler than what Aya expected. He’d transformed into his fairy form and was sitting beside her and kitty at the basin. He was constantly talking to her with a soft voice, never interrupted her when she was speaking, and smiled a lot too. His whole presence gave off a ”safe space” vibe as if everything was going to be alright and ”oh, you got nothing to worry about, look at the stars instead, aren't they beautiful?”. In the beginning, it kinda got on her nerves but after a while, his energy had sullied her and she felt more at ease, more comfortable. His fairy form consisted of tight leather pants in raven and a white button-up shirt that only went to a bit over his belly button and a pair of slight colored wings in a peach shade. His hair was also tied down and reached all the way to his waist. 

He told her that as soon as he’d fallen asleep last night he’d gotten a message from the fairy world telling him that he was going to meet her up and accompany her during her journey. It was all because of his experiences as a ”senior army” as he so proudly named himself, (Aya couldn't help but roll her eyes as of that comment), and that the ”dreamer” (”oh, is that me?” ”of course it is you”) needed some more guidance for comprehending the meaning of the journey. 

”So your role in this journey is pretty much a mentor?”, Aya asks. 

She hadn't expected another one to accompany her on the journey but to be fair, she hadn't expected any of this at all when she fell asleep previous night. 

Felix pressed his lips together and gave the cat beside her an amusing glance while lots of memories reflected in his eyes. Aya wondered what kind of relationship the handsome man had with the cat. Felix had told Aya that he also had been on a journey a few years ago, Aya wanted to ask if Kitty had been his guide during that time but there was something that held her back from asking. It was the same feeling she felt when Felix and Kitty greeted each other at the start. A knot in her gut that made her feel hesitant. As if she would ruin something as soon as she would open her mouth, so instead she kept quiet and waited for the moment to pass. Waited for the cramped feeling to pass.

Eventually, Felix turned his head back to Aya and gave her a reassuring smile that said everything she needed to hear to breathe again. _Don’t worry._

“Yes. I’ll pretty much be your mentor, Aya”, he said, still wearing that reassuring smile. 

Aya nodded. Aware of the knot in her gut untangle fairly.

“Well, now that everything’s sorted out-”, he took a pause to stand up and brush off nonexistent dirt from his thighs. “-why are we here?”, he concluded, standing with his hands on his hips. 

“Their first win, right? It’s the 5th May of 2015”, kitty casually answered from its seat.

“Yes, but we’re at the wrong place”

Kitty’s eyes got wider before her gaze became skeptical.

“No, that’s not what Manny told me”, Kitty said slowly as if she too wasn’t convinced by her own words. 

Aya knitted her eyebrows. 

_Who the f*ck is Manny?_

“Their first win was at SBS, not at MNET”, Felix asserted with raised eyebrows in confusion, making wrinkles on his forehead. 

The cat beside her gazed down with persistent eyes. Felix only sighed loudly before his lips formed into a small smile. 

“Well then, time to get moving”

\-----

There were a few things that Aya learned during the time between their departure from mnet and arrival at SBS. The first thing was that teleportation has a battery - for every minute that passes while in teleportation, that battery will decrease. The second thing was that time-travel through different years used up nearly half of that battery. The third thing was more of a reminder and that was that Aya still loathes going by bus.

Kitty didn’t have enough battery to teleport all the way to SBS, but they still used up everything that was left of the battery and ended up a few miles away from the studio. However, if they would choose to walk the rest few miles they would've missed the show so instead, they took a bus. 

The only reason why Aya agreed to their suggestion in the first place was that they said she would be allowed to go in her fairy form. Which in other words meant that she would be tiny and didn't have to be close to others. 

Aya had realized during these past weeks that social-distancing was in fact not that bad as it seemed like, she would happily like to distance herself from other people even after the pandemic is over. Even as an extrovert Aya wasn’t too fond of being in jam-packed places, especially when the place’s already a small space to begin with, as for example; _buses._

So there they were: two fairies and a hazelnut-brown cat under an invisibility shield, in the middle of a crowded bus in Seoul on a sunny evening on their way to SBS. Aya was a bit amused of the buses in Seoul being so clean and it wasn’t that atrocious until a middle-aged man stepped on the bus who probably hadn’t showered for a… very long time. Aya sat on a bus handle near the exit, maybe 10 feet away from the man but could still feel the scent of the foul-smelling man. His scent reminded her a bit of New York’s subway station, and that’s not a compliment. 

When Felix, who was sitting beside her on the bus handle, saw her grimacing face and wrinkled nose he shrugged his head and continued to glance around the bus. As if Aya was a little kid who wasn’t worth his attention. Kitty didn’t even bother to look at the fairies. Aya raised her eyebrows. 

“What?”, she hissed quietly.

Felix looked at her again with bored eyes and gave her a half-hearted smile.

“Nothing”

Aya snorted with her nose and pressed her lips together tight. If she didn’t, then she would most likely say something regrettable. Instead, she forced herself to gaze through the window, looking at the warmly lit up Seoul, its many buildings and people - anything, until the bus ride was over. Luckily the bus ride ended faster than she expected, making her feel even worse. She could have run the last few miles instead of going on that stupid bus ride. 

SBS Prism Tower was basically a huge perpendicular cuboid in glass and stone - the building was literally only windows. Sneaking into the stage inside the gigantic glass-building was incredibly easy, especially when you’re 7 inches tall and almost you’re entire presence is covered by a veil of invisibility. 

The arduous part of the sneaking was the fact that none of them had a single clue where the stage was. Neither one of them had a phone on themselves but Kitty contacted that _Manny_ from the fairy community with some kind of telepathy and found out that the stage was on the twelfth floor of the seventeen leveled building. They took the stairs rather than risking Kitty getting stepped on - the invisibility shield only makes your appearance invisible but you're still a mass of fat and muscles, others could still touch you. 

Aya soared over the stairs with fluttering wings with Felix beside her and Kitty running up the stairs below them. When they finally reached the twelfth floor the fairies transformed back into their human forms - Felix due to his own will and Aya automatically since she hadn't learned how to transform by herself. 

It was with distress they heard the music loudly playing behind the door, the show had already begun. They were late. 

Felix opened up the door to the stage slowly, not causing too much attention, before peeking his head out. 

Aya wondered for a second what would happen if they actually _caused_ attention. Since they had the invisibility shield over themselves, neither one of them would get caught, but on the other hand, they hadn't actually time-traveled so why was it so important for them to not cause attention? Yes, people would’ve may react but it’s not like they could’ve explained it, the three from the fairy world had their existence invisible. And what could actually happen if someone around them would hear them say anything revealing the future? This wasn't ’back to the future’, this was a dream. A very tortuous dream. So why did they have to keep it so low profile? 

Aya kept on wondering until Felix turned his head back and waved quickly with his hand, urging them to follow him as they did shortly after. 

The studio wasn’t any different than the one at mnet, maybe somewhat bigger, but other than that it was pretty much the same. For instance, every inch of the space that wasn't the stage was swarmed by chanting fans with lightsticks and banners. Aya sighed heavily. After the bus ride, she was not very content of the idea of being squeezed between lots of fans that probably wouldn’t be scared to use violence for a chance to get a good look at their favorite idols. Aya didn't blame them though, she was willing to do the same. However, her patience was low-hanging, so if someone didn't want a black eye with their own lightstick, then they should keep their distance from her. 

Kitty nudged her feet a bit to get her attention and gazed suspiciously at her. The cat didn't even have to say anything for Aya to catch the message. _Do not try to start anything._ Aya wrinkled her forehead pretending to be surprised. She dramatically put her hand on her chest but the cat didn't even blink. Aya let out another sigh and defeated, her hand fell down from her chest. _I won't._

Even though they were standing at the back of everything, Aya could still unproblematically enjoy the performances without tiptoeing over others’ heads - something that Felix seemed to struggle with - thank god that her parents were at least tall so they could provide her at least something useful.

Felix had told her that they missed BTS’s performance. Aya’s shoulders had sunk down a bit and she couldn't even bother to keep eye contact. He added though, with a softer voice, that they had the most important part left to watch. He’d patted her on her head with a warm smile that felt brighter than the sun. She managed to lift her head up and reply with a small smile. Yes, there’s more to see, this dream is not reaching its end, it’s all good, at least for now. So Aya continued to observe the performing artists on stage with her arms crossed over her chest. Her chest that felt a bit lighter than a minute before.

‘The most important part’ that Felix talked about never seemed to happen. They had come only 30 minutes late before - of course, was BTS one of the performing artists during those 30 minutes - so they had more than the majority of the program left. When it finally started to end were Aya and Felix sitting on the cold ground both in their pajamas playing rock, paper, scissors with Kitty laying next to them. The performances had already ended a few minutes ago and by the time when the commercial break was over was Felix standing up with hands on his hips and flushed cheeks, the blue spotlights in the studio looked like stars in his eyes and the crowd was screaming names of different idols. Aya managed to catch up with some of them. 

_JIMIN!!_ Felix’s words from earlier were echoing in her head. _The most important part._ Aya stood up immediately and glanced towards the packed stage. There they were, in the very front of the stage next to the MC’s, her boys.

Seeing them again felt like... coming home. The heavy knot in her gut dissolved, her shoulders dropped down from her ears, and warmth filled up her body. Soothing every inch of her dark skin, starting from her cold, bare feet, twirling around her heart and continuing all the way to her head. Aya exhaled a trembly breath and a smile instantly formed on her lips. She had missed them. For every second from the end of the previous scene up until now, she had missed them _so_ much. 

Her boys felt like home, they _were_ home. 

She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to Felix glancing at her with the same adoration in his face as what she felt. Right, she’s not the only one having so much affection towards the boys, there were lots of them - the fans around them screaming BTS’s names are a confirmation of that. To her surprise, she didn’t feel envious about that fact but rather felt more blessed. A community - where she belonged. A belonging, also thanks to the boys on the stage in front of her. They had given her _so_ much already. 

“Will you ever stop?”, she whispered out loud, smiling softly.

If Felix noticed her wiping hastily away tears under her eyes then he didn’t say anything, only kept his hand on her shoulder. 

When the MC’s had stopped talking - Aya hadn’t listened to a word what they had said - a chart of different idols came up the screen. BTS were the winning group on the first two categories that showed up on the screen, second-place for the third, last category but that was enough for them to win. An image of the boys filled up the screen together with the MC’s announce and congratulations. Confetti rained over the stage and the crowd was cheering loudly (Aya nearly had a heart attack of hearing soft and gentle boy Felix beside her screaming at the top of his lungs while clapping furiously with his giant hands). 

The two-year-old group BTS had a shocked expression that turned into sincere happiness. Making Aya cheer even more. Oh, how much they deserved it.

“This is their first-ever music show win!”, Felix whispered to her, still clapping. 

_And I got to be apart of it_

The actualization hit her right in the chest. 

When ‘I Need U’ started playing in the studio and the other artists left, having only BTS on the stage, someone took a tight grip on Aya’s forearm and dragged her away from the stage. They didn’t stop until the humans in pajamas and Kitty were back in the stairwell. Aya held back a whine. At least she’d seen the boys again, even though she started to feel gloomy again with the hefty knot in her gut back. She sighed before turning back into a fairy, following Felix and jumping on Kitty’s back. She could still hear the boys singing behind the door before a wave of darkness washed over them.

\-----

They teleported to the white void with the gaming set up which now had _two_ office chairs in white leather. Aya was sitting down in one of them and stared at the phone on the desk.

` _Welcome back Aya AND Felix - nice to see you by the way, bud´,_ the embodied male voice said, its voice echoing in the empty chasm. 

“Likewise, Manny!”, Felix answered loudly, giving one of his warm smiles up to the roof. 

_So this is Manny!_

` _You’re back from your scene for 2015 and are now taking off on another mission!´_

Aya had a bad feeling about this. She could see it on Felix’s rigid posture and how he had his lips curled. She lifted her gaze to Kitty who was hunching down in front of one of the turned-off screens, the cat stared back with unreadable eyes.

_`I’ll leave it off to you, Felix and I'll see you guys in a while´_

Felix had his head lowered down with an empty face expression. When he realized she was observing him, a faint smile formed on his lips and he nodded towards the phone Aya had been staring at since they arrived. Aya braced herself for his impending words. 

”The mission you'll have is about learning the public hardships BTS and armys had to go through”

Aya scowled her eyebrows. Felix sighed loudly.

”You’re going on twitter. BTS had their first win and you are going to trend a hashtag together with other armys celebrating that”

Aya waited for him to finish. She knew that there was more. Felix bit his lip.

”But you'll also see lots of hate comments against BTS, but if you answer one of them: fight back… then you'll fail this mission”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i went off with this chapter’s word count lol

**V:** flourishing

——

Aya can't do anything but blink towards the pretty man in front of her. Then she lets out a laugh. A loud, doubtful, and confused laugh that dies out quickly. She frowns her eyebrows again, staring at Felix with a sharp gaze, trying to seize a glimpse of any sign of foolery in his expression but he simply stares back, face solely serious. 

_ They cannot be serious about this, can't they? _

”Why?”, she asks with a raucous voice. 

Felix’s hands resting on his knees turns upside down and raises his eyebrows.

”I just told you! It's to learn more about BTS’s and ARMYs’ hardships”, he clarifies. Aya rolls her eyes in annoyance.

”No, not that. Why can't I answer the haters?”

His eyebrows fall down and he sinks down a bit in his seat, giving her a sly smile. He sighs another time, trying to gain the right words to use. 

”One of the many reasons why BTS is so successful is because ARMYs”. He took a pause to point at her and then on himself. “-focus more on the members and their career than the haters”

His eyes were wide and were searching for a confirmation that she understood. She nods slowly. 

“It’s not like we never speak up though. But you gotta be aware that BTS are one of the most hated on artists and you’ll meet a lot of people who doesn't want the best for the boys and so, it’s just the best that you learn already that you shouldn’t engage with that kind of negativity”, he finishes clearly.

Aya crosses her arms over her chest and tilts her head. She knows he’s right but the rage still claws in her chest, impending an outburst, wanting to get loud. Aya had learned early in her life how important it is to stand up for oneself and people you care about, and now she can't really understand how she’s just going to sit there, reading hate comments about the boys without doing anything. In her mind it was unacceptable. No way she was going to do that! 

Felix seems to sense her inner fight with her anger since his eyes are staring at her amusingly. She hates how easy it is for people to read her mind. He crosses his arms, tilts his head and glares at her with pursed lips. It takes a moment for Aya until she realizes that he’s _ mimicking _ her. Her eyebrows rise quickly, forehead wrinkling and she points at herself.

“Are you mocking me right now?”, she accuses him quietly, leaning forward in her seat. 

His arms fall back down on his knees as he leans closer to Aya. He smirks. 

“Not at all”

He nods towards the phone on the desk.

“Go ahead. Start your mission”

She glares at him before spinning around in the office chair, picking carefully up the phone. It feels cold in her hands. Aya had never been on a phone for the entire journey so far, a drastic change thinking about how she always used to have it by her side. But now with the phone in her hands, it feels a bit wrong, a source of negativity and anxiety. She taps subtly on the screen and it lights up immediately. After a few seconds of loading, twitter comes up on the screen. 

_ Twitter in day mode? Seriously? _

She bites her bottom lip before lifting her gaze up from the screen and landing it on Kitty. The sandy-colored eyes are gentle and comforting. Aya inhales deeply before diving into the phone. 

It wasn’t that bad at first - only very, very cringey sometimes. The ARMY twitter-timeline was flooded with different posts: edits, airport pics of BTS, #armyselcaday, drawings, gifs, etc. For some reason there were also some ship edits of the members - how that was relevant to their first win didn’t Aya know, neither did Felix when she asked him (“it was  _ 2015 _ , don’t be too harsh on us!”). To her satisfaction she hadn’t seen any hate comments yet, hopefully, she was on the right side of the timeline, she got no idea how the raging monster inside of her would react if she saw one though. 

It’s like when she’d seen all those racist posts and comments a few days ago when the black lives matter movement got attention. But that wasn’t only on twitter but  _ everywhere.  _ She thought it was funny, how white ass men in their 50s who hadn’t done shit in their lives but still was successful could have anything to say about  _ her _ rights. She hadn’t acted childishly, she argued with facts and receipts against those illogical men. However, something she didn’t realize was how much time she spent on that, how much  _ precious _ time she’d spent. Arguing with white ignorant men was like talking to a wall. She knew that, but the monster of rage inside of her needed to be released and out of all things, she’d chosen to do it on social media. 

Now, the monster was resting silently inside of her, subsisting in her breathes, like a ticking bomb waiting for the last blow. 

Aya posted some tweets too in an attempt to make the hashtag (“#BTS1stWin”) trend. Her heart had started to feel both warm and heavy at the same time whilst scrolling through all the posts. This was a huge thing for BTS at that time, if only they would’ve known how much they will achieve, how big they’ll become, and how many lives their music will save due to that. ARMYs had been making a lot of effort too to support the members but Aya hadn’t done a single thing yet, it made her feel a bit bittersweet when celebrating. 

“You’re aware that it’s not over yet, right?”, Kitty asserts in a flat voice without bothering to look at her. But Aya stared at the fluffy cat, her mouth slightly open in surprise. “Just because you haven’t been a fan since the very beginning and never been engaged in those fan duties doesn’t been you can’t do it now. When this journey ends you can start to participate in all that. Those votings are still ongoing and still as important” 

“Yeah, Mace is right”, Felix adds from nowhere. Aya turns her head and locks eyes with him. His gaze was strong and auspicious. “Even if you haven’t done anything yet doesn’t mean you can’t when all of this is over”. 

Aya nods slightly, not daring to say anything in case her voice would break, her breath was already trembling as it was. She swallows keenly with moist eyes, peering down at her tightly intertwined hands. Biting achingly the inside of her bottom lip.

She just felt  _ bad _ . The boys had given her so much and she really wanted to repay them. Wanted to give them everything she could come up with, for everything they’ve done for her. How much strength, light and hope they’ve given her. For how loved they made her feel. Aya wanted desperately to repay them for all that but not even the brightest stars in the entire universe nor the largest moon in space were enough. The misery and disappointment she felt in herself were threatening to swallow her whole. What could a single crumb do for an entire universe?

“Aya” 

Felix’s voice, unexpectedly sharp, echoes in the void. Her face lifts up in surprise, meeting two wide, steady eyes. 

“You have a mission. Focus on that instead of those rubbish thoughts of yours. The boys first, your negative and completely useless worries second”, he declares. 

Dumbstruck, Aya opened her mouth without being able to form any words. His sudden seriousness and scolding felt like a cold shower. He’s right. Kitty too. When she was back home again she would be able to actually do something but now she’s in the middle of her journey. And currently in a mission. 

“Right?”, he adds, still having that sharp tone at the tip on his tongue.

Aya adjusts herself in her seat before she says anything. Her eyes had gotten dry. 

“Right”

The first hate comments that came up on the timeline were in all conscience, blatantly uninventive and utterly stupid - but what did she expect? She silenced the raging monster inside of her by simply pressing the block button. But as she continued to scroll down, the monster scraped against her chest rashly. Aya felt disgusted by the outrageous posts. 

People accused the boys of plagiarism and  _ sajaegi  _ (“It means like chart manipulation. That the company buys a batch of copies of their own album to increase their ranking on the charts or as what they assumed in this scenario: winning first place in Korean music shows”, as Felix kindly explained to her). Felix also told her that it was a huge accomplishment for the boys to get their first win since they still were rookies at the time and also from a small company. A lot of Korean netizens had so many controversial discussions about that to the point where Bighit even had to post a public announcement, claiming that they “don’t have the resources to do such a thing”. 

Aya felt the restraination of the monster loosen a bit - but it was still in control, she was still in control. She had to take a pause occasionally and breathe for a few seconds, letting the anger rain off her. She read some of the posts out loud for Felix to hear - she was not going to endure all of this nonsense alone - and felt somewhat satisfied when she could see him clenching his jaw in reaction and flames of rage flaring in his dark eyes. But Felix could also control his anger - a lot better than she did - and replied to her with a plain sentence in a flat voice, “report that”, after she’d recited the posts in her hand. 

Both the fairies sank down grunting in their seat with eyes fluttered shut when the phone had suddenly turned off and Manny's overjoyed voice filled up the void, confirming the end of the mission. Both of them were breathing deeply, heads leaning towards the headrest on the chairs. Aya could swear that the void was twirling around. Nauseous, she forces herself to sit up. The draining task was done, which also signified that it was time to move on to the next year. As on a signal, Kitty jumps down from the desk and paws hastily away from them as Felix slowly yanks himself up from the office chair. He yawns big before heading towards Kitty, who'd transformed big into an elephant again, without waiting for Aya. She stumbles away from her seat and uses her wings to levitate from the floor and fly all the way up to the cat’s back. She could hear the cat quietly mutter ”show-off” as she landed, sinking low into the soft fur. 

”You have wings too! In your human form!”, she yells.

The cat froze for a brief second in surprise, as if she’d forgotten that she’d shown Aya her human form a while ago. It made Aya flustered. She herself had been struggling with repressing that memory seeing that every time it flared up in her head her face had heated up to a noticing degree. But for Kitty, it was such an insignificant moment that she probably hadn't thought about it twice. 

When Felix came up to take his seat in front of Aya he grimaced in surprise at her downturned head. She didn't want him to ask any more questions so she gave him an affiliative smile which was enough for his worried eyes to turn back to normal. He smiled back in response before he turned around. Having her gaze forward at Felix’s back she exhaled heavily, letting her tense shoulders slump down, not understanding what she felt relieved about. 

The brief moment of time-travel felt even briefer than before when they left 2015 and entered the following year. Aya had been in deep thought, not even noticing nor bothering the floating images around them when they traveled through the void in-between time. Her body had moved on its own, taking a firm grip around the cat’s back to not fall off when they hit the strong and oddly chill wind while her mind was wandered in a world far away. 

\-----

Half a year ago, Aya had an episode with a psychologist recommended by her manager. His name was Paul Caron and Aya met him four times, once every week a month. The meetings were around an hour-long each and Aya, to her own surprise, remember pretty much  _ everything _ from them. Not some glimpses, but long and precise moments from all of the four meetings they had with each other. Maybe it could be ‘cause of the psychologist's strange way to talk as if every sentence was a quotation straight up from either a school book or a poem. Regardless of the reason behind, Aya could recall his words whenever and wherever ever since, as if she had heard them only a moment ago. 

Why Aya got advised to meet up with the psychologist in the first place was solely due to her coach and manager’s worries about her. Not fully understanding their sympathetic eyes under a pair of knitted eyebrows, Aya accepted the advice, smiling reassuringly to them and booked that damn meeting afterward. Aya doesn’t hold anything against psychologists in general, it’s just that she hated to open up herself and that was the main point in going to a psychologist. Opening up that horrendous part of herself, a part which is so well and deeply hidden from everyone - even for herself sometimes. But Aya learned quickly that Paul Caron wasn’t like any psychologist and that’s probably why she had gotten advised to meet  _ him,  _ not a whoever psychologist, but a specified such. 

His office was placed near the sea and was very approachable - an open and neat room with a huge window coating the entire wall from head to toe, relieving a delicate view of the harbor. Thanks to the gigantic window to wall, the small room was bathing in sunlight, leaving shadows from the furniture and other stuff in the room on the light-colored wood floor. Pieces of Furniture were placed in the center of the room, consisting of an armchair and sofa in matching grey fabric, forming a triangle with a small, low table in between which was also in wood but in a darker shade. The other walls were plain, without any paintings or photographs and all painted in white. Lots of different and blooming plants adorned the room where they were against the white walls. His office wasn’t anything more than that, far from looking like an actual office she was used to seeing in films and such, but it was simple, neat and minimalistic - she liked it a lot actually. 

And then there was her psychologist, Paul Caron. An old man in his 60s, bald with a thin beard and round glasses over his almond-like eyes, a man who loved plants and wooden figurines and who had an  _ interesting  _ sense of fashion. 

The first time she’d seen Paul was in his office with a watering can in his hand. He was dressed in a pair of ripped denim jeans and a large lavender sweater reaching to his thighs. He had looked up to Aya’s stunned face and a frown shaped his lips. Aya could probably see the gear wheels working in his head if she made an effort to before his face lightened up and he smiled softly, creating faint wrinkles around his eyes. 

“You have to be Aya. The burning young girl with flames inside ready to swallow your fragile body whole” 

\-----

Aya kept on thinking about her experiences with the odd psychologist until a deafening sound woke her up from her memories. Aya blinked. They’ve already landed in a new year. When did that happen? She sits up properly and let her eyes wander over the setting. Again, they were at an arena flocked by thousands of people with banners and lightsticks -  _ army bombs _ , Aya acknowledged for herself -, spotlights running wildly over the place in different shades and on the stage, Aya’s breath lingered in her throat as her eyes widened, where the boys standing. Her heart rate ascents as she could feel the corners of her mouth widen into a smile, pure happiness radiating through her body. The boys say something and the crowd screams, Aya recognizing the deafening sound that woke her up from her daydreams before. Impressed, she raises her eyebrows. 

_ Was it the crowd? _

She felt a nudge against her right elbow and turned her head to the culprit, locking eyes with Felix who was practically beaming with bliss. It boosted Aya’s happiness, even more, the fact that she had someone beside her who could relate to all the lovely feelings that arose inside of her as soon as she lied eyes on those seven boys. He points at his ear with a slight frown and says something inaudible. Aya tries to read his lips and catches up the word  _ talk.  _ She leans closer to Felix, bending slightly her knees, and tilts her head to the left. He leans closer as well. 

”We’re currently on the 3rd muster concert in Seoul!”, he shouts enthusiastically in her ear. 

She grimaces narrowly by his loud voice. He steps back from her and gives her a smile reaching his sparkling eyes. Oblivious, she as well steps back, standing up straight again and smiling in an attempt to hide her inner confusion.

_ Did he say mustard?  _

Like a call from the Gods, the scene in front of her fades slowly into complete darkness except for the beaming, purple light over her as if she was standing right under a purple sun. No one else was there, only Aya, fully alone. 

` _ 2016-´ _

Aya jumps - awkwardly notable - in surprise by Manny’s loud and clear voice and turns her head around, searching for the place where the voice came from. But she couldn’t see anything but darkness and her own body, lighting up in purple. She sighed, putting her palm against her forehead. God, she’ll  _ never _ get used to anything happening in this dream. 

Aya could swear that she heard Manny trying not to giggle when he continued talking. She tried hard to ignore the blossoming heat on her cheeks. 

`- _ on the 16th of November, BTS held their second concert for their 3rd muster in Seoul´,  _ he said with a bright tone.

Aya lets her hand fall down from her face and raises her eyebrows, crossing her arms over her chest. She couldn’t  _ wait _ until the time when she would finally get to meet Manny, she would punch him so hard so that the content smirk of his that she imagined in her mind would fall off. Even so, she struggled to fight the smile that was tugging on her mouth corners. 

` _ You don’t have any mission for this scene so just lay back and enjoy the concert!´ _

His eager words faded away, a lull replacing it. Aya chewed on her bottom lip, elaborating on which words she could use to illustrate her confusion without sounding too puzzled. 

` _..you have something on your mind, Aya?´,  _ he asked cautiously.

Aya scowled in surprise, that was the first time she’d ever heard Manny’s voice without its overjoyed, commercial-like tone. She cleared her throat and straightened passably her back.

“Well… uh, is this just a normal concert or... ?”

Her voice was awfully unveiling her oblivion.

A second lull fell over them. Then a loud chuckle burst out. Aya pressed her lips together with severe clenched fists, nails sinking through the skin of her palm, as she hated herself for still blushing. Oh, she was really going to give him an uppercut someday. 

When the chuckle descended Aya had raging flames in her eyes while cursing contemporary the man behind the chuckle in her head. At last, Manny came back to his senses and explained lightly to her about the situation. 

Muster was a fan meeting where ARMYs gather to meet the boys and watch a special performance put together specifically for them. Aya only nodded as a response, not wasting any further energy on the annoying man. Manny didn’t bother to say goodbye, the purple light from above just died out as well as the dim of darkness over the surroundings. The loud music -  _ their  _ music - started to get audible again. Aya noticed how her anger ran off nearly immediately as soon as she heard their voices, the melody swarming over her mind and obliterating all the ominous emotions. Aya lets out a long exhale as she closes her eyes, getting lost in the appealing hymn and the strong cheers around her.  _ Home.  _

After the song, she dares to open her eyes again and locks eyes with Felix right away, who was pouting slightly with a frown upon his pretty face. She tilts her head, again puzzled. He couldn’t possibly see anything from that meeting… right? He wasn’t with her under the purple light that had encircled her, he probably hadn’t noticed anything, Felix was also just a part of the dream. He opened his mouth.

“Do not tell me that you just had your eyes closed during the entire performance”, he said accusingly. 

Aya breaks the stare. 

_ Oh… right _

She gazed down at her feet, pulling her hand to her neck and scratching it gently. She pauses to glance at Felix before breaking into a wide smile when seeing him leaning his head against his palm. 

“You’re hopeless, Aya! You can listen to their voices on Spotify, but now you can also  _ see  _ them, you know, with your  _ own  _ eyes!”, he states, still facepalming. 

She laughs quietly. How could she tell him how close it actually was that she would straight up punch a wall? She didn’t wonder any further and asked him a more essential question. 

“I really liked the song though. What was its name?”

Felix peeks through his fingers before smiling. He moves his hand, reaching forward to Aya’s head - nearly having to tiptoe - and patting her lightly. 

“‘Blood Sweat & Tears’, a masterpiece to a song and a very,-”, he dragged out on that  _ very _ . “- seductive choreo that you missed out on, girlie”

_ Did he just call me “girlie”? _

Her nose wrinkled. He brought his hand down to her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. His eyes were wide as he stared at her, frowning slightly, creating crinkles on his forehead as he gave her a smile that rather looked like a grimace. 

”You missed out big time”

\----- 

Aya was sitting on the grey sofa, gazing out over the sunlit harbor through the large window to her right when Paul arrived into his office humming on a cheerful song she couldn't recognize. A wooden tray carrying two cups in porcelain and a steaming teapot laid in his hands as he closed the door lightly with the back of his foot and strolled towards her with surprisingly lenient steps, considering his age. He put down the tray gently on the table between the furniture, ensuring not letting any hot tea from the teapot slip out. Aya observed the old man in front of her. It was their second meeting today. The psychologist was dressed in a loose plaid t-shirt paired with beige cargo pants and a pair of sandals. A bizarre choice, she thinks, as she wraps her thick cardigan tighter around her torso. 

Winter certainly had begun. The sharp breezes from the sea could prove that, jointly with the copious layer of frost coating the city in the morning. It hadn’t been any snow falling yet, but it’s only a matter of time until this. However, Marseille bathed in the sun’s warm rays today, the chill wind feeling strikingly refreshing. 

Paul Caron groaned when he settled down in his seat in front of her. Yet, he smiled fondly. He lifted up the steaming teapot and poured hot tea in the two cups as he spoke. 

”So Aya, I talked to your manager again: dear Ms. Lavender”

Aya could see how it tugged in the psychologist’s left mouth corner saying the manager’s name. Paul Caron is Ms. Lavender’s dad’s cousin. 

”She told me that you’ve spaced out a lot lately during practice” 

He’d filled up the cups now and rolled back in his seat. His eyes squinted slightly in an intense stare as he rubbed his chin faintly. 

”What’s on your mind, Aya?”

Like last week, Aya didn't even bother to open her mouth. She didn't want to tell him anything and neither did she wanna lie to him. Instead, she leaned forward, lifted up a cup to her mouth, and sipped on the tea. It tasted sweet on her tongue. 

”Last week we got to know each other, right?”

She put the cup back at the tray and nodded. 

”Then please trust me and confess what’s on your mind, dear”

His tone had turned harsher, the words coming out of his mouth being spit out, even though he tried to hide it by smiling. But the smile didn't reach his eyes. She bit the inside of her cheek. 

_ He’s gotten salty… well I can’t blame him, he got all the rights to be _

His job is to solve her problems but how could he do that when she’s too stubborn to say anything. Why did she even agree to book a meeting in the first place? She could have just come up with a lame excuse to her manager and coach instead, like that it’s her old cat’s death anniversary or something. She sighed. Everything was alright with her. Yes. Truly alright. It was only a minor slump, not anything worse. She was just going to get through these sessions, which required cooperation from her. She lifted her chin up.

She opens her mouth slightly. Her mind roaming hectically and searching for the most decent terms to use. 

Paul Caron stared at her with thoughtful eyes.  _ Only two sessions after this _ , she reminded herself. She straightened her back. 

”I’ve been wanting to stop with boxing”

\-----

The concert continued for a long period of time, not that Aya was complaining. The fairies - though they were in their human form - were standing at the second floor of the arena, leaning against the railing as they glanced down at the stage, being grateful for their existence at the moment. 

The boys performed lots of songs that Aya wasn't too fond to admit that she had never heard of but they were truly bops. It was also very nice to have Felix accompany her during the concert. He kept on telling her oodles of facts from time to time, translating what the boys were saying during their ment, and midst some interviews when neither of them understood anything he confessed some of his experiences as an A.R.M.Y. Like how he had watched this concert live-streaming on twitch while hiding in a bathroom during his cousin’s wedding party. Aya had chortled so much after his anecdote that she had nearly fallen over the railing if it wasn’t for Kitty yelling at Felix, making Aya gain his attention before something terrible would've might have gone. For a slight, terrifying second as her upper body was leaning forward over the railing and the rest of her body somewhat levitating, the railing pressing against her hip bones, Aya had thought about what would happen if she died here on this journey. Would the journey automatically end here and she would wake up in Marseille? Would she die in real life too? Was this dream set by her mind as a way to let her die in her sleep peacefully? A lot of horrid stuff went through her mind before she could feel Felix’s hands on her shoulders, pulling her back. His grip had been so strong that it made both of them fall on the ground and for a second they sat there, both of their faces pale by the nearly occurred incident. Kitty scolded them with such…  _ words _ that Aya and Felix couldn’t help but crack up. That cat should really wash her tongue. 

Kitty forbid them to stand by the railing for the rest of the concert after that occasion and so, the humans with fairy blood running in their veins moved to stand at the back instead with pouting lips and furrowed brows. 

When another VCR started playing, Aya turned her head towards the left where Felix was standing, except that Felix wasn’t standing there. He'd left without her even noticing. Kitty was still by her feet though, right next to where Felix had stood earlier. Kitty's presence was an assurance that wherever Felix is, Aya shouldn't be worried. But she couldn't help not to gaze around herself, she was curious since Felix was not the type to miss out on BTS content. He'd only spoke to her during the concert whenever the boys weren't performing, otherwise, he'd only been facing forth, eyeing the boys with glimmering eyes and hushing her if she asked something. 

She observed other ARMYs in the crowd, heart feeling warmer when looking at people she had a connection to even though she didn’t have a clue who they were. She just knew one thing: as well as she did, they also felt _so_ much affection in their heart for the boys. So much joy, so many memories, and so much _love_ for those 7 boys \- to the point where life loses colors and light without them in it, to the point where you think about them with your every exhale, to the point where they become your last reason. Everyone belonged together due to that reason, and that’s why Aya couldn't do anything but smile fondly whilst watching other folks around her. She admired them and admired the fact of how diverse each one of them was. It's something that may seem surprising for people joining the fandom, how very diverse the army actually is with people from all around the world of different genders, ages, and religions. The crowd looked like a night sky in the arena, stars twinkling in the darkness. Maybe that was what the fandom was, stars in the universe.

She woke up from her thoughts when she heard quick steps coming towards her. Eyes roaming from the mob to where the noise came from, eventually landing on an eager Felix. He had a broad grin struck upon his face as he held up a pair of ARMY bombs and purple-colored plastic bags to show her. Confused, she wrinkled her nose. 

”What are those?”, she exclaims.

Felix’s grin gets even broader and he winks at her.

”For the fan project!”

She squints. 

”But Manny told me there was no mission for this scene!”

He reaches one ARMY bomb forward, it looked small and fragile in his giant hands. 

”Who said it was a mission?”

She snorts. Fervor dancing like flames in her brown eyes. 

\-----

”’ _ Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul _ .’” 

Paul Caron strode slowly from side to side in the warmly lit up office. His left hand carried a chunky book in brown velvet and the other hand was resting on his lower back. It was their third meeting. Aya sat laid back on the sofa and gaped at her psychologist as he wandered back and forth like a royal guard in front of a castle whilst listening to his poem. 

” _ ’In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, My heart is bloody but unbowed _ .”

Aya swallows down a large yawn making tears arise in her eyes. She really wanted to pay attention to the poem, she really did, but she was just  _ so _ tired. The meetings were set to be every Saturday, Aya’s sole free day of the week. Yesterday she’d had an exam in economics which she’d pulled two all-nighters for, and tomorrow she’s going to start a new harsh practice scheme coach Joe had assigned her for her forthcoming game. Just the thought of it made her exhausted. 

”’ _ Beyond this place of wrath and tears, Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years, Finds, and shall, find me unafraid _ ’”

Aya thought about last week’s meeting, when she confessed to the psychologist about her recent thoughts. That simple sentence she’d said as lighthearted as she could even though that thought had been burdening her mind for a good time. To her relief, Paul didn't push her any further after her confession and he also hadn't mentioned anything about it for her manager - well, what she was aware of. 

”’ _ It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. _ ” 

He closed the book and stroke the cover with a fond smile on his face. A lull fell in the office, Aya’s gaze was still on the psychologist who was in his own world. Aya cleared her throat to acknowledge her presence which Paul had tended to completely forget. He turned his head quickly to her with slightly startled eyes. When his mind recognized her he exhaled and gained back that fond smile.

”That was a poem by William Ernest Henley called  _ Invictus _ ”, he asserted.

Not knowing what to say, Aya nodded slightly with her lips pressed together. She tried to not seem impolite even though she had no idea who the hell that man was, and neither did she care. Paul Caron took a seat at the armchair in front of Aya.

“When I first laid my eyes on you two weeks ago, this poem instantly got into my mind”, he rubbed his chin as he usually does when he was ruminating in that head of his. “Do you know why?”

It took Aya her whole capacity to not sigh out loud. When was this crap over? All she wanted was to lay in her bed for the rest of the day and get the rest she deserved, not to sit here and talk about  _ poems _ . She frowned. Oh, she was  _ so _ tired of all this. Yet, she shrugged her head slowly, while meeting eyes with her psychologist and tried hard to not let her disinterest show too much.

“It’s because this poem talks about the inner courage and the will to continue living on even though life feels like an endless circle of sorrow and depth”

_ This isn’t life, this is basically hell _

“It’s about never letting yourself die on that battlefield when you’ve gotten defeated by a stronger army” Aya shifted in her seat and started staring at her nails. “But you, Aya, you are that naive last soldier that still fights until the very end in an already defeated attack”

Aya gazes up at him, stunned by his words.

“Your burning flame in your heart, it’s wonderful, but not when it’s that extensive, don’t let it kill you”, he said, spitting out every word with a terrifying gracious tone. 

\-----

The fan project was a really cute idea. Since ARMY bombs didn't have the ability yet to change colors, ARMYs in the crowd concealed the lightstick in a purple-colored plastic bag, to make it glow in purple and together create a purple ocean during ’2!3!’; BTS’s first official song dedicated to their precious fanbase. The purple ocean was to symbolize a flower path for BTS to walk on. For the second time for the scene, Aya felt truly pleased with belonging in such an extraordinary fandom. 

Considering the VCR not dragging on for ages, they had to be quite quick to get everything set and done for the fan project that was going to kick-off as soon as that VCR concluded. A thrilling perception fell over the arena as ARMYs ransack their bags in order to find their plastic bag and then gently pulling it over their lightstick, aware of not creating too much sound - just in case. Aya and Felix did that as well. The arena had turned nearly completely dark, the only light source coming from the huge screen at the stage. There was some yelling around them, telling everyone to put on the purple bag and turn off the light that Felix amusingly listened to with full attention. Aya, however, stood at the back, hopping from one foot to another, not caring a single bit over the faint ache she felt in her feet each time they unshod met the cold and dirty ground. There were no butterflies in her stomach anymore, they had been replaced by a whole jungle instead. Any minute now, the VCR would end and they would all light up their lightsticks and then the boys would come on stage! She smiled contentedly imagining their reaction. Then she glanced at Felix beside her, wondering if he knew how much time it was left, getting disappointed when he shrugged his shoulders. She reminded herself to stay patient. 

_ Soon, Aya, soon _

The VCR ends at last and the screens on the stage turn off leaving the entire arena in darkness. Aya inhaled deeply, her heart nearly jumping out of her chest. It was time. 

Upon each screen in front of them showed two words: “A.R.M.Y TIME”. Everyone, including the fairies, turned quickly on their lightstick. Aya gasped by the ethereal sight. The night sky carried thousands of purple twinkling stars. Cheers spread over the arena as the music started playing. Aya shrugged her head, not believing what was in front of her. Standing on the second floor really had its perks, huh. The meadow of purple flowers opened up in front of them and it was surely one of the most remarkable things she’d ever seen. A wave of goosebumps swept over her body, warmth filling up in her heart. She peeked at Felix but he didn’t meet her gaze. She noted his moist eyes which was reflecting the purple meadow. He wore a dimpled grin that reached his eyes and Aya felt the warm feeling in her heart expand. Her eyes shifted forward again, extending her hand holding the ARMY bomb any further when seeing seven boys -  _ our  _ seven boys, she thought, concurring in the crowd’s cheers - entering the stage. 

The word echoed in her head;  _ home. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://helplebanon.carrd.co/

**VI:** let’s dream big

——

Out of all the stadiums they’ve been at so far, this one was surely the largest. Okay, practically it wasn’t, if what Felix had told her was true but Aya really felt small, standing at the back of the seats that were filled by people, _fans_ , in the arena even though she’d already transformed back into her human form. 

They were at the 2016 Mnet Asian Music Awards - MAMA awards - or AsiaWorld-Expo in Hong Kong to be precise. Aya had gotten pleasantly surprised when she realized she had two scenes for 2016. 

The stage conquered half of the venue including the idols’ seats too, along with the camera staff. But the rest of the venue was solely stocked by fans. It reminded Aya a bit of her experience on KCON from her scene for 2014 but this time the majority of fans weren’t American but Asian. The cultural change of the crowd was truly fascinating. 

Since this was an award show, there were obviously other fans for other artists in the crowd making Aya’s body tense and her spirit somewhat fired up. After her recent mission where she’d gotten forced to read hate comments about the boys where the majority of the accounts behind had a photo of unfamiliar kpop artists as their profile picture, Aya wasn’t too indulged of being near fans that were screaming other names that were not one of her boys she was very familiar with. She was lying if she said she wasn’t uncomfortable because she was, but Aya had gotten too used with vile people in her accompany thanks to her experiences in boxing, so she kept her chin up and her back straight - despite the fact that no one other than Felix and Kitty could see her. She was going to keep her cool she decided, remembering the message she’d been given by Felix while executing that recent mission: _the boys first no matter what_. However, if she heard a single comment from anyone around her that could appear cruel or just simple loathing remarks - well, then may god be on their side. 

She twirled around to where Felix and Kitty were standing, put her hands on her hips, and tilted her head. 

“Now what?”, she asked, shrugging her shoulders slightly. 

Although the majority of the seats were occupied so was the award show not starting until like an hour and once it started they were going to have to wait another hour probably before BTS were going to perform. 

Felix scratched the back of his head and sighed. 

“Well, we could wait for the show to start… or-”

Aya’s eyes widened. 

“-We could time-travel again, fast forward before it’s time for the boys. Right, Mace?”, he asked, slowly glancing at the cat beside him. 

Kitty sat in front of the entry being busy cleaning her paws. She mutters something quietly that makes Felix grin, Aya’s too far away to hear what she said. But the cat stops cleaning herself and stands up with the two fairies’ gaze upon her. She stretches out her back before glaring at them.

”Let’s go then”, she hisses coolly, the top of her tail veering back and forth irritatingly. 

The fairies smiled triumphantly at each other before shifting back to their fairy form. 

Time-traveling through a few hours felt like only a few seconds. It was an odd new experience because Kitty, where the fairies sat on, stood wholly still as the world around them revamped rapidly into the concert scenery they all were very used to at this point. It was like staying inside of a bubble in real-time protecting them from the outside going in 10x speed as well as the sounds thawed down. The venue got further loaded of fans, the lights went off, staff ran across the stage, idols took their place at their pre-booked seats and the award show opened. A soft breeze washed over their body like a smooth farewell as their bubble dissolved and a faint rain of blue sparkles washed over them before vanishing too. Aya grimaced by the immediate boisterous music from the performing artists on the stage together with the fans she was surrounded by who had some impressive vocal cords. Aya glanced at Felix who looked like he thought the same. His eyes roamed around the venue and she followed his gaze.

”I can't see the boys..”, he said, the sentence sounding more like a question than a statement as he tiptoed in an attempt to see more clearly. ”..which probably means that they’re getting ready”. He fell back on his heels with a slight groan leaving his throat. 

Excitement rushes through her body, pulsating jointly with her heartbeats and sending waves all the way out to her fingertips. Again, a feeling she’s gotten too intimate with. She had struggles recognizing this feeling earlier of the journey, this feeling which felt so recent as it felt nostalgic. But now she could finally acknowledge the physical sensation. It's the same feeling as when you wake up early in the morning before going to an amusement park, or that first step in at the airport when taking off for a trip, or those last minutes before entering the boxing ring. A mixture of fluttering butterflies in your gut, restlessness in your body, and that unknowing smile tugging on your lips. 

BTS’s concerts also made her feel that thrill that went beyond words, however the concerts were even _more_ overwhelming. It may be because of the splendid and various performances or the vivid feeling of being united when you’re surrounded by other A.R.M.Ys and everyone together gets _so_ incredibly hyped up. Being in such a place genuinely feels like being in a completely new world - or maybe even a new universe, a safe universe where you feel truly happy, loved, and needed. And sometimes during the concert, it all just becomes too overwhelming that you have to pinch yourself only to assure that you’re alive. Aya started smiling solely by the thought of it, that’s another thing she’d learned while on this journey: concerts are _addicting_. 

The fairies had already taken their seats; also known as _the railing._ Aya had asked Felix why they always have to be on the second floor during the concerts, claiming that floor seats are way more efficient - as if she’s ever been to a concert before this journey… - but he had shrugged his head, smiled sarcastically and pointed at himself as if that was an answer before his smile dropped and he nearly shouted right next to her face “I’m short”. She’d burst out laughing and he’d slapped her arm, not hard but enough to leave a red blush after it. He’d started apologizing promptly, making her laugh even more. 

A delightful melody started playing accompanied by a soft, female voice. Aya’s eyes left the red mark on her skin and soared back to the stage to see.. a lot of girls, performing in a black uniform type of clothes with sparkling gold details. It was cute, not really Aya’s type of tea music-wise, but that wasn’t the reason why she was glued to the stage. No, the reason was because of the fact that the girls were _hella_ cute. Her heart was thumping rapidly inside her chest, blood rushing to her head as she with wide eyes gapes towards the pretty girls on the stage. Distinct hawking from behind made her gaze immediately leave the girls. She peeked over her shoulder, instantly locking eyes with Kitty who was glaring at her, the sand in her eyes purling around like a sandstorm. Aya scowled in confusion, the cat muttered something before spinning around and heading towards the entry with a flickering tail. Aya slowly turned her head back again.

“Kitty left”, she informed Felix.

He sighed unbothered and Aya’s attention went back to the girls on the stage, disappointed when realizing that they had already left. She cursed the cat in her mind. 

Felix had warned her merely before about BTS’s performance for the award show, calling it _a_ _truly explicit performance_ , as she recited. And yet, those words certainly didn't give the performance any justice at all. 

Hoseok and Jimin’s dance battle at the beginning, Jimin dancing goddamn _blindfolded_ , that sensual choreography for _Blood Sweat & Tears _ (Aya could finally understand what Felix had meant with ”you missed out big time” from the last scene), Taehyung’s bare shoulder and then their insane energy for _Fire_ for the end _._ Could they let her breathe? 

She was at loss at words, _completely_ at loss at words. She was positive that she hadn’t blinked a single time during the 10-minute concert. Yes, the _concert._

Aya was standing behind the railing with her hands hanging by her side, mouth open and eyes wide in awe. Felix had looked terrified when she’d finally turned around to face him, tears in her eyes and an attempt to a smile on her lips while pointing at the stage with a trembling hand. Her voice croaking when she said ”is it already over?”. 

In shambles. Her heart and mind were in _shambles._ It had been more than an hour since BTS had been on the stage and despite that, she had not gotten over it. Will she ever? No. But still. She had been able to talk properly again without that croaking tone only a few minutes after the performance but her hands were still trembling in anticipation, adrenaline flowing within her blood, keeping her sleepless mind wide-awake. It was time for the idols to finally receive their awards, or well, at least some of them were. 

Felix could be such a jerk sometimes, Aya thought while the award got handed out. He’d told her every category BTS were nominated for but didn't want to expose which of them that the boys would win. Aya didn't even know _if_ they were going to win anyone and all the waiting was _killing her._ It was so awful. Then the main categories started. Aya buried down her fingers into Felix’s arm, luckily she had cut her nails the other day around. It was one of the categories that BTS were nominated for; _song of the year._

The presenter was a man in a well-designed flower-patterned suit. And Aya hated him. He probably thought that he was all fun and that, dragging out the time as if Aya wasn’t _dying_ up there on the second floor because of the heavy tension hanging in the air. Felix had yelled at her for burying her fingers into his arm too hard, instead she held a cramping grip around his hand. If it hurt he didn’t show it. Or maybe he was too engaged in the whole event that he didn’t acknowledge any pain. She stamped with her feet against the floor and cursed the well-dressed man under her breathe. She wasn’t the only one sick of the damn presenter, around her were loud sighs slipping out from people’s tongues, girls were running their hand through their black hair in frustration and lots of people were screaming. Aya hasn’t been through anything like it before. The presenter leaned forward towards the mic. Aya held her breath, her heart pounding like crazy, her grip around Felix’s hand tightening. 

But the name that slipped out from the presenter was not the name she’d hoped for. 

It was pretty much the same for the reveal of the second main award - it was not the boys - and a despairing feeling began to wrap around her throat. She was chewing her bottom lip in dismay and peeked frequently at Felix in an attempt to discover the last award winner in his lineament. Because they couldn't have let her sit through this only for the boys to _not_ win any grand prize… right? 

But once the last category unveiled, a heavy knot formed in her chest as her heart throbbed. _Artist of the year._ It wasn't impossible for the boys to win that award, however, considering what Felix had told her about the major companies in the Korean music industry, she couldn't help but feel a slight uneasiness. 

A glamorous brown-haired woman in a long, tight dress in red and white stood by the mic after the nominee video had run. The tension for the final and the most primary award was resting in the air like a thick layer of expectations and hopes over AsiaWorld-expo. Aya couldn't even breathe. Around her were fans shouting different idols, all the numerous names mixed together made it impossible to pick up any name though. Felix was standing quietly beside her, not trying to spoil the winner for her but he squeezed her hand lightly and gulped continually. Luckily, the female presenter didn't drag it on for an eternity as some _other_ presenters did. _Women_ , Aya thought in the middle of the anxious situation. 

”I will announce the winner”, the woman declared. 

Aya was tugging severely on her bottom lip now, her foot stamping rapidly against the cold floor. Her other hand clasped firmly around the railing. God, she had _never_ been this nervous in her entire life before. 

”The winner is…”

The woman opened the cards in her hand, uncovering it into a cube. The shouts from the crowd were seriously deafening. Felix’s grip around her hand tightened. The woman twirled around faintly while inspecting the mob of screaming fans with the cube in her hand, the cube which was the reason behind all of the thousands of people losing their mind in the venue. Even Aya couldn't bear the awful waiting and joined the loud shouting fans around her, screaming at the top of her lungs. 

The woman took up a golden note from the cube before leaning closer to the mic. Aya’s heart skipped a beat, clenching Felix’s hand as if her life depended on it. The woman in red opened her mouth and for a blink of an eye, it felt like the world went in slow-motion. The shouts got faded out, Aya’s loud heartbeats being the only thing audible for her, and the name of the winner of _artist of the year_ filled up the venue. Finally, the name she’d hoped for.

” _bangtan sonyeondan”_

Deafening screams burst out in the arena, Aya and Felix being two of them. Her hand was still intertwined with Felix’s as they both hopped up and down with their bare feet while shouting _they won, they won, they won._

Feeling as in a trance, Aya let go of Felix’s hand and stopped hopping when the screen displayed the boys. When she saw their gaping jaws and wide eyes before they all came together for a group hug, that’s when Aya truly lost it. Before she knew it, tears erupted from her eyes. She whimpered out loud as a flood of tears ran down her cheeks. Her knees went weak due to the vast relief and she had to grab the railing again for balance. Felix gripped a soft but steady hold of her elbow for extra support as he looked at her with eyes filled with adoration. Because he _knew,_ and he felt it too. 

Her sight was blurred out as a result of her fierce crying. Every trembling breath moving in and out through her burning lungs. Every heartbeat thumping in her body working as a reminder to her of her existence. Despite her swollen eyes and the tears in it, she could still identify the seven figures that were moving over the stage. _Blood Sweat & Tears _was playing from the speakers. The boys arrived by the mic and the sight of Namjoon receiving the trophy made her sulk harder. Felix put a shaking arm over her shoulders. He’d broken down too. Silent tears running over his handsome face. It made her irritated over the fact that he could still look amazing even when _crying._ Aya was positive that she herself looked absolutely horrifying. Still, she pulled herself closer to Felix, so they could collectively sob like babies. 

It felt like an invisible force played with her heartstrings as she listened to Namjoon’s speech. How could happiness also _hurt_ so much? she thought to herself with red, swollen eyes that still managed to sputter out tears. They had won the ultimate grand prize. Aya was still pretty much in disbelief. The boys deserved it, _a lot_ , and the pride she felt truly went beyond words. 

“This was the second time BTS won an award from one of the main categories”, Felix asserted. 

Aya’s heart clenched by his words. So she was really out here experiencing their gradual fame. When did she ever get this lucky?

“Them collecting the main awards went also in South Korean history. Since it was the first time for an artist who’s not from one of the major companies in k-pop to win a grand prize - or _daesang,_ as they’re called”, he added on. “Now the boys have approximately a total of… 40 daesangs under their belts, another record in history”

Aya’s eyebrows rose to the sky. 

_40 daesangs… holy fuck_

But Felix just nodded where he stood beside her. A new warmth swept over her body as she glanced at the boys again, most of them were crying - which just made Aya cry even more - and they all stood in a circle, hugging each other again. 

Aya made a promise to herself, eyes gazing at the boys on the stage, that she was going to do everything in her power to continue making their dreams come true, everything that guaranteed their happiness. And by that, Kitty shouted their names from behind to get moving and the scenes for 2016 reached its final seconds.

\-----

[BTS, @160612, talking about things that they’re desiring for the year]

 **JH** : ..and if I were to be a little more ambitious. I want to win the award for Best Artist.

 **BTS** : ...

 **NJ** : well, why not? Why not?

 **JH** : let’s dream big.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so proud of them :(( 
> 
> spoiler for next chapter; this but overseas


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u guys are doing well, me on the other hand is starting school next week :’) but bts helps me survive guys, as always lol. 
> 
> ‘Dynamite’ is out next Friday!! Don’t forget to pre-save the single if u haven’t already: https://t.co/IIbdDESU17

**VII:** ”who’s the one on the left?”

**——**

For the first time in the journey, Aya actually had an idea about what kind of scene she was going to have for 2017. Solely because she’d started to see a pattern throughout the journey, her dream scenes were often significant events for the boys’ career from each year. And by so, she felt not like a clown, but a whole circus when she opened her eyes to see the damn computer she’d gotten too familiar with in front of her. 

They were back at the white, minimalistic room again, in the same positions as the last time. Aya sighed loudly. This was _not_ what she’d expected at all. Felix who was sitting beside her cleared his throat to gain her attention, which he succeeded with. He had a broad grin across his puffy face, truly contrasting with his red, moist eyes. Aya felt something heavy settling over her chest. Her latest memories from the previous scene floated over her mind, combined with a bag of various emotions striking through her body. MAMA awards; the cute girls she’d seen, that irritating monster to presenter (not the pretty brown-haired woman obviously), that heavy tension that was laying over the venue every time a new award was getting handed out, her boys actually winning the absolute grand prize for the night, the boys’ reaction to their win and then she and Felix bawling their eyes out together. A _lovely_ time. 

A loud voice that she also was awfully familiar with, broke up the soothing silence and made Aya’s eyes drift to the non-existent roof and her fists clench as a matter of course.

` _Well, well, well´_

How could a sole voice make her blood inside her veins _boil_?

` _Look what the cat dragged in´,_ Manny jokingly said. 

Aya could faintly hear his smile behind the voice and it only made her anger aggravate. When she imagined Manny in her head she saw the face of her disgusting peer from high school, a typical white dude whose ego is completely untouchable. Usually, she doesn't hold grudges for long but Aya’s not too fond of the feeling when being made fun of, a feeling that's been following her for ages. But also, Manny gave off some suspicious vibes and Aya trusts her gut feeling more than anything. 

` _Right now, we’re in the year of BTS’s global explosion, 2017´,_ Manny continued, his voice loud and clear with a singing tone. ` _Before you’ll have your scene though, you’re going to have another mission_ ´.

Aya shoots a quick glance at Felix. He also had his eyes fixated at the above, his face didn’t show any kind of shock nor confusion with the information so he probably already was aware of this sudden mission, Aya guessed. 

` _Your mission for this year is...´._ Manny dragged on the words. The jamais vu she got sent shivers down her spine, of course _Manny_ was _that_ kind of a jerk too. Aya didn’t even care to hide her annoyance as he completed his sentence. ` _..to VOTE!´_

Aya blinked. Once. Then twice. Her head tilted to the side in confusion as she tried to resist the urge to rub her chin - a habit she’d collected from her old phycologist. 

She heard a gentle chuckle from the seat beside her and lowered her gaze only to lock eyes with Felix’s handsome face that was lit up in hilarity. She mouthed a quiet _what?_ to him and he nodded slowly, a gesture saying _wait._ Manny’s irritating voice filled up the white void. 

` _Don’t worry, Aya, we’re not getting involved in any politics. I’m talking about voting for the BBMAS! The official BILL- BOARD- MUSIC- AWARDS!!´_

His statement got followed with shoutings and cheers that really just sounded awkward. A silence fell over the void as his shouting faded away stiffly. He cleared his throat. 

` _Well,_ _you’re definitely not any fun´._ His voice wasn’t anything like before, this time it was quieter, certainly more insecure, and Aya could’ve done _anything_ to see his face right now. 

` _Anyways, BTS are nominated for “Top Social Artist” and that’s what you’re going to vote for before visiting the western award show´_

Aya nodded with a satisfied smirk dancing on her lips. Okay, so she _wasn’t_ a whole circus after all. The bbmas was actually the scene she’d awaited for during the legendary 2017. It was thanks to that event where Aya got to hear the name “BTS” for the first time in her life, whereas she’d stumbled on it due to ARMY’s making a hashtag trend number one on twitter. She used to blame herself a lot for not checking up the boys at that point in her life, but now she doesn’t. Because she understands now that 2017 wasn’t the right time for her. But it still amazes her that it took her a good 3 damn _years_ to actually get to know the boys. It wasn't like she never stumbled on them again during those 3 years on twitter or youtube, but she’d just simply dismissed it back then.

Manny doesn't say anything further so Aya turns her attention back to the computer in front of her, silently waiting for it to turn on. Kitty jumps up at the white desk after downsizing herself into a normal cat size for the fairies. Felix gives out another quiet chuckle before reaching a phone to Aya - possibly the same phone from her previous mission. This time, the phone felt a lot lighter in her hand than it did the last time, she assumed it was ’cause of the new, simpler mission she was going to have compared to that awful prior time. 

The phone was already activated and was displaying the search bar on the bird app. Before she got the time to ask a question, Felix opened his mouth. 

”You vote for the award by using a specific hashtag and then tagging BTS”, he stated.

Aya nodded in reply, still slightly unsure what to do. She moves from the search bar to the timeline instead and as she’d expected, it's flooded with tweets with the same setup: a hashtag (”#TopSocialArtist”) and then BTS’s twitter account tagged - exactly what Felix had told her. 

”Oh, so… have you voted for this before?”, she asked him. 

He froze for a second, blinking a few times in shock. Before his bushy eyebrows flew up and created creases upon his forehead. 

”Um, yeah. Obviously. If you’re a fan you gotta do at least something, right?”

He twirled his hand as in a gesture of saying _duh_ before breaking into a smile. She hit his arm lightly. 

”Oh, shut up” 

Felix rubbed the place where she’d hit him and made some dramatic facial expressions. She grinned. 

Apparently, there was no limit for the number of votes you could provide and by so, the fairies sat there for quite a time. They chatted while Aya voted for the boys by tweeting and retweeting and etc. Kitty interfered in their conversation too sometimes, chiming in some remarks when Felix spoke. Eventually, he started babbling about what he’d been up to during the lockdown, and since Aya couldn't dare to speak up about her miserable time she stayed silent, listening to Felix and giving nods here and there. He didn't ask any questions about it and continued chattering about a time when his girlfriend, who wasn't a very decent cook, tried to make him breakfast in bed for his birthday. Kitty observed her from where she rested on the desk beside the fairies with her sandy eyes but Aya didn't acknowledge the burning gaze. She wondered if the cat felt any kind of pity towards her. Since she’d been spying on her for a time also implied that the cat presumably knew about her current slump. However, the cat didn't say anything, to her fortune, she only stared at her as if she was checking on the gloomy fairy. 

After a while, Aya got very bored. She’d been voting a lot now and every part of her, all the way reaching into her whole _soul,_ was longing for the boys. She wanted to go to the scene _so_ badly. The fact that the journey was slowly coming to an end made her worry a lot by the fact that she didn't have any idea of how she would survive her days without dying of the strong need to meet her boys. Solely the thought made her entire body stiff up and that’s why Aya most of the time was completely ignoring that matter of fact. 

Aya put the phone back on the desk before leaning back in the office chair, closing her heavy eyelids to satisfy the sudden drowse hanging over her that was slowly expanding due to her present boredom. 

“Are we done now?”, she yawned and tears bred up in her eyes. An overwhelming urge to slumber swelled over her mind. 

“Um, well…“, Felix began whilst scratching his neck. 

Aya’s eyelids raised, flames appearing as she glared at him. His hands flew up in the air as if she was holding a gun against him. She rolled her flaming eyes, _such a drama queen,_ she thought. 

“Y-yes, we’re done”, he sputtered. 

“Good” was the only reply he got from her before she groaning lifted herself up from the chair and stretched out her body where she stood. 

Kitty didn't oppose and jumped down from the desk to shift back into her normal size whilst Felix took back the phone he’d lent out and begun following Kitty. Them obeying to her words made Aya regret that she didn't say anything a lot earlier. She gazed at Felix who flew up to Kitty’s back with his wings, he sat there and waved with his hand in a gesture to make her hurry. The sight of the manly fairy upon a giant fluffy cat’s back was truly amusing, she thought as a sweet wave of warmth stroke her heart. Kitty; the hazelnut-colored cat with fluffy fur which Aya loved to get buried in and those dazzling sandy eyes that Aya yearned to have on her. Felix; the handsome man who always brings ease with him wherever he goes, along with all of those smiles he wears that turns the world a bit brighter. She honestly likes having them by her side, a lot. _It’s a dream Aya,_ she repeated to herself. A slight ache strikes her heart. Felix and Kitty stared at her with a frown upon their faces as if her worries mirrored in her face. _But still,_ she thought to herself before she reached to the one's she really cared about. When she settled down in the fur, behind Felix who still stared worriedly at her over his shoulder and Kitty quietly asking if she was alright, she started wondering, if they may be caring about _her_ too. 

///

May 22th 2017. Billboard music awards 2017. As soon as the trio landed under the burning sun in Las Vegas, the fairies back in human form, butterflies appeared in Felix’s gut. They were fluttering wildly and Felix had to take some deep breaths to come back down on earth again. His heart rate had very much increased. 

The scorching sunlight charred their exposed skin where they stood right beside the trafficked road. To their left spread a long, broad, hot pink carpet that probably went all the way to the arena that stood right in front of them only a few hundred feet away. Felix couldn't see a lot of the pink mat due to all of the people - no, _celebrities_ \- and the paparazzis with their flashing cameras. He squints his eyes by the surprising loud setting. It was noise _everywhere_. Chatter from the cameras, honking from the swarm of cars stuck in traffic, interviewers’ talking with that unnatural and high-pitched tone of theirs that made Felix shiver in chagrin. 

”Felix! Look!”

Aya pointed at a black limousine that slowly made its way to the pink carpet in the middle of the traffic. Felix stared amusingly at her.

_How could she know that the vehicle kept the boys? Even I don't know that_

His gaze shifted towards the forthcoming car with its ebony color sparkling under the early-summer rays. Felix took another deep breath, inhaling the suffocating air of fumes and the distant smell of fast food. Thrill crawled up his spine as the limousine stopped. He could feel Aya’s strong stare on him but doesn't do anything to acknowledge it. His eyes were fixated on the car door that was casually opening. A quick glance at the hand reaching out from the car was all it took for Felix to snort out in frustration. In the corner of his eye, Felix could see Aya turning her head towards the car, so hastily that her black hair whisked against his arm. He observed her face as the coffee-dark eyes went from hopeful glistening to detached disappointment as a tall, slender woman with short blonde hair slinks through the car door and steps down on the rug with glinting high heels. Felix meets the coffee-dark eyes instantly.

”You knew, right?”, she muttered.

He tilts his head in confusion. She sighed.

”You knew that it wasn't the boys before they went out!”. She shrugged her head in disbelief. ”How?”, she breathed out. 

He grinned.

”You’ll understand in a while”

He patted her head as she stuck out her tongue. Spending time with a new ARMY was truly entertaining, he thought, and it sure did bring back some old memories. Felix dropped his hand and she glared at him. 

”Don't talk to me like I'm a little girl. I'm not that much younger than you are and-”. He rolled his eyes, already aware of what she would say. "-I'm taller than y-" 

“How come you thought it was the boys in the car?”, he interrupted. 

She blinked rapidly in surprise before she pulled back, scratching the back of her head as a faint blush appeared on her cheekbones. 

“Well… to be honest, I didn't. I just guessed that it was the boys because that was what usually happened in the past scenes, you know” 

Her voice was slightly dull and her cheeks deepened in a pinker shade. Felix smiled. 

_She really is completely clueless, isn't she?_

The truth about the dream-journey is that there's no pattern, at all. Things literally just happen. Aya didn't seem to even have figured out _why_ she was there in the first place. He shrugged his head. Clueless, so clueless. But she didn't even question it anymore, she'd just accepted that she didn't have a single clue about this entire thing and that was that. As if it was no idea to do anything further except to just accept everything, at least for now. He admired that in the girl.

The same girl who was now stamping impatiently while fanning herself with her hand and cursing quietly under her breath. Felix couldn't blame her for that, he was also soaked in his long-sleeved pajamas that he went to bed with the night before when it had been not more than 10 degrees outside in Marseille. Even Mace, the lovely cat, seemed to struggle in the heat with all that fluffy fur upon herself. He gets reminded of what Aya had spurted out a while ago to the cat. “ _You also have wings in your human form!”_ \- hopefully, Aya hadn't noticed him boggling by that comment earlier and how he thought about that every time he had the chance to. Because that was also something the French girl was clueless about; she had no idea how rare it actually was for Mace to shift into her human form. During the 6 years since Felix had met the hazelnut-colored cat for the first time, he’d only seen the cat’s human form once, and that was solely due to an accident. 

It was 4 years ago when he’d unintentionally walked into the beautiful woman undressed in the cat’s office room. In his inner vision, he could still see the golden, bare skin of the woman’s back that wasn't covered by the wavy blonde hair and the tight skirt revealing the woman’s wide hips as she pulled on a loose shirt, coating her lovely upper body. He’d gasped out loud as soon as he’d seen her, not once but _twice_. First time by the first glance and the second time when a pair of wide eyes reflecting a sandstorm met his and he realized that the woman was no one other than the companion and mentor he found so very admiring. The gorgeous woman had instantly shifted back to the cat form he was familiar with. He’d never seen the cat so full of rage as if real-life thunders exploded around her, and he’d never felt so embarrassed before. He couldn't meet the cat’s eyes for weeks - not that the cat was around him after that, she’d ignored him for many days. She really had been given him the kind of punishment he despised the most; the silent treatment. 

Felix couldn't think of some kind of accident like that happening during Aya’s journey which didn't leave any more possible choice than that the cat had _purposely_ shifted into her human form in front of Aya. He had numerous questions about that. But unfortunately, he noted once again as another car tumbled in front of the pink carpet, those questions had to wait because what was presently occurring was _a lot_ more important. 

A terrifying calmness lowered over Felix when the car halted. It was them, he could weirdly enough feel it all the way from head to toe that it was them. The car door swung up and seven tall, all dark-haired boys stepped off the black vehicle, one after another. He held his breath as they passed by, only inches away from himself and Aya - who’d also frozen by the boys’ comprising presence. Their scents washed over them and Felix's eyes widen confounded because _oh god, they smell so good._ As the boys continue strolling, taking hesitant but steady steps on the pink carpet, Felix takes a pause to turn to Aya before following them. He flings a bit, startled, when meeting Aya’s moist eyes and the faint redness over her nose. However, she looked furious with a slight pout on her lips and breathed rapid breaths. Something melted inside of his heart while he tried to not burst out laughing. She looked like an angry puppy. 

“What’s up with you now?”

She hulked, still with her lips pouting. 

“It’s not fair”, she said while shrugging her head subtly. “It really wasn’t enough that they’re super talented, smart, handsome, kind, sincere, lovely, adorable, genuine and funny”, she paused to take a deep inhale. “Nooo, they had to SMELL GOOD too, for god’s sake”. 

Felix couldn’t restrain it anymore and chuckled out loud. She glared at him with her arms crossed over her chest but he could still see a smile dancing on her lips. Yeah, it really was interesting to spend time with a new ARMY. 

The trio tailed after the seven boys while on the pink carpet. They’d gotten through the paparazzis and were now going to step in on the interviewers’ ground. Felix could see, when he was standing on his toes, the slightly rigid posture of Namjoon’s from behind and felt a sting of both pity and pride in his chest. A true leader, the best leader. 

To his surprise, Aya didn't seem as excited as he thought she would, especially considering the fact that they were surrounded by celebrities. The young girl had her gaze fixated on the boys’ back and her face totally neutral, she felt so absent by his side. Felix, on the other hand, was nearly trembling in restraint. As a musician himself, he felt something nice but fierce bubbling in his chest as he walked past artists he cherished. Like a promise to himself, that someday he was going to be here too, not as another guide for someone else's journey but as an artist. 

///

Aya didn't have a single clue of how the boys could go through those horrific interviews and yet keep those smiles they had on their lips, those smiles that made her heart stop beating for a quick second. Okay, not that all of the interviewers were _that_ bad, but still, Aya had seen a lot better in her life before. Luckily, as all horrific things, it didn't last forever, and soon afterward they had entered the arena which slowly got ready for the award show. She could feel her shoulders dropping from her ears when they took the first step off the hideous pink carpet. It was pretty easy to say that Aya was not impressed so far. However, she didn't want to ruin the mood, not when Felix was staring around the setting like a little child in a candy store for the first time. She’d never seen him like that and wanted to get to know this part of Felix too. By their side was Kitty pawing quickly in order to keep up with the fairies as she stayed silent as she used to. Aya wondered if the cat ever felt bored during all the journeys she had to guide through because Aya knew that she would if she was the one who would guide someone else. 

When the boys had taken their seats in the middle of the reserved chairs for the one's invited, the trio had quickly strident off to find good seats as well. It took a while but eventually, they found a good spot where they could stand and have a great look at both the boys and the stage. 

It hadn't even gone 10 minutes into the show before Aya had gotten bored. She tried to convince Felix and Kitty to agree of time-traveling a bit into the show until BTS received their prize but Felix had dismissed her with a slight wave by his hand. Kitty had hissed at her saying she was low on battery due to all of the time-traveling and needed rest before pawing away from them, leaving Aya with Felix who stared a the performing, western artists with judgemental eyes, as if he was trying to solve the key of success by watching them sing. She sighed heavily but when she raised her gaze to the boys again who with wide eyes watched the show, an obvious affection on their faces, a warmth swelled up inside of her and she thought that maybe it wasn't that bad after all. 

///

As the music faded out, dazing cheers and applauds exploded in the venue. Felix stretched out his neck which had started to ache a bit after watching all of the performances on stage. He turned around to the chattering behind him and his body froze in shock by the sight as his thoughts tried to catch up. A gasp left his throat. On the ground sat Aya cross-legged in front of Mace who'd returned. However, the cat wasn't a cat, Mace had shifted into her human form and the delicate woman was leaning towards the cement wall behind in a tight violet dress with her blonde hair resting down on her shoulders and a pair of transparent wings glimmering behind her. His wide eyes went rapidly back and forth between the girls as his mouth was very much open. The girls didn't take any notice of him as they were in an intense game of rock, paper scissors that didn't seem to go so well for Aya’s part. 

”Rock-”, Aya said, ”paper, scissors!”. Both of the girls threw out the hand they had hidden behind their backs. Aya’s clenched fist versus Mace’s flexed, open hand. For a second they sat completely frozen, staring at the hands in front of them before Aya groaned heavily and Mace’s lips turned into a triumphant smile. They collectively dropped their hand and turned their head to Felix. He locked eyes with a pair of sand-colored such. Mace, who made his cheeks turn awfully heated, was the one who spoke first. 

”Are you having fun, Felix?” 

She tilted her head, the gesture was too much for Felix who shyly broke the eye contact. He nodded, not having enough trust in his voice at the moment. 

_Why has she shifted?_

Mace turned her attention back to Aya who’s face had gotten into a slightly redder shade, what Felix noted. His curiosity took over as he peeked at the blonde woman again. It surprised him that there was no single hint of flustering nor insecurity in her face. The woman was practically gleaming in confidence and satisfaction over their attention. No, that was wrong. Not his attention. Felix raised his eyebrows. 

_Oh_

Her voice was lean as honey when she opened her mouth. 

”Want revenge, Aya?” 

Felix joined the girls for the rest of the time before the _real stuff_ started. Because heʼd found something a lot more fascinating than western artistsʼ performances.

They were all waiting for the announcement of the winners for _Top Social Artist_ award. Not only the trio but the ARMYs in the audience too, he could feel their underlying tension and longing, their feelings were so fierce that it was stimulating. Felix glanced occasionally over his shoulder to look at the boys whereas Aya took every chance she got to blatantly stare at them. He couldn't blame her, not at all, it took him all his might not to stare at them too but he didn't want Mace to feel left out. He’d seen her roll her eyes continuously and sighing irritatingly every time Aya gazed at the boys, however, Felix had also glimpsed that amusing smile that had been on her lips each that time. 

The moment of truth happened quite sooner than what Felix had expected. The three of them had collectively shot up to the sky as the presenter declared that they would announce the winner for the _Top Social Award._

Despite the fact that Felix already knew who the winners were he didn't feel any less nervous because of that. Maybe it was due to the constant hectic gestures from the members that literally screamed in ferment and impatience, or it was because of the deep, audible breaths from the audience behind them - whatever it was, a feeling mixed by uneasiness and excitement was laying over Felix. So heavy, making his lungs quiver slightly each time he tried to inhale. 

But if Felix was nervous then Aya would honestly count as a complete hysteric wreck. She was chewing her bottom lip from the inside so intensely that it made Felix actually worry that she would start bleeding - Mace too, what it seemed like, since the gorgeous woman couldn't draw her eyes from the girl’s lip even for a second. However, Mace’s eyes were glimmering in _hunger_ , not worry. 

The two humans in pj’s had their eyes glued on the seven dark-haired boys as the presenters were about to reveal their win. Felix peeked at Aya who had strangely enough not given him a single glance for more than 5 minutes. 

_So she could concentrate on something! Oh my, how remarkable!_

The still second before the reveal reminded Felix of the quote “the calm before the storm”. Because as soon as the presenters collectively shouted _BTS!,_ the audience from behind - well, _ARMYs_ from behind - broke out in cheers that both Felix and Aya participated in. It was a scream in which you could hear genuine relief, happiness, and pride from each person. 

Felix couldn’t help not to tear up when seeing the boys gathered in a group hug. He was still a mess from the scenes from the previous year and the scene before that and now he had no idea what to feel but overwhelmed. He was impressed by how Aya could have been through even more dream scenes and still not be on her knees, crying until tears wouldn’t spurt out anymore. Aya truly was a strong girl, both mentally and physically. Nonetheless, Felix knew that behind that amazingly good poker face she had and the endless adrenaline rush she got from pretty much every scene, Aya had to be _very_ tired and overwhelmed at this point. Felix’s journey hadn't contained more than 3 scenes and was only lasting enough for a midday nap while Aya, on the other hand, had been dreaming for more than a whole 6 hours already - if what the clock he’d received from the fairy world told the truth. Her journey was already dethroning the average journey length for the entire prior decade. Being on a journey takes on your energy, even though you're really dreaming doesn't cover the fact that you're experiencing the dream scenes as if it was a reality and that your mind is very much awake as well as your body. Aya’s practically pulling an all-nighter but in her dreams. 

He finds it intriguing and surely interesting how Aya’s most yearning wish was _this_ ; to be able to follow BTS as they started to conquer the whole world, not that Felix thinks that it's incomprehensible but it was just a very rare and unique wish for her to have. For other humans on earth with fairy blood running in their veins and who's been on a journey, they often have wishes like seeing their dead relatives or have dream scenes where they experience how their life would be like if they actually succeeded in their work and etc. They all experience that selfish wish that was hiding in the back of their heads for that sole reason that you'll only realize a period of time after. It's a life-changing matter to the point that it could even count as a blessing. The life he dwelled before his journey wasn't a life for himself and it always felt wrong. When Felix saw Aya in his mind, the young girl with the fluffy, dark hair in her bermuda-shorts of beige fabric and a baggy t-shirt, looking so incredibly ordinary, he wondered what it was that she was missing so badly. He wanted to know what she was hiding behind that strong mask of hers that made her feel so miserable. It was strange because he’d only known her for about 4 hours, heard her name for the first time about 6 hours ago, but he still felt this intense urge to actually get to know her and take care of her as he does with his younger sisters. And he wanted to continue going to concerts with her, and go through more dream scenes, and chat about everything from life and BTS to the fairy world and that pulsating friction between her and Mace that she was _so_ oblivious about. Felix wished for so much, and that was so selfish of him, but he couldn't suppress those lingering thoughts he’d just been given. Because when this journey was over, he was going to search for her. 

His thoughts vanished abruptly, like a bubble that's been popped, by someone who shrugged his left arm with strong hands. Felix shrugged his head and tried to recall the surroundings. They were still at the bbmas. However, the boys weren't in their seats nor on the stage. 

_Did I miss their speech?_

In shock, he remembered the reason he woke up from his daydreaming and turned instantly to the left. He looked up to Aya who had a flaring panic in her eyes under the furrowed brows. Felix’s heart pounded fast. Something was wrong. 

”What is it?”, he said with a much calmer voice than he expected while his head went through all kinds of awful scenarios of what could've happened. 

Aya had probably said something to him, but he’d missed it ’cause he’d been stuck in thoughts. She pursed her lips together as if she struggled with words to use, before opening her mouth.

”Kitty!”, her voice trembled, ”she’s not feeling well”

Felix glanced over Aya’s back and his eyes widened when he saw her. Mace was slumped down on the dirty floor, her blonde hair coated her face like a curtain and she had one hand upon her forehead. So this was why she transformed, Felix realized. It's easier to save up the batteries in human form but despite that, and the fact that Mace was terrific at time-traveling, she’d never been through such a long journey like this where you time-travel each and every hour. Felix gulped. Mace was reaching her limits. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooh a cliffhanger. so cruel of me right? 
> 
> but wait guys!! so,, uhm,, can y’all leave a “7” if you’re seeing this? im trying to see sum lol
> 
> (i just want to know if there still are ppl reading this fanfic ㅠ)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #1 on billboard hot 100 y’all ㅠ

**XIII** : waste it on me then

——

Felix was seventeen when he’d found BTS but that wasn't the only significant aspect that occurred that year, no, Felix also went on his journey as a seventeen-year-old boy. He later got to know that he’d actually been one of the youngest half-fairies ever to do so. 

His journey hadn't had such a vital theme though. During the one-hour-long dream he had, he’d experienced a made-up scenario of how his life could be if he chose a path he was terrified of but on the other hand, he was also deeply yearning for. A typical theme of a journey. But let us bring it back to the beginning, shall we? 

Felix was and had always been a top student in class. All his tests and essays got returned to him with the highest grade and he’d always been known as the ”smart guy” in both school and by his relatives ever since grades and results became a crucial thing. However, Felix didn't feel pleased with all the attention because with skills and talents also comes expectations and assumptions. Everyone _thought_ and _assumed_ that he would come to be something great like the one curing cancer or a loaded CEO or the one finding life on Mars or something like that. Yet, their assumptions were completely incorrect. Because Felix didn't give a damn about stuff like that. Yeah, it would be amazing to someone to find a cure to an ancient illness, however, Felix didn't want to become that someone. His heart was pounding for something else, for art, and to actually create something from scratch and express himself. He loved to paint until his hand was cramping and to read to the point where he can't differentiate reality and what was happening in the book. But the one thing he loved the most was music. It was like his music pounded in the beat of a melody, and that his fingers were made to dance over the piano as they did and at the same time where he felt like he wanted to do this for the rest of his life he also felt like that seat beside the piano was dangerous and unavailable for him. As if it wasn't his place to be there. And even though he felt so, he didn't spend a single second passing in his life not thinking about all of the _what if’s._ The one's in his surroundings did acknowledge his _love_ for music, but they did not acknowledge his _passion_ for it. Thinking - or maybe _hoping_ is more accurate - that it was only a hobby of his than a constant hunger and devotion he had towards the beautiful piano and the addicting melodies that he played repeatedly as if he couldn't get enough of the tones. Well, to be fair, he couldn't. Music really had Felix around his throat and he didn't do anything further to change that. 

The journey that the fairy community arranged for him was a sign from the universe, he thought. And that was how Felix began to fight for his long-hidden dream. 

\-----

”But how did you find the boys?” 

Felix glanced up to a pair of brown, curious eyes watching him. He scratched the back of his head as he felt his face irritatingly heating up. Aya’s eyes which were still on him got even more fired up with curiosity. 

”Well… It's not really a striking story. I don't know if you would want to hear-” his words got stuck in his throat when Aya started to nod fiercely. Her hair flapped against her body. Seeing her liveliness, he couldn't help but break into a smile. But he still sighed quietly before speaking. 

”I wanted to impress a girl in my class... Bianca”. 

His eyes drifted up towards the sky as a part of his mind wandered off back in time, awakening the underlying memories. A smug smile formed on his lips. 

“She was a cute girl that I really liked in high school who went to my class but who I wasn’t very close to. One day I picked up the courage to ask her out, after accidentally bumping into her at a mall one time in March. She was startled at first, which was fully understandable but then she’d start mumbling something under her breath to no one specific about if someone _Seokjin_ would see that as cheating”. 

Aya shot him a quick amusing glance whilst biting off a smile which she completely failed with. 

“I was absolutely terrified. I thought that I would become a mistress and destroy a relationship. I was also confused as hell because I’d never heard anyone mention anything about her having a boyfriend. I’m guessing that my confusion could easily be seen since she’d started giggling like crazy as soon as her attention went back to me again. That made me even more confused but a part of myself was satisfied that I’d made her laugh.”, he continued. 

He heard a loud snort from his side but didn’t acknowledge it. 

“Well, she started to explain to me who this _Seokjin_ was and when I got home I searched them up on youtube. My first intention was to impress her by knowing a lot about the boys she loved so dearly, but I unknowingly continued to look even more about them but for my _own_ sake and before I knew it I had fallen for seven men”

His gaze returned to Aya. 

They had now stopped in front of an American diner. An open-sign in a blue neon color was hanging on the front door to the small building that was painted in yellow pastel. Through the numerous windows of the diner, you could hardly see tables and red sofas. A typical diner, straight up from a 70’s movie, Felix thought. He assumed that it would look stunning at night, however, the sun was still gazing in its evening hours for them. 

Aya didn’t look at him, she had her eyes set on the diner in front of them with a fond expression stuck on her face. Felix smiled and reached out a hand to pat her head. Aya flinched slightly by his touch as if she’d forgotten that he was still beside her. He dropped his hand and watched her cautiously. He’d been able to distract her from her many thoughts for a while but it seemed like that period was over. She yawned.

“Now there’s something that _I_ would like to know”, he stated firmly. She looked at him with moist eyes. “It’s an important question” She frowned and tilted her head. _Good, now I have her attention,_ Felix said in his mind. 

“Who is”, his voice was deep, ”your bias in BTS?”

She stared at him, blinking slowly before breaking into a grin. 

“OH-TEE-SEVEN”, she replied in a loud, confident voice. He winked at her. He took a step forward but stopped midair when Aya called him out. 

“Let me guess your bias.” He turned around just to face her and met her sly eyes. 

Felix couldn’t deny the curiosity that started to bloom in his chest. He wondered what kind of vibes he gave off that made her look so confident about who his bias was. Was it obvious? Her grin expanded to the point that a pair of faint dimples were visible as the fairies had their eyes locked with one another.

“Kim Seokjin”

He snorted before it developed into a laugh. His shoulders moved up and down on a beat of his laughter. Aya collectively joined at some point, he didn't know when since he was too caught up with trying to keep his balance. He failed. The Filipino fairy fell on the ground, butt first, and gasped for air whilst his laugh resounded in the nearly deserted place in LA. He didn’t even know why he was laughing, but it was just something really funny about it. 

When their laughing session ended, both of them were on the ground panting with runny eyes and stomach aches. She looked at him with anticipated eyes, still waiting for his answer. Felix closed his eyes, angled his head up to the sky, and nodded reluctantly. Aya burst once more into laughter. 

\-----

///

The fairies had left Kitty back at the show to let their time-traveler rest. Aya had been against the idea at first but Felix had managed to calm her down. _She’s invisible for the rest of the folks here, there is no reason for you to worry!_ That’s what he’d said. He’d even made a call to Manny to make sure that at least someone had eyes on her. But despite that, Aya still felt a heavy knot inside her gut. 

After the boys had done their speech at the award show Kitty had fallen to the ground beside her. Before she’d realized it herself, Aya had kneeled down to the floor as well only a second later. Aya could still remember the way she had trembled on the floor whilst her hand had been cold and limp in hers as well as it was soaked in sweat. She hadn’t been able to even get a look at her face since that silky hair of hers had been in the way. However, she had gotten some words from the trembling woman in front of her. A whole sentence, actually. A sentence that she couldn’t stop dwelling on. A sentence that had stung her heart but not in a way she thought it would. A sentence that had made everything clear. A sentence of 13 words; _I’m sorry but I think your journey has to wait for a bit... Aya._

Felix had convinced her to take a walk and had been successfully trying to detract the strong worry he’d sensed from her. He’d told her about his journey he’d made when he was young and how he’d found the boys. It was nice to listen to his calming voice and being close to the reassuring aura that was all over him. She recalled what she’d felt like during her first encounter with Felix. That his whole presence gave off a “safe space” vibe and she’d never agreed about something as much as she did with that statement. Felix was a whole safe space himself. 

When they had returned to the arena again the sun had started to set. The sky was fading into a warm orangish color with pink clouds drifting over it looking like cotton candy. It was still heavy traffic in front of the arena and the pink carpet which was now vacant by the absence of interviewers and paparazzis. Aya’s feet had started to hurt even though she wore shoes. Apparently, Felix had found two pairs backstage which he said that he “lent”, Aya didn’t really know how all of that worked considering they were traveling in a dream and weren’t really there but she’d already agreed with herself to not question anything any further since it didn’t bring a single one clear-cut answer anyway. However, they had been walking for a few miles and the shoes that Felix had lent wasn’t the most comfortable thing to wear, unfortunately. 

They sneaked in into the arena and Aya didn’t even notice that her feet were moving at a faster pace the closer they got to where _she_ was. Aya didn't even notice that her heart rate had started to raise, and not due to the exercise. Aya didn’t notice that she was passing by Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens, and Bruno Mars as she walked. She didn’t even notice that she was passing Drake! She had only one thing in her mind and that was to get to _her_. 

Kitty had been moved to a small room backstage of the arena where the music and the fans’ shouts weren’t as audible. The room was more of a storeroom and it only had enough space for two persons. Aya thought that it was better for Felix to enter the room rather than her, even though the rest of the cells in her body highly disagreed. But when she twirled around the man was nowhere to be seen. It struck her that she'd maybe shaken him off in the crowd on the way there. She shrugged her shoulders. 

_Well then..._

She peeked over her shoulder to glance at the closed door. She could even _feel_ the presence of the half-human through the door. She twirled around, facing the door, but hesitated once again. Maybe she should wait for Felix after all? He’s a lot more experienced within fairies than she was. A former memory emerged in her mind: Kitty trembling on the floor, her cold but sweaty hand, and the low, fragile voice she’d used which Aya had never heard from her before. She gulped and then she took a step forward. Her heart pounded hastily in her chest. An annoying sigh left out her mouth, why was she so nervous? She shrugged her head. It’s only Kitty we’re talking about here. Kitty who had been accompanying her for the past few hours, probably the most important hours of her life, of course, she’d started to mean a lot to her. It wasn’t anything wrong with that. Kitty was her dear friend. Yes, that was all she was. She braced herself and pressed down the door handle. _Only a friend._

The door turned up with a faint _screech_ and revealed a thin woman sitting on the floor, leaning back at the shelf filled with cleaning equipment behind her and hugging her knees to her chest. Aya’s eyes wandered over her body. Her honey-blonde hair was slightly tousled and fell in wavy curls over her shoulders and chest. Aya noticed the wings that were encased but which was still peeking up behind her back. Then her eyes went to the woman’s face. Kitty looked _so_ tired. Dark bags rested right under her eyes and not a single muscle in her face was functioning. Her lips were pale and clasped together. Even though Kitty looked as exhausted as a single mom finally managing to get her child to sleep after half a night of screaming on a Tuesday night, Aya couldn’t help not to get stunned by her beauty. It was like there were sparkles surrounding her and the exhaustion just made her look so _real_ and as close to a human as she could be. Aya held back the urge to slap herself, has she gone _crazy_? What kind of creep finds exhaustion attractive? Her mind hushed when she realized that she had eyes on herself. She raised her gaze slightly and locked eyes with Kitty who watched her with half-closed eyes. The knot in her stomach expanded when she saw the eyes who seemed to have lost that radiant sandy color. The gaze she got lost into was still stable and intense; contrasting the rest of the drained out body that the eyes were a part of. 

“Kitty”, she breathed out. The woman’s eyes softened and Aya sank down in front of her. 

Aya closed the door behind her smoothly, enclosing them both in the small room. Then a lull fell over them but a comfortable one. Being so close to Kitty made the knot inside Aya’s gut dissolve. Kitty looked more at ease as well. 

“Are you okay?”, she whispered to the blonde woman in front of her. 

Kitty shrugged her shoulder faintly, a frail gesture for someone who always seems to be so strong. Aya didn’t dare to ask any further questions since she knew that she would just take up the poor energy that Kitty had built up since they left her here. Instead, she did something even bolder. Aya reached forward for the hand that Kitty had around her legs, untangling it before intertwining it with her own. They didn’t break eye contact even a single second during the act. And so, the women sat in front of each other, eyes and hands locked with another and with flushed cheeks. A form of comfort that extended far farther than words could ever do. 

\-----

///

Felix had stayed back at the stage, continuing watching the show and watching BTS with bright, puppylike eyes. After the announcement of the _top social award,_ the boys had started to get in a more eased mood even though Felix could still feel the jumpy and conscious tension in their faces and actions as they too enjoyed the performances on the stage. _They’re so humble_ , he thought and grinned, making dimples appearing on his cheeks. 

He’d chosen to stay in belief that Aya would be able to check up on Mace by herself and considering that she hadn't been running up to him yet screaming for help again probably confirmed that he’d made the right decision. And if it had gone really bad he would've been contacted by Manny who even now supervised Mace. Still, he felt inner stress slowly arising. The award show started to get to its end and they were already late for the next scene but they might have to stay here even longer until Mace felt alright again. Unwillingly, he peeked down to the watch he had around his wrist. His eyes widened. They had been there for 3 hours already. _3 hours_ . Aya’s dream has in total been going on for nearly _9 hours_ already and they were only in _2017_ , they had at least three scenes left. Felix bit the inside of his cheek and forced himself to take his eyes off the damn watch. He lifted his hands to the face, kneading his cheeks and forehead. This was bad, very bad. 

///

After Kitty had spent several minutes to get Aya fully convinced that she was alright, the winged woman in violet stepped out of the room and left, not even waiting for Aya to get up from the floor. Aya brushed off the dirt from her pants and cursed under her breath as she watched the empty doorway. Haven’t they been holding hands only a few minutes ago? She could feel the blush on her face ensuing by the memory. She shrugged her head before heading out from the small storeroom. _She really has gone crazy._

When she got to Felix and Kitty the both of them were discussing something she didn’t catch because she was too busy gasping for air. The results from not exercising for weeks were really showing now, huh. She didn’t want to look so out of shape though and still stood up straight but actually, all she wanted to do was to sink down on the floor and curl into a ball and coach Joe would have called her a disgrace for that. Instead, her eyes wandered over the place in order to find her boys. The award show was closing and loads of confetti rained over them but she still managed to find them. Her eyes stayed a few seconds as she fondly gazed over them, one by one. _Jeongguk. Seokjin. Hoseok. Namjoon. Yoongi. Jimin. Taehyung._ Her heart filled up with warmth and adrenaline flowed over her body. No matter how many times she had seen them by now wasn’t enough to illuminate the fluttering butterflies that emerged in her stomach and chest as soon as she laid eyes on them. That’s why she felt so cold when Kitty called her name and she turned around to see her new, beautiful friends looking at her with sympathetic eyes. 

“What?”

The voice that left her was weak and her mouth had gone dry. There was something bad coming up, definitely. This time it was Felix who spoke. He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes that were practically filled by pity. 

“It’s time to get going”

“Kitty”, her gaze sank into the sand-colored eyes, “are you really ready for that?” 

Kitty nodded with pursed lips. But Aya wasn’t that sure. She opened to say something but got interrupted by Felix. 

“ _Aya”,_ his voice was firm and begging at the same time. “If we don’t leave immediately, you’ll wake up before this journey can end, understood?” 

The honesty and solemnity displayed in his face made it hard to do anything but nod. Anxiety hit her right in the chest. Time, time, time. The one thing she’d had tons of before was now the one thing that she was running out of. She could even hear a clock ticking in her mind as if there was something that counted down the time she had left on this journey. 

Despite that, Aya steeled herself. Let’s not waste any additional time, she thought to herself. Let’s live as if nothing could stop me. 

She broke into a smug grin as she tilted her head. 

“Understood”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologise for the lack of bts in this chapter but don’t worry, it’ll hopefully be a lot more in the future :] & thank u for more than 100 hits <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu hi everyone.. it’s been a while sorry for that, school’s putting me thru it rn :/

**IX:** beneath the mask

——

As they traveled to the next year and the next scene of the journey, Aya allowed herself to reflect over the journey she’d been on so far. Only to fully appreciate the final scenes she had left and the memories she’d gotten for only the last few... (how long has it been again? probably a couple of hours? right?) ...hours but also because the pictures floating around her in the ”middle” void that summarized the past year, in this case: 2017, were very hostile. An image over a tall building with a broken window and lots of police cars twinkling with blue lights standing beside. The golden text below the image said:” _the Las Vegas shooting”._ Another image floating around portrayed a horrifying picture of a big, wrinkled, blond man in a suit standing behind a wide podium - ” _the new president of the United States”._ Her interest dropped to the floor. 

Even though the time-traveling was quite dreary and pretty much just a waste of time, Aya still felt a tiny bit grateful for that sole period of time where she was able to sit down and cope with everything going on because _a lot_ was going on. The memories flashed by in her mind just like scenes shifting on a movie screen. 2013: the debut showcase - the first time she’d seen the boys. 2014: ‘boy in luv’ release and KCON - the most memorable experience in her life. 2015: BTS’s first music show win - where she met Felix for the first time. 2016: 3rd muster - her first BTS concert and MAMA awards and the most recent one, 2017: the bbmas. Aya sighed out loud and sank down a little lower in her seat. Her voice got drowned out by the whining wind that braced their skin and pushed them back. Aya’s heaps of braids whirled around her and flicked her cheeks, shoulders, and back as the wind got stronger. She squinted her eyes and clenched her legs around the sides of Kitty’s back as the strong wind reached its strongest and thereby _final_ form. Her arms had a tight grip around Felix’s torso, below his wings, and under her breath, she repeated _please, please, please_ to herself. She could feel how Kitty fought against the overwhelming wind. Thankfully, it started to decrease only a few seconds afterward and Aya exhaled and dared to open her eyes. Her grip around Felix’s waist didn’t lessen though, Aya still remembered clearly during her first time-travel in the “middle” void where she’d thought that everything was over only to nearly fall off seconds later by an unexpected strong-ass wind. However, that didn't happen this time. Instead, they smoothly landed on the ground in the midst of a clean street. The sun was shining over them making Aya squint her eyes another time by the drastic light. She felt like a teenager who’d just woke up and whose mother had pulled away the curtains, you know that scene in nearly every _Disney Channel_ series. Despite the shining sun, the cold temperature overwhelmed them and made Aya instantly release her arms around Felix only to embrace herself instead. The short blue dress she wore was definitely not suitable for the early spring weather. Because it was early spring or February to be specific, according to the movie poster adorning the bus stop: “ _Black Panther_ \- In cinemas now”. The movie poster had Korean letters and it hit her that they were back in Seoul as she looked around at the surroundings that were all kind of familiar to her. 

She pulled away even farther from Felix when his wings started to flutter due to the cold temperature, even her own wings were doing that as well. It seemed like their wings were sensitive to cold because they started flickering like crazy. The weather in Fairyland has to be quite warm then, she assumed to herself. It took her a while to realize that they were _moving_. Kitty had started walking down the street. The people passing them were covered in huge padded jackets and looked so small compared to enormous Kitty and the fairies sitting on top of her. Felix turned his head to face her, his dark hair fell irritatingly perfect on his shoulders. His nose was flushed and Aya could see the well-detailed goosebumps on his bare arms. 

“What are we going to do?”, she asked. White smoke came out from her mouth as she talked, it made her hug herself even tighter. It was Kitty who answered her question. 

“This year is different from the past. We won’t be seeing as few and long scenes but we’ll watch many, yet short glimpses of the year instead” 

Aya scowled. 

“Okay, but why?”

“Hopefully you’ll understand that before we move into the next year”

She tilted her head. 

“You may not understand anything now, however, _you will_ do later on”, Felix said and smiled at her. She didn’t get anything that the two were trying to say at all but he looked so honest and sure when he spoke that it made Aya feel eased as well. 

A freezing breeze met them and Aya tried to sink even deeper in Kitty’s fur.

They didn’t stop until they were in the middle of what seemed to be a park. In front of them opened a wide, frozen lawn. Empty park benches were stationed around the area and a river streamed silently along the park’s edge behind a low, black fence. Tall trees without any leaves scattered over the park and you could see buildings on the opposite side of the creek. To their left stood a vast bridge that reached all the way to the other tract. 

Aya took a deep inhale of the fresh air and gazed over the park. It was surprisingly vacant, considering that it was a sunny spring day and the scenery was truly stunning. There were only a few couples strolling hand-in-hand visible. Thin clouds drifted over the otherwise clear, blue sky and Aya would just ask the others why they were there when her eyes finally found its destination. _Dunk, dunk, dunk_. Her heart pounded loud and harsh in her chest as she gasped for air. 

On one park bench, beside a tall tree near the bridge, sat a man with a book in his hands. He wasn’t too far from them, maybe fifty yards away. His face was very well-covered, but not to the point that it would awaken any suspiciousness. He wore a blue cap and one of those masks that Aya had gotten too familiar with wearing herself due to this pandemic. He had a brown jacket and a huge scarf around his neck. For any other, it would've looked completely normal, but for Aya she was struggling to breathe because of that man. Felix had also laid eyes on the man and was the one to utter anything first. 

” _Namjoon”,_ he breathed out. 

It felt way different to watch him away from the stage and the interviewers. He looked so peaceful as he sat there, drowned in the book in his large hands. It almost felt intimate to see this side of him, the side of him that wasn’t RM or the leader of BTS, but purely Kim Namjoon who loved to hang out near the Han river and who loved to read books. He was so… _beautiful_. 

Suddenly, the scene glitched and Aya flinched. First, she thought that it was only an error. However, the scene glitched once again. Before she knew it, it started glitching like crazy, as if she was watching an overused DVD. She turned to Felix with panicked eyes. He had that pity look on his face once again. 

”What’s happening?”, she shouted because the glitching also made a squeaking sound. 

The world around her went black a few seconds and then the park returned again, without any severe glitching. Neither Felix nor Kitty said anything. She could hear a clock ticking, however, if it were only in her mind or actually happening, she didn't know. But something, no, _time,_ was literally running out. Her gaze went instinctively back to the peaceful man reading a book under a tree on a park bench. A soft wave of warmth swarmed over her heart. _Tick tick tick._ She breathed out and kept her eyes on Namjoon as the scene started glitching furthermore. Then the ticking noise stopped and the world turned black. Aya buried her front teeth on the inside of her bottom lip to prevent herself from tearing up. It stunned her how much it _hurt_ . Not her lip, but her _heart_. It felt empty where it was in her chest, pounding as always. The darkness and silence felt suffocating and she reached her palm to Felix’s direction. He flinched a bit when her hand landed on his shirt. A shaking breath left her mouth whilst feeling the warmth from him. She hadn't even realized that she’d been freezing. Luckily, the darkness didn't last any longer and a new scene opened in front of their eyes. What Aya didn't know at that time was that the darkness had only just begun. 

They got greeted by the smell of sweat roaming through their nostrils, heat washing over their skin, and a familiar song blasting from speakers together by a squeaking sound from striding sneakers on a floor. A practice room. They were in _BTS’s_ practice room. It was a simple practice room, pretty much what she'd thought it would look like, especially after watching their dance practice videos. But it felt _enormous_ , seeing it in their fairy form. Bright lights from the ceiling, walls painted in white, a large space of floor in the middle with an open, small room besides with enough space to have music equipment - which probably was controlling the music playing - and then a table filled with snack bags and water bottles on top, and of course, stools. 

The fairies and their cat weren't alone in the practice room as they stood in the corner. In front of their eyes towered seven men, dancing intensely, causing the squeaking sound on the floor when their feet roamed around the polished floor. Aya’s eyes widened by the sight of them, by the sight of _BTS_. And she also came to realize that they were alone with them. 

All of them had black hair and wore either loose clothes or a workout set. This was the closest she’d been to them during the entire journey and she was completely stunned by them. She felt paralyzed watching them, it was impossible for her to move her eyes away as they were dancing so well and impressively synchronized. They really danced with their entire body, melting into the song and absorbing the melody’s vibe. The boys were _one_ with the music. But then, something occurred. 

It was in the middle of the hook of _FAKE LOVE,_ before Namjoon and Yoongi’s verse. They were all sliding over the floor in different directions but two members had gotten too close and bumped into one another. It only lasted for half a second or so, before the two members quickly adjusted to their correct position. The boys continued dancing, as if the mistake hadn’t happened, and finished the song whilst Aya and Felix watched them with eyes overflowing with adoration and pride. Both of them had completely forgotten about that minor collision that had occurred. However, that wasn’t the case for the members. 

As soon as the music stopped all of the members fell to the floor. Aya flinched back, with eyebrows high on her forehead in something between surprise and worry. The members breathed heavily on the floor with their wet strips of hair glued on their foreheads. It was as if a demon had possessed them during the song and it had now disappeared along with the music. For a while, the only sound audible was their breaths. Then one of them sat up, he was dressed in a white, long-sleeved shirt and baggy, black pants with a pair of sneakers in the same color scheme as the rest. Around his head was a black headband that was pushing his hair away from the long, delicate face of his. 

“ _One more time._ ”, Hoseok said with an encouraging voice, “ _Let’s get it done. Come on._ ” 

He clapped his hands before he gracefully pulled himself off the floor and started to head to the music equipment. The other six members laid still for one second, two seconds, and then, as if they really were one body, each of them sat up. Taehyung reached for the few water bottles that were placed against the mirrors and sent them around to the rest of the members. They didn’t need words to communicate. All of them gulped down the water, except the two that had bumped into each other during the practice, Jimin and Jeongguk. Jimin who had his face hidden under a black cap kept his head a bit lower down, facing the floor with his full lips pursed together. Jeongguk on the other hand had his head up towards the sky. Dark streaks of hair fell off his face. You could easily see the frustration in the frowned eyebrows of his, the narrowed lips, and the dark eyes that were glaring at the ceiling. Namjoon seemed to sense the arising distress in the two’s and spoke up. 

” _Jimin-ah, Jeongguk-ssi, it's okay. You did well. We all make mistakes”,_ he reassured as to the leader he is. _“Didn't you see me yesterday?”,_ he jokingly said. “ _It's really okay”_

However, the two didn't respond. Seokjin was the one who broke the lull.

” _Yah!”,_ he slapped Jimin’s thigh gently, who was the one nearest to him of the two. ” _Stop sulking now, both of you, we’ll finish it off after this one. Just one more”_ , he said before standing up steadily, joined by Namjoon a second later.

Jimin pretended to be busy playing with the tip of his sleeve. Jeongguk just stared right in front of him, mouth slightly open. Small streams of sweat ran by the side of his face. Seokjin stared at him with knitted brows. 

” _Jeongguk-ah, hyung will cook you your favorite meal tonight. How does that sound?”_. Seokjin smiled gently and stars appeared in his dark eyes. He didn't wait for a response, just twirled around, and headed to get another bottle of water. 

Namjoon started to do some stretches in front of the mirror and you could hear faint cracking sounds from joints in his body as he moved. Jeongguk was still busy zooming out with wide eyes, the frustration had already washed away from his face though. Maybe the words from his hyung’s were enough to make it disappear or maybe he’d chosen to not care about it any longer, or at least for now. Jimin had finally gotten up from the floor, the frustration was off of him as well, and he was currently practicing the part where they had bumped into each other before. His eyes were recharged with energy and he had an appealing determination and focus in his presence, making it hard to look away. Yoongi and Taehyung silently eyed the members from their seats on the floor, gulping down water. Yoongi looked tired - no, _exhausted_ , with dark circles under his dull eyes that were hiding from his bangs. Taehyung too had a certain look on his face that was hard to identify. Something felt _off_ . Not only with them, but with every member. You could not only see it in their tepid faces but also _feel_ it. The air around them was filled with pressure, thoughts, desperation, and desire after fundamental perfection. It felt suffocated to breathe in the room and yet, they still smiled. They still did their ultimate best to keep on going, to _not_ lose it. It all made you question whether you should feel inspired, or worried. 

Like the previous scene, this too started glitching. Small glitches over the dream scene that successively turned rough and then _POOF!,_ complete darkness. Aya found herself gasping quietly for the cold air whilst in the dark void of time-travel. She felt the knot in her stomach twisting and pounding in sync with her heart. 

”Can you feel it too?”, Felix asked over his shoulder, ”the anxiety, I mean”, he asserted after a tiny period of silence. Aya hummed a yes. He nodded briefly. 

”That’s what love is. You get happy whenever they're happy and get sad whenever they're sad”, he shrugged his head, ”it’s as much of a blessing as it is a curse”. 

Aya tilted her head. _Those words felt so familiar_ , she thought. She opened her mouth to answer him but got interrupted by the enormous wind that pulled them back before a new scene opened up in front of their eyes. 

This time they were in a small, empty room where one wall only had windows reaching all the way from the ceiling to the floor, revealing that they were high up in a building. The pitch-dark sky on the other side of the window told them that it was night. However, the city they were in didn’t show any signs of sleeping. Cars were still busy on the road, windows in other buildings were still lit up and down at the ground people - looking like ants from the floor they were on - were strolling along the streets. Aya dragged her eyes away from the view and started to gaze at the room they were in instead. She squinted her eyes to see better in the non-illuminated space. It was only furnished with a low wooden table in the center of the room, placed by the window so you had the sight of the city night view right in front of you. A tall door stood in the corner of the room, closed, and behind the table laid a flattened measly pillow. The floor was wooden too and looked polished beneath them. Aya stood up, still with her tiny feet on top of Kitty’s back, buried deep in brown fur. Her legs and feet felt numb after sitting Kitty’s back for so long and it felt nice to stretch them out. 

Suddenly she heard a creaky noise in the otherwise very silent space and flinched back. She slipped and her feet slid down from each side of Kitty and fell abruptly on her butt. Aya grimaced at the pain that arose but turned her head quickly to where the sound came from. It was the doorknob turning that was behind the noise and before she knew it, a sluggish Jeongguk came in with his head lowered, raven-colored hair locks falling over his eyes. He was carrying a wine bottle along with a wine glass in his hand. Kitty padded hurriedly away to a corner. He was dressed in black from head to toe and Aya’s heart throbbed by the sight. The alluring city night view she’d seen a minute ago was nothing compared to _him_. With a groan, he sat down on the pillow and placed the stuff he’d been carrying on the table. A lull fell. Jeongguk raised his gaze and admired the night view with eyes reflecting the city lights. He looked so beautiful to the point where he even could go up against the most beautiful waterfalls, or the moon, or all of the millions of stars that are surrounding it. However, he looked glum. His bare face was blank and shadowed in the obscurity and his shoulders were slumped. The deep breathing from his body was the only sound hearable. 

_So vulnerable_ , Aya thought and without even realizing it herself, her affection towards the man in front of her flourished a bit further. 

Jeongguk reached for the wine bottle on the table. He started to twist and turn it around in his hands, skimming over the text on the bottle. Felix moved in his seat, so both his legs were at one side of the cat and so that his eyes faced Jeongguk. The fairy leaned towards Aya. 

“This is the same day as the last scene”, he whispered. Her eyes widened, _oh_ . Maybe that’s why he looked so glum - he was still thinking about the mistake from the dance practice. Aya leaned back and supported herself by placing her hands behind her, into the fur. She was already aware that Jeongguk was a perfectionist, but since Aya had never been one herself, she felt slightly shocked. _Striving for perfection isn’t all fun and games, huh_ , she thought as she gazed over the raven-haired boy taking his first gulp of the wine. She felt a tiny bit of jealousy in herself because she’d never been so passionate about something, or even cared so much about something that she’d felt so displeased and disappointed whenever a problem occurred. That’s because there was always a way out of everything - giving up. Then she felt an arising fear within herself, a very strong one. Because she was familiar with the look on the raven-haired one in front of her. It’s the look she’d seen in the mirror countless times whenever she’d felt anxious or distressed after boxing practice. Her own prior words echoed in her head. _Giving up._

The next scene started faster than she’d expected. They had been in the small room with Jeongguk and then she’d blinked and they had been in an entirely different space. No glitches, no darkness, no harsh wind that’s trying to pull you off - only a goddamn blink. 

Now they were in what looked like a hotel room. A small but luxurious hotel room. The walls were painted in a dark, grey color. There was one white door in one of the corners and another one that led to a separate room which most likely was the bathroom. In the middle of the room stood a wide bed in white, sleek sheets that made Aya’s body itch with a longing to just lay down. The fairies and their cat were on top of a bumped out window seat near the bed. Against the wall stood a small desk. The one sitting by the desk was the important one, also the one who was the cause behind Aya’s and Felix’s rapid heartbeats. 

”The genius himself”, Felix breathed out silently beside her. 

///

_Min Yoongi_ sat by the desk and couldn't find what was missing to save his life. He stared at the screen in front of him. It showed different graphs with the same lengths layered on top of each other. Each graph equaled a different sound that together intertwined into a sole melody. 

He had worked on this piece for god knows how long. At first, everything seemed to flow like a river but now it seemed like that river had reached a stone wall that was stubbornly blocking the flow. Because _something_ was missing. But no matter how many times he listened to his piece, to the melody, whilst staring intensely at the graphs from instruments, he couldn't figure it out. And it stressed him out, a lot. The pressure felt infinite as it was pounding through his body with every heartbeat. His mind went elsewhere. _Success. Failure. Expectations. Disappointment._ Those thoughts were the stones in the river. Those thoughts flocked the otherwise clear and rational brain. He _knew_ it and that was what made it even more frustrating. Yoongi sighed out loud and let his mind think. The forlorn mind went instantly to the unspeakable words that both made him feel relieved and also very much terrified. Words that, even though how much he tried to deny it, began to actually make sense at this point. 

_Giving up_. 

///

Aya and Felix watched him over knitted eyebrows because they felt it too. It was something that was very wrong. When Aya shot a glance at Felix she could also see a glimpse of what looked like true despair. She knew that Felix probably knew what was going on and the fact that she didn't know made her angry. Another time her unknowingness and clueless left her mad. Why couldn't just someone tell her what was going on? 

Yoongi was buried in a black hoodie and the bright light from the screen in front of him was reflected in his pale, ethereal face and the raven-colored sleek hair that fell over his forehead. From their seat, only his side profile was visible, however, his tired eyes were nonetheless quite obvious. He sighed, annoyed with something on the screen that he was staring at continuously. Suddenly, the world literally turned upside down, like a game board flipping side. From the room with Yoongi, a new room disclosed right in their faces. An identical room, possibly still from the same hotel, with dark grey walls and a huge bed. However, the desk in this room was empty, as well as the seat beside it. Instead, the certain one was sitting on the edge of the bed in a loose white tee and a pair of black, Bermuda shorts. His dark hair was more visible now than what it had been before, during the scene of their dance practice, and Aya was amused over how long it actually was - Taehyung had grown a _mullet_ . His visuals up this close were so breathtaking that it made Aya feel scantily intimidated. Still, his face displayed so much unhappiness that the intimidation she felt got quickly replaced by concern. _What is going on?_ she thought while eyeing Taehyung who stared through the window with vacant eyes. Aya followed his gaze through the window, a similar night view she'd seen before with Jeongguk got revealed. But it was a distinct difference this time that made this night view look completely unique. Countless stars adorned the dark sky over the trafficked roads and towering buildings. A shining crescent moon rested high up in the sky, right in front of the window, making it look like it looked after them. Aya noticed a sly smile on Taehyung’s lips as he too, locked eyes with the healing scenery and lovely moon. It sparkled inside Aya’s chest, she wanted to give him an entire galaxy that he could gaze up at whenever he looked so painfully sad as he did before. She returned her gaze to the moon and the millions of tiny luminaries in its company and felt lighter in the chest. _The sky always gives us a reason to live_ . Whatever that was going on with the boys right now, because something _was_ going on, she would remember this and do her absolute best to give them as much happiness and love as she could when she came back from the journey. The stream of moonlight felt stimulating on her face. _Because that was what her boys deserved_ , she thought, _endless love and happiness_ . Her lips curled into a soft smile. A quiet voice deep in her head asked, _but how about you?_

It was the same cycle once again. Successive glitching, then _POOF!_ complete darkness and _POOF!_ a whole new world. The first thing the fairies and their cat could comprehend was a familiar loud cheering noise - _fans_ and a song which too was as, if not even more, familiar to them. 

The crowd had grown a bit since the last time she was at the _MAMA_ awards _._ It came as an amusing surprise and ego boost to her realizing that more than half of the arena were ARMYs who waved exaggeratedly with their ARMY bomb while screaming. Up at the big screens, BTS got displayed heading over to the stage while _Idol_ played over the cheering. _If it was already the_ MAMA _awards it had to be December right now_ , Aya thought. She eyed the boys from where she stood right in front of the stage. They had changed a lot since she last saw all of them together at the dance practice scene which had been only a few minutes ago for her, but lots of months ago in reality. Now, the seven raven-haired boys only had three raven-haired. The other ones had brown, purple, red, and grey hair, and they were all dressed in different colored suits that fitted them very prettily. However, that wasn't the change that Aya meant. It was the look on their eyes - _joy._ She exhaled a long breath and broke into a smile. _What a relief._

Aya still had the ”journey-advantage” ability to understand Korean. And that's why it felt like an invisible someone clenched her heart and punched her in the face when she listened to her dear boys’ speech. 

They had won _artist of the year_ \- for the _third_ time in a row and she screamed so much that her lungs had started to oppose. It was something in the air that she was so absorbed at. The many ARMY’s out there around her, Felix holding her hand, the feeling of Kitty’s fur brushed against her ankles, and the sight of the seven boys at the stage receiving the golden trophy - everything just felt so _right._

Hoseok started speaking on the mic with his right hand around the trophy. And then it started, the invisible clenching around her heart, activated by the first, sole word “ _ARMY”._

Aya doesn’t cry. Like ever. She usually just gets angry or something like that but crying - _no._ That’s extremely rare to happen. And that’s why she couldn't believe what was happening when she could feel something wet oozing out from her eyes and running down her cheeks. However, only a tiny part of her was aware of that, the rest of her attention was on the men in front of her and especially the man in the center of them who also had tears streaming down his long, delicate face. The truth was out there, the reason behind their prior gloom faces and hard times. Because they truly have had a hard time. 

///

” _I would’ve cried if I received this award and I would’ve cried if I didn't receive this today_ ”, Hoseok said with a breathy voice. He struggled with getting the words out as he also fought back the tears that threatened to fall down, that so _wanted_ to fall down. ” _We went through so much and we received so much love from you_ ”

His chest expanded widely by each deep breath and his gasps for air were very much audible in mic but Hoseok didn't care because he really needed to say these things that he had been silently carrying on for way too long now. 

” _We really wanted to give it all back to you. Truly, thank you so much_ ”, the members had all tightened up together beside Hoseok with bloodshot eyes, ” _and I also want to thank our members here at this moment_ ”. 

Jimin broke into a soft smile and hugged Hoseok from behind, leaning his chin on the older’s shoulder. 

” _Thank you. I love you_ ”, he finished quickly, still fighting off the tears that were stinging behind his eyelids. He handed over the trophy to Jimin and then left the mic. He went to the edge, standing beside Seokjin and panted for breath with his chest feeling scantily lighter. Hoseok wiped away his tears as he listened to ARMY’s loud cheers in response. His heart pounded harshly in his chest. However, it felt comforting in a way, knowing that he was alive even after all those hard periods. He’d survived. 

///

Aya listened to them silently behind tears streaming down from her eyes, blocking her vision. Felix was still holding her hand gently. Her sight was so blurry that when she looked up at him she couldn't see whether he was crying or not, he was so silent. But occasionally she would hear a quiet whimper beside her. 

While listening to BTS, it struck her how much pain they had to swallow to carry on during their days. Since ARMYs probably didn't have a single clue about this, the boys must’ve convinced them totally that they were all doing okay. _Okay, my ass,_ Aya thought while a new wave of tears exploded from her eyes, she took a shaky breath. Her heart ached thinking about it, visualizing how much they struggled inside. It felt frustrating knowing that they didn’t say anything about it but on the other hand, it’s not our thing to know. BTS are humans too, it’s not their duty to be so open and vulnerable to us. Yet, they still chose to tell us about their hardships while standing on the huge stage, revealing their vulnerability to us, revealing what’s been hiding underneath their masks. And _god_ , how much it hurts. 

Lastly, Seokjin acquired the place at the mic. At that point, nearly all of the members in front of them and ARMYs in the crowd were crying. An enormous crying party between BTS and their fans, that was what this whole award show was. 

The oldest’s voice was brittle but the words that came out were all loud and clear, and Aya understood every single thing. Crying was a new thing for Aya, especially crying in front of others despite the fact that she felt very comfortable with Kitty and Felix. However, Aya had never experienced breaking down completely which happened when Seokjin uttered _those_ words. It felt like the world stopped for a second, all she could hear was a sole lull and she couldn’t breathe. She’d been _that_ close to losing them. Now it felt as if that invisible someone crushed her heart and Aya couldn’t keep it in anymore. Her knees went weak and a horrifying sob of grief left her mouth as tears raced down her cheeks. She would’ve fallen to the ground if Felix hadn’t caught her mid-way in an embrace. He put his arm around her for support and so both of them faced the boys. Aya cried as silently as she could because she still tried to listen to the rest of Seokjin’s speech. Through the tears she could see Taehyung leaning against Jeongguk’s shoulder with his hand covering his face, his back shaking with every whimper. Her gaze went from one member to another, each of them was crying. It was all so honest and blistered. You could even feel the pressure that has been on them that last year, that has been plaguing them for so long. It all ended with the boys gathering in a group hug and despite the heartache, Aya still joined the ARMYs behind her in the crowd and screamed at the top of her lungs. While watching them, she paraphrased a promise in her mind over and over again. _Until the end of time, I will stay by your side._ She wiped her cheeks once more and her heart felt as swollen as her eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lil disclaimer:   
> this is, as you all know, only a fanfiction. Yes, the boys are pretty much played out as in reality but still, this is pure fiction. I got no idea what's on their minds, neither do i have any idea of what they actually went through during that period in 2018. i have no intention to ridicule their feelings. im really just trying to get out another side of the story, of this story; that they're humans too. jus so u know. 
> 
> *also why the boys' dialogues are in italics is bcs it's translated from korean!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dear reader,,,,,i love you（╹◡╹）

**X:** heart to heart

**——**

_That’s a snake plant_ , Aya pointed out in her mind with her eyes fixed on a green plant with long sharp leaves and edges captioned in yellow shaded lines. The snake plant was perhaps four feet tall and lived in a light gray, concrete, low pot. It belonged to the room where it stood by the corner, drunk in sunlight from the windows on the opposite wall. 

”Aya?”, a deep voice said. 

Her eyes drifted to the man in front of her that she’d completely forgotten about. With specs resting on his nose bridge and with a yellow suit on, her psychologist Paul Caron watched her with furrowed brows. 

”Huh?”, she asked and shrugged her head to wake up her lethargic mind. 

It was their third meeting with each other, the sun was out in the otherwise cold day and Aya could come up with an innovative list of other places she would rather be than with Paul at the moment. 

“I asked you a question”, he stated with half-closed eyes and a gaze where ‘ _she’s a complete lost case’_ was written all over it. It took her all her might to not sass him. 

“My deepest apologies Mr. Caron, but would you perhaps repeat your question? I didn’t catch it the first time”, she replied with a honey voice. 

He blinked slowly with a small, tight smile on his lips. 

“I asked you whether you have any interest in meeting someone?” 

Now it was Aya’s turn to blink slowly. Her face was turned into a scowl as her brain tried to process the question. 

“You- you mean like relationship-wise? or-”

Her sentence broke as he nodded. The look on his face was as if he had asked a question about what she thinks about the weather. 

“Uhm…”, she tried to get her act together but this was very much unexpected from her side. And very much personal as well, how could he ask such a question with a straight face? 

“Well... not really, to be honest”

He squinted his eyes. “Why?”

Aya sat still for a second staring confusingly at her psychologist before a snort left out her mouth. _Is he seriously gonna keep up with this awkward question?_

“I already have a lot going on. College and boxing are keeping me busy as it is. Trying to fit in dating in there too would-”

“I must say”, he interrupted, “that your mindset towards love seems to be much on the negative side”

“You wouldn't let me finish!”, she gestured with her arms towards him, “I’m just saying that I already have it very stressful as it is, a relationship now would most likely only cause suffer for my significant other”

“Okay, screw that then”, he changed his position in his seat and for a lovely second, Aya thought that the uncomfortable conversation was over. “How about hobbies? What do you do except studying and boxing… and _competing_ in boxing? he added as she’d parted her lips. She closed them again.

Thinking about it, the instant image that came up in her head was her bed and her laptop displaying Netflix. However, that she could never say. Watching Netflix as a hobby? I think not. But there wasn't much to it other than that. _Is my life really that boring?_

Aya wasn’t noticing how she was anxiously playing with her hands, but Paul did. 

“I think you need more love in your life, Aya”

She locked eyes with him. 

“Love can cover a lot of aspects, it doesn’t necessarily mean dating. You could love a friend, you could love an action - like cooking. You could also love a plant, to the point where you can’t stop taking pictures of it and oops-”, he raised his hand to cover his mouth in an overdramatic gesture, “now I’m talking about myself”

She snorted quietly before lowering her gaze to her thighs once again, playing with her hands but slower this time. _Love._ She already had a lot of love in her life. For her aunt, her friends, boxing, for her coach and manager… Isn't it enough already as it is? Why become greedy? 

”It’s because you're not happy”, he said with gentle eyes as if he had heard her thoughts. ”It’s because deep down you’re not satisfied with your current situation”

A crease got created between her eyebrows. Paul leaned forward in his seat.

”Greed is a common thing in human nature, Aya. Don't stress about it”

When she spoke again her voice sounded fragile and croaky.

”Why is it so important? Love, I mean” 

As soon as the words left her mouth she regretted it. _What's that kind of a stupid question?_ A lull fell over the room and Aya didn't dare to look at him for a while but her curiosity took over. To her surprise, Paul wasn’t holding in a laughter as she’d thought he’d done all this time. Actually, he was stroking his chin and _thinking_ about her question. 

”Love affects your life on a much subtler level than we're acknowledging”, he answered at last. ”Isn't it weird how we get sad when people we love are sad or how we get happy whenever people we love are happy? It's an ongoing circle or a constant chain effect where we react to our loved ones. Miss Lavender, your manager, wouldn't contact me if she didn't care about you and your recent attitude. You being stressed and having lots on your mind caused _her_ to get worried and caused _her_ to stress about how to find a way to help _you_ ” 

_Where’s he trying to get?_

”What I’m saying, Aya is that love is necessary for you and it's also not replaceable. You _need_ love. We all need love, it's a part of our nature. Sure, it takes effort to keep up with your relationships with others and it can give you so much pain. But it surely gives you so much happiness as well. Love is something that triggers every emotion. We, humans, are made to feel all those emotions. So in one case...

...love makes us _live_ ” 

\-----

Aya had lost count on how many concerts she’d been to at this point. She’d gone from never being to one single concert before, to go to ten concerts by one night. However, she wasn’t complaining. It was the opposite actually, Aya had never been more satisfied before when landing in another filled up venue this year as well.

They had reached 2019 and Aya was nearly starting to tear up thinking about the year. _Only if all of these people knew what was slowly heading to them,_ she thought. But then again, would anyone even like to know? 

There were ARMYs around them. _A lot_ of ARMYs. Even Kitty was staring around through the new scene with big eyes. This surely took the first prize as the biggest venue they’d been at so far. Though it wasn’t a venue, according to Felix, it was a stadium. Wembley stadium. 

It was very dark, and stars were adorning the night sky above them. But, there was no need to worry about the darkness. Thousands of ARMY bombs lit up the entire stadium in different yet compiled colors, creating a rainbow. It was _so_ beautiful. Especially when everyone collectively cheered for the boys. _BTS! BTS! BTS!_ echoed in the large stadium. Chills went through her body. The power was so overwhelming, and she was a part of that power. Her heart did a small jump and a smile tugged on her lips before she went off Kitty’s back. As soon as her feet touched the ground her wings disappeared and her blue dress got replaced by her pajamas. She wiggled slightly, in an attempt to get used to her human form and the heaviness that came with it when her wings were gone. Then suddenly, a deafening sound appeared from the crowd, and instantly, Aya looked up at the stage. She couldn't help gasping at the sight of them, she would never stop going like that whenever she laid eyes on them. Cameras didn't do them enough justice! Each one of them was exceedingly ethereal. And their _eyes_ \- the way they looked out on the crowd, on ARMYs, made butterflies in her gut flutter like crazy. _I love you, I love you, I love you._ She wanted to scream that at the top of her lungs, but no words left her mouth. Instead, she stood there, pretty much paralyzed over all the feelings she experienced in their presence. Blood rushed through her ears but got quickly drowned out by the cheering that was surrounding her. Felix screamed too, his voice was loud and most striking but no one seemed to acknowledge it. 

The boys held their ments and Aya was joyous. They were also as stunned as she was of Wembley's vast capacity. It made her giggle. Especially when Seokjin played with the audience and Jimin’s ” _we are going to Wembley?”._ Their entire being was so endearing, and Aya couldn't get enough of it. Then Namjoon announced the last song, but it wasn’t _Mikrokosmos_ that got turned on. It was _Young Forever_ . And at that point, Aya knew, she just _knew_ that she was going to get _so_ fucked up of this.

Luckily for Aya, _Young Forever_ has been one of her most listened to songs by the boys since she heard the masterpiece for the first time. So Aya felt both relieved and proud when singing the song and being familiar with all of the lyrics. Also, thanks to her ”fairy ability” to comprehend Korean, she could skillfully sing all of the Korean parts. 

However, it didn't come to be so much singing from her part though, since in the third verse her voice got stuck in her throat and her vision got blurry. She didn't even need to look at screens to see the boys, they stood right in front of her, solely a couple of feet away. The ”journey privilege” felt certainly like a dream in the current state. BTS had the sweetest response to the surprise event and it sent waves of warmth directly to her heart. Also causing tears appearing and her hands shaking scantily. She would clench onto this memory and feeling for the rest of her being. The feeling of actually belonging to something, the memory of singing together with people she loves - both BTS and ARMYs, and the fact that she was able to experience all of this despite it being in a dream scene. 

It was an overwhelming feeling hearing so many different people screaming lyrics in a foreign language. It was overwhelming seeing the seven men on the stage gaze at all of the singing people with so much adoration that the tears in their eyes looked like stars. Many in the crowd lost it, it got too much for them. Thus, they kept on singing to the song, the song which holds so many varied memories and emotions for each one of them. They kept on singing even though no one was able to comprehend the words due to their harsh sobs between the verses. They kept on singing because they knew how much it meant for the seven ones standing on the stage. The seven ones that they all collectively love a lot. By then, the people that were all originally strangers to one another held hands, cried, and sang so their throat hurt - all connected, and everything was done due to BTS. The band who stood on the stage and thanked God under their breaths while listening to what they thought was the sound of heaven. 

On a night where the small hours were just around the corner, and where heavy dull clouds drifted over the otherwise starlit sky - that was when 90 007 people came back home. Seven men performed, the rest ninety thousand people cheered on. They laughed with one another, sang, danced, and cried. They cherished each other, they appreciated the other, they _loved_ each other. Both had reached peak euphoria. Neither of them wanted to leave, neither of them wanted to get back to the other world, neither of them wanted it to end. No, all they yearned for was to stay here, stay with each other, stay young forever with one another. 

A whole new universe had been created in 2013, for the seven boys at that time and all people around the world that were attached to them. This cosmos was bright, loving, hopeful, and expanded with every second throughout the years. Star by star, the universe got brighter and brighter. They belonged there, illuminating the night sky and being a comfort for the other celestial bodies. Their mikrokosmos became their home. 

\-----

Aya dried her tears with the back of her hand. During the concert before, when she’d watched BTS she could’ve sworn that she’d seen angel wings flaring behind their backs. She’d rubbed her eyes in disbelief and when she’d looked at them again the white wings had vanished. A yawn left her mouth. The fur beneath her body was soft, reminding her of her very much comfortable bed. Right now, she was time-traveling again. Felix was sitting up tall in front of her, his back facing her and their guide, Kitty, was skipping gently in the void of time. Taking them to the next year of her journey. Aya laid with her upper body over Kitty’s back, with each leg hanging on each side of the giant cat. To be honest, it wasn’t that comfortable laying there while gazing up at the passing pictures - memories - from the past year. Her wings were stinging and aching beneath her, it caused severe pain in her back. But she was way too tired to sit up again. 

She rubbed her eyes another time. They had been itching a lot since her last sobbing at the concert. Her eyes weren't used to crying this much, she assumed. She let her arms fall on her chest. It was quiet in the middle-void, Aya kept on gazing up, yet she wasn't paying any attention to the pictures passing by that looked quite familiar to her. 2019 felt so near as it also felt so far away and 2020 felt so eventful but at the same time like nothing has happened at all. Aya sighed. _I make no sense at all_ , she thought. 

”We’re soon entering the utmost wind. You better sit up now”, Felix announced without turning his head. 

Aya let out a curse underneath her breath as she unwillingly sat up. The pain from her wings instantly disappeared but got replaced by a more mental pain. In her heart. Because something was missing, it felt so empty. The numbness lasted for the rest of the journey, up until Kitty’s paws met a solid ground and the new, maybe even last, scene got revealed. 2020. Aya could hear the blood rushing straight to her head, her heart pounding at a quite worrying speed. But could you blame her? She was sitting right beside _Hoseok_. 

Or practically, _Kitty_ was sitting next to Hoseok, but Aya was sitting _on_ Kitty so it should count anyway. This time the fairies were sitting by a wooden dining table. There were big pots filled with steamy stews on top of it together with other foods that Aya couldn’t recognize, placed on white plates. Around the dinner table sat _every_ member with small bowls in front of them and a pair of chopsticks laying beside it. The fairies sat by the edge of a bench by the table. On their side were Hoseok, Yoongi, and Taehyung whilst in front of them sat Seokjin, Namjoon, Jeongguk, and Jimin. Behind them there was a calendar, displaying empty lines of the days on top of a sole word: _APRIL_. Being this close to the members nearly caused Aya a heart attack. When Felix in front of her turned around with cheeks and ears in glaring red and eyes big as plates she however felt that her reaction was quite minor. 

Aya and Felix didn’t know what to do, even a few minutes after their arrival both of them were still nervous as hell. Aya slowly got back to her senses as the seconds passed. The boys had finished eating and were chatting a lot about various stuff that friends do. To Aya’s pleasure, they laughed a lot - their laughter and giggles were music to her ears. Honestly, she felt guilty for intriguing their privacy like this. Even though this was arranged by the Fairyworld and she pretty much had no control here, she still felt like this was something that shouldn’t be provided to her. This was BTS behind the cameras, these people are just seven young friends having dinner together. The fairies shouldn’t be here. 

But the guilt wasn’t enough to cover up the happiness that filled up her body as she watched them chat. Because Aya loved the way their eyes were sparkling. Loved the way dimples were formed in Namjoon’s cheeks whenever he smiled. Loved the sound of Jimin and Jeongguk’s giggles. Loved when Seokjin’s eyes turned into moon crescents whilst he laughed. Loved the way Hoseok laughed with his entire body. Loved how she could get a glimpse of Yoongi’s gummy smile. Loved the way Taehyung spoke with so much enthusiasm when he was excited. They all were so adorable and completely irresistible that it was impossible to take your eyes off them. She was elated to see them all like this, this happy, even though they still must feel pretty frustrated over the current situation. But the blank faces she’d seen in her scenes from 2018 had been way worse. They were still smiling, even behind cameras, that meant a lot. The emptiness she’d felt in her heart before was gone, entirely. 

What Aya didn’t notice during that moment was how much she’d actually fallen for those seven young men. 

Then something happened. It was all so sudden for Aya to realize. During one second the fairies had been sitting there by the dining table, listening to BTS, and the next second they had been in the middle-void again, time-traveling. Aya started wondering what scene she would see now, maybe the future? That was when the strong, chilly wind washed over them. _That was fast_ , Aya thought with anticipation rushing through her veins. A strong light opened up in front of them, making Aya shut her eyes close. She heard a soft sound of Kitty finding footing. Then she opened her eyes. 

Aya gasped for air by surprise. She didn’t know what to believe as her eyes roamed around the bizarre surrounding. The fairies stood on a meadow with the greenest grass Aya had ever seen that reached to her calves, and with gracious wildflowers in different, bright colors. To her left, a forest spread out, with very tall and healthy trees that waved in rhythm with the wind. To her right she saw a huge lake sparkling under the midday sun, the wind making ripples at the surface. Aya got a sudden craving to dig in. She turned back her head and gasped for air another time, this time due to the sight of a dazzling, ridiculously large towered castle in light-colored bricks in front of her. She rubbed her eyes in disbelief, but no matter how many times she rubbed, the castle was still there, standing tall. 

Mace started to stretch out beside her. _Wait, when did we get off her?_ Felix behind her laid a hand on her shoulder, a comforting gesture. She gazed at him, his eyes were filled with that pity again that she’d seen before. But his words felt sweet as honey. 

“Welcome to the Fairyland, Aya”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all enjoyed this chapter, personally I really like it :3
> 
> I would really appreciate it if you could give kudos & write a comment abt what u think abt the au
> 
> ily a lot, have a sweet day!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // homophobia

**XI:** you can(‘t) stay

——

The Fairyworld was basically if someone had turned the set of a studio ghibli film into reality. Literally. And it was something sweet in the air as well. The chill breeze carried freshness from the lake combined with the earthy aroma from the forest and the soft floral scent from the wildflowers around her. Everything also seemed a lot more subtle to her. Her eyes could discern the scenery with a surprising perceptivity, her ears could identify mumbles coming from the lake that was thousands of yards away incredibly well and the sun’s rays were scorching on her dark skin. She felt so present, so alive. Still, it couldn't damp down the horrifying anxiety in her chest. Because there was only one rational explanation as to why she was here in Fairyworld, and not in a new dream scene - her journey had finally reached its edge. 

\-----

The next and final time Aya opened up the door to her psychologist Paul Caron’s office, she thought that it wasn't _that_ bad. Actually, she felt almost excited to begin the meeting. His prior words had been strolling through her mind every now and then over the past week. They were pretty much imprinted in her brain. 

_“...you need more love in your life, Aya”_

_“...isn't it weird how we get sad when people we love are sad”_

_“...love makes us live”_

The words had affected her more than she wanted to admit.

Aya took a quick inhale before pressing down the doorknob. The door opened smoothly and _nothing_ could've prepared Aya for the next moment. In the grey single recliner, _Paul’s seat_ , sat a grown-up version of Aya herself, only with a bigger figure and with her black hair braided in micro braids. The woman got up on her feet when their eyes met. The woman’s dark eyes were moist, eyebrows furrowed in worry. Aya’s grip around the doorknob loosened up and her arms fell to her sides. 

” _Mom?”_

It's gone ages since Aya last met her mom. Her parents had kicked her out from home when they got to know about her sexuality and Aya hadn't gone back ever since, not even to take her things. Her aunt had offered to go back by herself for her, to at least, get some clothes. But Aya had rejected it. _I don’t want to have anything to do with them_ , she’d responded. Her aunt hadn't brought it up after that. They never talked about Aya’s parents, it had become like a silent policy between them. As if bringing them up would leave a curse or something. 

Her mom hadn’t changed much during the past few years. Sure, thin strands were visible on her forehead as well as the corner of her mouth - scars from all the many smiles and laughs. But other than that, her mom looked pretty much the same as what she looked like in Aya’s memory. Long hair, round figure, full dark lips, wide nose, and glistening skin. She looks… well. Pain struck her in the stomach. A haunting voice that usually only visits during the darkest nights rang in her ears. _They’re better without you. They don't miss you. You were just a burden for them._

It took a while for Aya to get a hold of herself. During the time, silence filled up the room. She could feel her mom’s gaze burning at her but Aya _couldn't_ look back. Her eyes were fixed at her feet whilst she repeated to herself that everything was okay. The tears burned behind her eyelids, dreading to break out but Aya would _not_ cry. She would not let herself get defeated that easily. Air from the plants around her filled up her lungs in a deep inhale, then she exhaled, inhaled another time, soothing the sharp anxiety. _I haven't done anything wrong, I am not the one that should be close to tears right now,_ she thought to herself as she embraced herself. Another deep breath. Then, she straightened up and met her mom’s gaze. A pair of identical, painful eyes met hers. With shaky legs, she managed to close the door behind her and walk to the sofa without breaking eye contact with her mom even for a second. She sat down beside Paul, threw up her leg over the other, and crossed her arms over her chest as nonchalant as she could. With a cold and steady voice that even surprised herself, Aya started speaking. 

“This was very much unexpected”

A slug smile formed on her lips, ignoring her harshly pounding heart in the chest. She kept staring at her mom who also seemed to not want to break eye contact. It had become like an uncommunicative fight, where whoever gave up first became the loser, and Aya had gotten her stubbornness from the same woman she was now facing. Paul, clearly uncomfortable with the tension, cleared his throat which startled Aya’s mom. She jumped slightly in her seat, gaze moving to Paul before she realized what she’d done and instantly returned her gaze to her daughter who smirked evilly back at her. 

“ _Ladies_ ”, Paul said in an attempt to break the ice. 

He knew that they would be hard to handle, but not _this_ hard. Paul had no idea what he’d gotten himself into. 

“My apologies Aya, if this was maybe too much for you-”

“No, no, no”, she interrupted with a honey voice poisoned by sarcasm, “Seeing my dear mother for the first since she kicked me out from home was exactly what I’ve prepared for”. 

Aya spoke so steadily that it nearly convinced herself to believe she was completely fine. Even though her blood was boiling behind her skin and tears nearly started to erupt behind her eyelids by all of her overwhelming feelings. She glanced at Paul who watched her with apologetic eyes but she couldn't feel any sympathy towards him. It was him who’d brought the monster here, he gotta have to be responsible for the chaos that came with it. 

“Eva”, he said while turning his head to Aya’s mother.

It cramped in Aya’s heart hearing her name. 

“I contacted you for your daughter’s sake because I believe that both of you ended on way too bad terms to be acceptable for a parent and a sixteen-year-old”

Eva didn’t even look at him, she had started fidgeting with a loose thread on her bag. _Coward,_ Aya thought. 

“And I suppose that you agree, Eva. Since you came”

Eva kept quiet for a long time, Aya thought that she wouldn’t say anything. But her mom surprised her once again. 

“No”, her voice wasn’t more than a whisper but was still enough to be heard. “No, I’m still not regretting what I did that day”

Aya had frozen in her seat, she wasn’t able to move a single muscle in her body and the tears were burning behind her eyes. Isn’t crazy how words could hurt as much as a punch? Still, Aya would’ve preferred a punch instead. 

“But-”, this time her mom’s voice was brittle and Aya looked up only to see her mom with tear-filled eyes looking straight at her, “but I just wanted to see her again”. 

\-----

“Who are we waiting for?”, Aya asked Felix. 

They were sitting on the green grass together with Kitty, not moving an inch since they arrived. It felt like they had been waiting for ages. Even the sun started to set as pink clouds drifted over the orange-colored sky. However, according to Felix, they had only waited for 13 minutes. _It’s your fairy instincts,_ Kitty had explained to her while cleaning her paws, _they become more sharp being here and_ _as a fairy, you feel more restless when you’re not in action doing something._

“Shh”, he hissed at her, obviously irritated over her impatience. “Just wait, it won’t be long”

Aya sighed and laid down in the grass, grunted when her wings got crushed into the ground. Luckily, there was a thick layer of grass so it didn’t hurt as much as it would do otherwise. She stared up at the warm sky. _Was it always this pretty on earth?_ she thought. On earth, she didn’t pay attention to stuff like that. She didn’t pay attention to anything except binging series on Netflix that honestly weren’t even good and isolating herself completely from the outside world (Twitter being an exception). Aya may have taken the “social distancing” way too literally to the point where she even distanced herself from her friends digitally. Her gut cramped when her mind got filled up of going home. _Thinking_ about changing her life was one thing, actually _doing_ it was entirely different. But it felt weird that she soon would wake up back in Marseille, alone. She tried to cheer herself up, _at least I’ll go back and be able to say that I’ve seen BTS like ten times._ The cramp in her gut got soothed. Right, she wouldn’t be lonely, BTS would follow her back to Marseille as well. There she wouldn’t be able to see them but they would still be there, on earth, with her. 

A familiar, delighted voice woke her up from her thoughts. 

“Look what we have here! The cat and the two travelers!”

_Is it…? No, no, no, it can’t be-_

Aya sat up and a tall, white man with silver-colored hair, dressed in a dark blue robe that was matching his eyes stood in front of her. He reminded Aya of a young Lucius Malfoy from Harry Potter. His transparent wings, faded in blue, fluttered faintly and he had his hands behind him, at his back. He caught her squinting eyes staring at him, smirked, and started speaking with a commercial-like tone. 

“Aya Crown. Nice to finally meet you in person”

_Manny._

\-----

Paul Caron thought it would be a good idea to read some short poems from his favorite poem book to make the women calm down before they started talking. Both of the women thought that he just wanted to buy himself some time but didn’t obey. He walked back and forth in the office while reading out loud. Aya listened to the delicate words with only half an ear. In her head, she could still hear her mother’s voice. “ _But I just wanted to see her again”._

Aya remembers the day they kicked her out. She never directly came out in front of them, she never told them that she liked girls, that boys never gave her butterflies in her stomach, but girls did. No, Aya had been _seen_. She’d told them that she was out with a friend, which wasn’t a lie, it was just that the friend in question was a bit more than a friend. Her name was Wen, a pretty Chinese girl in Aya’s class with a sweet laugh. 

They were together in the park, walking with their hands intertwined under the late spring sun. Apparently, her parents had the same idea. After saying goodbye to Wen whereas the girl had placed a soft, quick kiss on Aya’s lips, Aya headed home thinking that the day had been one of her best day’s in her entire life, only to come back to her house meeting her parents that looked at her with so much _disgust_ in their eyes. She never saw them in the park, but they had been there. That’s what they said when they had yelled at her to pack her bag and move out. Aya had stood there by the door, letting them throw all the worst kind of words at her. Her mom had gone up to her, placing shaking hands on her shoulders with tears in her eyes asking if it was true - as if Aya had an incurable disease that would make her die soon. As if a demon had possessed her. Or more fitting, as if she couldn’t accept what her daughter was and that she wished from the bottom of her heart that it all was some kind of joke. It was at that point where Aya realized that if she was going to stay here, she would’ve had to live her life as someone she wasn’t. She could never be herself, constantly hiding behind a mask, in front of her _parents_ . So Aya had shaken off her mother’s hands, walked straight to her room, grabbing the savings she had in her dresser and staying there a few seconds, taking in the sight of her room, aware that it would be the last time she would see it. Then she passed by her parents, the yelling had stopped and they were now eyeing her with blank faces, her mom having silent tears running down her cheeks. As she opened the door her dad had called out her name. _“Stop. We can forget that all of this happened. Let’s say that nothing happened as long as you never do it again. Okay? Stay”._ His voice was desperate and Aya wanted to scream at him. That his words were all lies, that nothing would be able to be forgotten nor get back to normal after this. And by so, Aya had looked at her parents, their faces of pleading, as she shook her head, took another step out, and closed the door behind her. The sound of her dad then screaming _“DON’T YOU EVER STEP A FOOT IN THIS HOUSE”_ and her mom’s sobs behind the door are still haunting her today. Aya had run to Wen where she’d got to stay the night at. The next morning she’d woke up with a new message on her phone from an unknown number; 

_“Hey Aya, it’s your aunt Carlin, you’ll live with me from now on. Send your current address and I will pick you up”._

Paul closed the book in his hands before returning to his seat on the sofa. He smiled, energized once again after the poems. 

“Shall we start then?”

\-----

Aya had once promised herself that when the day came where she would finally meet Manny in person, she would punch him… _hard_ . However, now she thought it would be quite inappropriate to do so from her side. Especially since they had waited for him which most likely also meant that they needed something from him. And she was right. Manny reached his hand forward to Kitty, on his palm laid a closed beige-colored letter. Kitty in her large cat-form tilted her head with eyes saying it all, _are you stupid?_ Manny chuckled. 

“If you can’t take it as a cat then why don’t you transform?”, he said, provoking her. Felix noticed what was happening and took a step forward towards Manny. 

“I can take it”, he said politely even though Aya could see how tense he was, clearly upset. Manny glanced down at Felix, he smiled mockingly.

“No, thank you”, he turned his eyes back at Kitty, “she didn’t seem to have any trouble shifting into a human during the journey. Right, _Kitty_?”

Aya had to hold back her anger with her whole might. Butting in would only make the situation even more harmful. This wasn’t her battle, even though it was about Kitty. 

The cat glared at the pale fairy in front of her. With a faint _POOF!_ the huge cat got replaced by a beautiful woman with blonde hair that contrasted against her golden skin in a tight, violet dress, fitting against the woman’s curves. Felix looked stunned while Manny smiled, satisfied with getting his will through. Aya wanted to hit him. Kitty grabbed the letter in his hand quickly, still glaring at him with dark eyes. 

“You can go now”, Kitty said with the coldest voice Aya had ever heard from her. A smile tugged on her lips. 

Manny froze, still with his hand reached out in the air before he came to his senses and pulled back his hand. He chuckled in an attempt to break the embarrassment, but his ears were flaring red. However, he wouldn’t give up that easily.

“Why can’t I stay?”, he peeked at her and Felix over his shoulder, “you all seem to have it so nice here, especially considering that the girl’s journey is reaching its end”. Kitty stared at him icily. 

“Go”

This time, Manny accepted his defeat and walked away without saying another word. 

They all looked at his back as he got further away from them. When he was beyond hearing, Kitty said an impressively long line of curses. Felix grinned at her. 

“What was that about anyway?”, Aya said, nodding with her head towards the letter in her hand. 

Kitty followed her gaze and she smiled faintly, a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. She looked up at Aya, whose heart skipped a beat, and opened her mouth. 

“I was just about to explain that”, she then looked at Felix who was watching them with a curious glint in his eyes, “but I don’t want to anymore”

Felix got the hint and started speaking in her stead. 

“It’s the final declaration of the journey”, suddenly he sounded sad, “it’s a charm arranged by the most talented fairies. It’ll mark you, and by so you’ll be able to visit the Fairyworld and also have contact with other fairies whenever you’re sleeping”

“I’m going to start sleeping away the entire day then”, she said jokingly but both of the other fairies had straight faces. 

“Unfortunately, the fairy connection is only connected during the night”

“Oh…”

Aya sank her gaze. The wind felt chill against her bare skin, the high grass itching on her calves.

“Don’t worry, Aya”, Kitty looked at her steadily, determined. “We’ll meet again”

She nodded, feeling how her heart got warm. Aya was just about to respond when a surprised gasp left from Felix’s lips. 

His wings were fluttering like crazy and yet his feet stood steadily on the ground. The wings made a loud noise as they flickered against one another and the wind was howling. Aya’s eyes were big, whilst Felix on the other hand only looked sad. He looked at her with his brown, soft eyes. His lips formed words, words that got drowned by the sound of his wings and the strong wind that also played with his long, pretty hair. But Aya could still comprehend the words; _I’ll see you._ Then with a _POOF!_ and a rain of blue sparkles afterward, Felix disappeared. 

A lull fell over them. Aya was breathing heavily, overwhelmed by the sudden event. She couldn’t stop staring at the place where Felix had stood, where he’d disappeared only by a few _seconds_. Now, it was quiet. The sun had set, darkness starting to creep upon them. The wind was still and you could hear faint sounds of laughter from the lit-up castle far in front of them. A cold hand got placed on her shoulder, making her flinch by surprise. Beside her stood Kitty. 

“He woke up”

When they stood this close Aya could identify new details that she hadn’t noticed before. Kitty was at least half a head taller than her, and her iris were ridiculously like sand, incredibly enthralling, and her lips were pink, and _fluffy_. Aya’s heart raced and with blushing cheeks, she raised her gaze and locked eyes with the blonde woman. 

“D-Do you disappear when you wake up?”, she stuttered out. Kitty nodded. 

“That’s why we need to hurry, you’ve already been sleeping for ages”

She stepped away and started to open the letter. Aya exhaled a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. 

Then it started. Suddenly, Aya couldn’t hear anything. She felt her wings fluttering behind her, her entire body tingling. Kitty in front of her froze for a second, watching what was happening with big, panicked eyes. Then she came back to her senses. She teared up the letter and started saying something. But it was too late. All that Aya could hear was a loud buzzing in her ears. All she could feel was the wind on her skin, playing with her many braids, and the high grass brushing against her legs. All she could see was Kitty in front of her, reading the letter out loud, clearly frustrated with veins pulsing on her neck. The last thing Aya saw was a glimpse of a pair of sand-colored eyes looking up from the letter before everything went black. 

In a small apartment upon a big hill of Marseille, under the forenoon sun, a young woman opens her eyes from a long night’s sleep in her bed. She blinks a few times, taking in the sight of her room. And then she cries. 

\----- 

“No”

The words left Aya’s mouth as soon as Paul asked the question. He looked at her with furrowed brows. She stood up and brushed off invisible dirt from her pants. She looked up at her mother, who had moist eyes once again. 

“I don’t want to hear what she wants to say”

She started heading towards the door when someone called out her name. 

“Aya!”

She turned back her head slowly, glaring at her mother who’d also stood up. Her mother looked desperate, and it made Aya happy. 

“There’s nothing more to discuss, mother. You said it yourself, you don’t regret what you did that day” 

“But let me just-”

“No!”, Aya was shouting now, “No, mom. You and dad kicked me out that day! And why? Only because I like _girls!_ ”, she paused to catch her breath. “I like girls. I kissed a girl that day and then you and dad kicked me out!”

The tears had already started streaming down her cheeks and Aya’s voice was shaking as she kept on shouting the words that she’d been carrying for _so long_. 

“I WAS SIXTEEN, MOM. SIXTEEN. AND YOU LEFT ME! AND NOW YOU’RE HERE ACTING ALL REMORSEFUL AS IF YOU STILL DON’T LOOK AT ME WITH DISGUST IN YOUR EYES” 

Her mom’s face was pale but she resisted breaking eye-contact. Paul was long forgotten. 

“I LIKE GIRLS AND I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT”

Aya’s chest raised and fell rapidly with her breaths. Her cheeks were wet from all the streaming tears. She felt so empty, like a shell after an explosion. Memories with her parents from her childhood flooded her mind, dining at an expensive restaurant, singing out loud to the songs on the radio in the car, traveling, laughing, her mother comforting a four-year-old Aya who’d bruised her knee. Everything was destroyed by a night. Her voice wasn’t more than a whisper when she spoke again. 

_“How could you?”_

A new flood of tears erupted and her mother looked at her with a straight face, lips parted as if she was at loss for words. 

And that’s how Aya left her fourth and thereby the last meeting with Paul Caron. She twirled around and left the room, not having enough energy to slam the door after herself. Then she ran all the way home, tears running. Her lungs hurt with every inhale of cold air she breathed in. It felt nice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will officially be the last of this fanfic! stay tuned!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i don’t know if y’all have gotten this but Kitty’s real name is Mace, it’s just that Aya likes to call Mace for Kitty!!
> 
> second of all, welcome to the last chapter of re:live 7 <33 this journey, writing re:live, has been so incredibly fun nd im so thankful for everyone who’s been supporting this - really, thank you so much :((( 
> 
> the next chapter is really just a short notice about how it’s been working on this etc,, nd future au’s i may write hihi so stay tuned ig

**XII:** Because life goes on

——

Aya sat up in her bed, looking through the window that revealed a warm sky, identical to the one she’d seen in Fairyworld. However, it didn’t look as pretty here as it had been there. The clock on the wall told her it was eight o’clock in the evening. Aya sighed, and tears started running again. 

She’d been crying for hours since she’d woke up. She was tired and hungry, but she couldn’t get herself out of bed. That would make it feel as if everything had been just a dream. And it sure hadn’t been a dream… _right?_

Honestly, Aya had no idea. Her journey had been so unreal that it would make sense if it turns out to only be a dream. But the thought of it hurt because she really didn’t want it to be a dream. 

Pink clouds drifted over the sky. If she straightened her back a bit more she would be able to see the sea getting kissed by the orange sun. See rowboats setting off sail from the harbor. See her city getting warmly lit up by the sun’s last rays. But she stayed in the same position, clueless about what she missed out. 

Her brain couldn’t let go of the most recent memories she had. Couldn’t let go of the fact that she didn’t get marked, that she wouldn’t be able to see Kitty and Felix another time. Grief ripped her chest from the inside, making tears erupt from her already swollen eyes. The tears ran over her red cheeks, down to her jaw, dripping down on the soft pillow she had in her arms, pressing against her beating heart for comfort. It was awfully quiet, but Aya wasn’t bothered. She’d reached the highest peak of disinterest. Everything felt meaningless. Everything except… Aya flinched. _Oh, how could she forget?_

The next thing she knew, she was on the floor with her laptop in front of her. Her fingers wandered smoothly over the keyboard. Then it was just a single tap, a sole little tap that was the final act that decided that her loneliness was done for. The melody started playing and she leaned back towards her bed, closed her eyes, and surrendered her dispirited soul to the music. 

The Korean words were foreign without her fairy ability but they still managed to reach her heart, soothing away the pain and comforting her on a subconscious level - healing her destroyed soul. 

_I miss you_

_Saying it like this makes me miss you more_

_Even when I’m looking at your picture_

_I miss you_

Aya spent the rest of her night like that. The tears had stopped some time ago. Nothing was ripping her apart anymore. Because she’d taken the first step of healing. Because Aya, as she was half-asleep at midnight, didn’t feel lonely anymore. Then she let herself sleep. 

\-----

The next morning, Aya woke up to the sound of birds chirping. With furrowed brows, she opened her eyes. There hadn’t been any fairies visiting her during the night. It was true, she _hadn’t_ gotten marked. With shaky fingers she pressed on the keyboard to her laptop, a discharged battery showing up on the screen. She sighed, fully aware that her charger was in her kitchen. She hesitated for a few seconds, considering if it was worth it. She shrugged her shoulders, let her feet lift her from the floor, and then left her room. 

Aya had forgotten during her journey how big of a mess her life is, which is clearly visible taking a look at her apartment. There was stuff _everywhere._ Aya’s flat was quite big, perfect for her as she lived by herself and loved having space. So that’s why it was so surprising how there was pretty much no place at all due to all the packed stuff. Aya still somehow managed to find her charger, barely apparent under loads of plastic bags from takeouts on the counter. Unwillingly, she stayed and twirled around herself. Her apartment was in desperate need of a clean. Her eyes wandered over the sight of her kitchen, then the living room, then down the hallway. Packages filled with her boxing gear on the floor, old takeout boxes on her kitchen counters, the sink filled with dirty dishes, a pile of old mail on the coffee table as well as study supplies, notebooks, and blankets all over her sofa from last semester. Aya blinked at the mess. She genuinely felt ashamed of herself. With slow steps towards the freezer, wondering if she was prepared, she felt a slight tingling feeling lingering through her gut. It was a feeling she hadn't felt for a while. Could it be _motivation_? 

She opened up and got met by an awful smell. It was embarrassingly empty, only with a plate of a now old cheese that had started to mold on the top floor. A smile tugged on her lips, it was so depressing that it was funny, in her sense. Aya closed the door again and tried to get herself together. What should she do? Go to the supermarket and get some food or start cleaning up this mess? A loud rumbling sound from her stomach a second later became the answer and ten minutes after that Aya was ready to go. Dressed up in a cropped tee and basketball shorts, with a tight mask covering the bottom part of her face and a shaggy fabric bag hanging on her shoulder, Aya stepped outside her home for the first time in a very long time. 

Despite the gassing sun, the winds were quite chilly and carried a smell of salt from the sea. There weren't many people out. The young girl strolled down the street feeling surprisingly content. Her AirPods blasted high-tempo songs with familiar voices in which she hummed together with. She walked past houses with similar concrete walls and roofs of bricks that were surrounded by tall, healthy trees that waved slightly back and forth with the wind. The crooked road led to another street where the houses had been replaced by three small, different shops instead. A bakery, a flower shop, and a supermarket which was the biggest one of the three, and the one that Aya stepped into. 

When the girl left the store the sun was hiding behind a thick layer of dark clouds. The winds felt stronger as well and Aya couldn’t even take a dozen steps before raindrops started falling. She gazed up towards the dark sky and something in her chest started bubbling. The raindrops that fell on her face felt refreshing and she found the situation somehow _funny_ . Before she knew it, she began running. With a firm grip around her bag that was slightly heavy by the groceries she’d bought, and a smile tugging on her lips, Aya ran along the same road she took before. She started to get entirely soaked but she kept on running, laughing slightly under her panting breaths. “So What” played in her ears and that was exactly what was roaming through her head at that time. _So what?_

_At the moment you want to give up in the middle of this road_

_Try to yell harder_

_So what what what_

You can’t change your life overnight. That’s something most of us are aware of. It was something that Aya got reminded of that day too. But it was fine while it lasted. She came home, soaked by the rain, then she managed to cook herself a meal, eat it, and then the usual, horrible fatigue started kicking in again. 

It’s a suffocating feeling. The stressing awareness that you’re not doing anything but being unable to change that matter of fact. It’s the way that everything seems to lose meaning, the world turns into a black and white shade and you can’t really see the beauty of life everyone else seems to see. You get tired of everything to the point where you don't even wanna try anymore. Happiness seems so far away, unreachable, and out of sight. She sat by the kitchen table with her upper body leaning upon the solid surface. The evening had already started. Aya hadn't moved her seat in a long time and her bottom had started aching. The girl sat in a space of silence whilst her thoughts were so loud. Sometimes the heavy raindrops from outside met her window with help from a strong breeze. It was a calm sound, hearing the drops of water from above raining down on her window. She liked it. Also not because of the general vibe, but the fact that it rained as if someone there above also felt sad and cried with her. Because Aya did cry, a lot. Crying helped with easing the pain, it was something she’d just now realized. Even though the misery in her chest spread to her entire body with each breath, and she couldn't stop crying to save her life, Aya did find the situation quite soothing. Or at least between the times where she sobbed and loathed her being. But crying by her kitchen table in silence with a stomach filled with real food for the first time in days and rain pouring outside, she couldn’t deny the kind of painful beauty in it. 

\-----

The next day the people living on the second floor in the tall apartment house at Marseille’s hills woke up by the subdued sound of a vacuum cleaner moving over the floor from above. Aya had woken up early with an unexpected but fierce determination to try once again. Maybe it was due to the full 9-hour-long sleep she’d gotten? Well, the young girl began her day by cleaning up the mess portraying in her otherwise spacious living room. The living room was the least messy area in her flat, except for her bedroom. It didn’t take a lot of time nor effort to clean up the space so Aya managed to finish the task without any anxiety starting to crawl up her skin. 

Now Aya was sitting in her bathtub with her head leaning against the edge. Her gaze was resting on the bubbles that were floating upon the water surface. She sat in silence again, the only sound audible being the drops of water that fell from her hand whenever she raised it from the hot, transparent liquid. The weariness from all of the cleaning started to take place in her muscles and she felt incredibly emotionally tired. But also proud. Because even though it hasn’t been a lot she’d been doing, it was still a significant improvement compared to before. And that made her feel proud of herself. Oblivious about it, the corners of Aya’s mouth were faintly curved up in a small smile. Under her breath, she sang a song with her fingertips tapping to the rhythm playing in her head. A sudden feeling of pleasure appeared in her lonely heart. Because maybe her life still had some sweetness left in it that she hadn't got to taste yet. 

Later that day, during lunch when Aya sat in her PJ’s scooping up the last of the lasagna on her plate with a fork, she heard a soft knock on the door. She froze by the sound, her hand up in the air holding the fork, and her head turned towards the door. Her mind instantly went ” _in the middle of a pandemic?”_ until a picture of Felix appeared and she remembered the man’s last words to her; _I’ll see you._ Aya was right in front of the door before the fork had time to land on her plate again. The beating of her own heart was the only thing she could hear as she with trembling hands unlocked the door and pushed down the doorknob. An empty stairwell disclosed in front of her and a sigh of both relief and heavy disappointment left her lips. She sank her head and was right about to close the door again, convinced that she’d only been imagining the knocking when her eyes settled on a letter of lightly beige paper laying on the floor a foot or so away from where she stood. Her heart skipped a beat and she crouched down and picked up the letter. It stood with a firm handwriting _Aya_ on top of it. She gulped. Without a single thought further, she started ripping up the letter. Inside it laid another paper with a short message on it written in a messier handwriting as if they’d been in a rush. Aya’s eyes scanned the message multiple times, read it word for word as her blood rumbled in her ears. 

_It was real, it is real, all of it is - you are not crazy._

_/Felix, the fairy, the ARMY, and your friend.  
  
_

Her dark eyes got moist and a blush started to spread over her cheeks and nose. The door closed shut. She ran towards the windows in her living room that had a great view of the front of her apartment house, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. But it was as empty as ever. With pressed lips and slumped shoulders, she plummeted down on her sofa. The letter was still in her hand and she read it through again and again. And then she saw it. Felix had scribbled down a phone number at the corner of the paper with a small note beside ” _please call me_ ”. Like a rocket, she darted away from the sofa and grabbed her phone laying beside her plate on the kitchen island. With speedy fingers, she tapped down the number whilst glancing at the letter every second or so. Only by half a minute later, her phone had already started its first signal. Aya anxiously strolled around her kitchen as the signals rang in her ears. Her heart was beating harshly in her chest. After the third signal, a faint disappointment began expanding throughout her body. Then it happened. Suddenly she could hear the call connecting and her heart skipped a beat once again. 

“Felix Flores”, he announced with his soft voice. 

Aya was close to tears as the relief and happiness washed over her. Just hearing his voice made her heart swell like crazy. She’d missed his voice so much. However, Aya wasn’t able to say anything herself. It was like her lips had sealed themselves by the sudden shock. So for a few seconds, there was only silence. She inhaled a trembly breath, forcing herself to form words.

“It’s me”

Another lull fell between the callers. 

“...Aya?”, he asked quietly. Aya could hear the slight hope in his voice as he called her name. 

“Yes, Felix”, she smiled, “Hi”

His soft chuckles vibrated through the phone. She could imagine him at that moment, in his PJ’s with a phone pressed to his ear and his pretty smile on his lips.

“Hi”

Then both of them began laughing with eyes moistened. None of them knew why they were laughing. Maybe it was a reaction to the huge relief, maybe it was ‘cause of the ridiculous and bizarre situation they were in but they laughed together, even though they were hundreds of miles between them, they still were able to laugh together. 

The reunited fairies chatted with each other for a very long time. Felix told her that he’d written the letter as soon as he woke up from the journey. After that, he tried to contact the Fairy Community but unfortunately, that wasn’t possible since you have to be physically unconscious during the night to be able to contact the Fairy community. Then during the night he managed to contact them, he met Kitty (Aya’s heart pace accelerated hearing the cat’s name), and Kitty teleported to him the next day, got the letter, and teleported back. 

“But if Kitty picked up the letter the second day after we got back then why didn’t I get the letter until now? I could’ve already called you yesterday!”

“I don’t know”, he claimed, ”maybe something came up?”

“Maybe. So… Kitty was the one delivering the letter?”

”What I'm aware of, yeah”

”So she was the one knocking on my door?”

”Probably? Why are you asking?”

”Well, when I got to the door it was already empty. Why didn't she stay? Doesn't she wanna see me? Couldn't she at least mark me?”, Aya's voice began getting a higher pitch the longer she talked, the last words were penetrating. 

Silence fell over the phone. 

”Aya”, he said carefully, ”I have known Mace for quite some time now, she’s divinely rare. Her way to see the world is… quite fascinating. Yesterday, she and Manny had quite a discussion because he wanted us to wait to find you, he told us to focus on gathering information for an upcoming journey. Do you wanna know what she said?” 

Aya hummed quietly. 

”I quote; _Manny, you just don't understand. Aya’s like an angel with fairy wings, she belongs in this community._ _I failed my purpose as her guide. I need to find her_ ”. He laughed slightly. ”She’s very determined to meet you, so I wouldn't get worried if I were you”

Aya hummed a response. Her cheeks were red, a warmth appearing over her entire body, and her mind was spinning with what Felix had said. _Like an angel with fairy wings._ She broke into a smile. 

\-----

The sun had said its last goodbye for the day as the sky turned into a monochromatic color of dark blue. Across the sky shone the moon in its crescent form, tiny shining specks surrounding it. Aya stood by the open window in her bedroom, the air was slightly chilly but felt refreshing on her bare skin. She stared at the moonlit city she lived in. The crescent moon was reflecting on the still sea. Usually, Marseille would've been filled with folks by now. Folks gazing over the harbor or strolling down the streets, despite the crowdings it would've still laid a peaceful presence over everyone. People often felt an inner excitement going out under the moonlight, Aya should know, it was one of her favorite things when she moved her. But, now the city was dead empty. The only sound filling up the suffocating air being the seagulls chirping as they flew over the skies. It was quite devastating. 

The fairies had stopped talking since about an hour ago. Now where Aya stood in her room, she blended in with the darkness. She'd turned off all the lights in her apartment. There was a unique feeling having it like that, gazing up at the moon with her window opened, sitting in peaceful silence and darkness. It was comforting in a way she couldn't define, watching over a starlit sky made her get reminded of how trivial her being is. She was a peck in the universe, that was all she was, and that was very comforting. Because Aya tends to forget that sometimes, all people tend to forget that sometimes. When we get upset all we can think about is how overwhelming our problems are, it makes us feel anxious, filled up with distress, and nothing feels certain. The world revolves around you and your problems. But the truth is, it's not. You're just a human, living on Earth - one planet out of billions in the Milkyway. We can live partly with the help of our sun - a star out of 200 billion in our galaxy. When you see it like that you realize how minor your existence is. A human's lifespan is about 80 years, why not run towards the future while we still have the chance? Even with all our mistakes and with tears running down our cheeks, why not _go?_

Somewhat hidden by the bushes, Mace sat in her cat form with her eyes fixed on the young girl by the window. Aya didn't see her, it was both a relief and disappointment. Mace wanted to go see her very badly, it was a strange feeling she'd never felt before. She wanted to protect that young girl who had such a genuine but fragile heart. She never wanted to see her hurt. Never wanted to see her in pain. Nor to see her with another… The cat’s eyes expanded by the realization. _Oh no._

\-----

It was morning. The sun had already risen and lit up Aya’s apartment through the windows. Aya had just had breakfast whilst watching the recent BTS livestream. Her plans for the day was to finally get on her boxing gloves and practice for a while. She felt excited, it had been a while. Suddenly, a knock on the door woke her up from her thoughts. It was a familiar knock, the one she heard yesterday. Without thinking any further, she moved towards the door as in a trance. Her blood was rushing under her skin because maybe it could be _her_. She gulped with a hand on the doorknob before she pressed it down. Compared to yesterday, it wasn't empty. Right in front of her stood Kitty in her human form. 

Aya froze by the sight. Despite hoping that she’d been there, she didn't actually expect her to stand there behind the door. She was pretty, as usual. Her blonde hair was tied up and the violet dress had been replaced by a floral printed, long-sleeved one. Aya took in the sight of her. Then, without thinking, she embraced the woman in a hug. 

”I thought I would never see you again”, she mumbled with a brittle voice as she tried to keep the tears away from forming. After a few seconds, she felt Kitty’s hands on her back and her heart skipped a beat. When her mind started working again, she quickly pushed away Kitty. The blonde woman stared at Aya with big eyes, stunned by the action. Aya unwillingly took another step back. 

”I am so sorry!” she let out loudly, ”I know we’re in a pandemic, I just couldn't think straight!” 

Her cheeks reddened and Kitty couldn’t stop the smile that spread over her lips.

”Aya, I’m not from your world. I’m a magical cat from the Fairyworld, I can't catch any virus nor infect anyone else!”, Kitty declared.

Aya let the words sink in before she threw her arms around Kitty’s neck. 

”Thank god for that” 

She felt Kitty’s body shake by the chuckles and Aya smiled. 

They stood in Aya’s living room, a distance of two feet between them. 

”You ready?”, Kitty asked. Aya nodded. The blonde woman unfolded a rolled paper she’d had in her hand, then she started reading what stood on it. Aya listened with attention but didn't understand a thing, it was an old language, still in French but she couldn't recognize many of the words. After a minute or so, Kitty grabbed her wrist and Aya felt a burning sting in the center of her wrist. It didn't hurt, she was a boxer, she was quite used to pain. The sting didn't last for more than a few seconds, and Aya analyzed her wrist in an attempt to find any sign of a mark. There was none. Then Kitty let loose of her grip and Aya’s arm fell down her side. 

”And so it is”, Kitty stated. Her sand-colored eyes were locked onto Aya’s and reflected genuine happiness. ”Welcome Aya, you’re officially a part of the Fairy Community”

\-----

 _Thump thump thump._ Aya was stepping nervously by the entry while cursing herself for being so nervous. She had the playlist ”BTS hype songs” playing in her ears as she waited until it was time. She peeked through the door to catch a glimpse of the ring, and immediately her heart started pounding rapidly again as if she’d come back from a mile-long run. It had gone way too long since she stepped a foot onto that ring, the competition ring, and she hated to admit how uneasy she felt. But she had practiced since summer, she’s even in a better form than she’d been before the quarantine started. It was December now, the temperature had sunk but the sun was still out occasionally in Marseille. She was going to meet up with Kitty tonight, they had been meeting up with each other consistently since she got marked. Felix says that it’s quite obvious that they’re dating, but Aya doesn't wanna make a comment on that. Her phone gave off a ring sound, making Aya flinch. She grabbed her phone from her pocket, unlocked it, and a message revealed on the screen. 

_Good luck today <33 _

It was from Felix and Aya hurriedly texted back a thanks to him. 

”Aya!”

She put her phone back into her pocket. 

”Yes”, she answered. A tall, curvy figure moved towards her. It was her manager, Ms. Lavender, with her long red hair loosely over her shoulders. 

”It’s time”

Ms. Lavender had a mask on but Aya could still tell that she smiled underneath it. 

”I guess it is”

She inhaled sharply as her manager laid her pair of boxing gloves around Aya’s neck. 

_I am Aya Crown, a professional boxer. The world’s best boxer actually. And I will fucking win this,_ she repeated to herself. Confidence is key, she’d learned that ever since she met her aunt. She took another inhale. Then Aya walked through the entry to the ring. It was weird to not see any in the grandstand, once again she started thinking about BTS, wondering if this was how they felt when they’d performed with no crowd. 

As soon as she stepped onto the mat in the ring, her uneasiness disappeared. A sudden calm fell over her as if her body finally got familiar with the setting. It was the ring, she’d been here countless times before, this was her territory. She took off her AirPods and took on the gloves. She smiled confidently as her opponent entered the ring. _I got this,_ she whispered to herself. Her body was tingling with excitement, her eyes burning with fire, her heart pounding harshly in her chest, she felt alive. She felt _so_ alive. 

Aya’s Airpods we're still on where they were in her manager’s hand. They blasted with a calm song, contrasting a lot to what Aya listened to before, it was a song with a soothing melody and soft voices which were very audible if you paid attention. 

_Like an echo in the forest_

_The day will come back around, won’t it?_

_Just like nothing happened_

_Life goes on_

  
  


[the end]


	13. RE:LIVE 7 BEHINDS

Hi dear readers. I’m Sara, the writer behind re:live 7. 

Thank you so much for your love and support, I truly am grateful. This fanfic has been so fun to make and I’m quite surprised at the fact that I managed to finish this project (I usually just start projects and never finish them..) but re:live meant so much to me and it was so fun to write. It’s been a lot going on in my life this year (I think it’s been like that for everyone). For me, it was especially during summer and fall, and during that time writing helped me to escape for a while. 

During the process of writing re:live I may have added a lot to the plot that wasn’t there in the beginning tbh. The original storyline that I planned out last summer became only the guideline and then I added things to fill up a plot. For example, Felix was a character I only added on while writing the first chapters because I felt as if something was missing, and then suddenly I got an idea and went with it lol. The same thing was with Paul Caron, Manny, and Aya’s relationship with Kitty - those were not in the original plan. So a lot of it could’ve failed since I wasn't planning any of those from the beginning. But I think it turned out nicely. I tried to tie it all together as well as I could and I did wanna show a lot about the protagonist so that you could understand the meaning of ”the journey” a bit easier. I’m aware that a lot of the story was about Aya which is why I added original work to the tags about halfway through the series because I realized how much of it that was non-BTS-related. 

This was my first-ever fanfic and I’ll surely write another one in the future. But I won't set a specific date or so because next semester will be pretty busy for me so I’m questioning whether I will start anything by the new year or towards the summer as I did this year. But we’ll see I guess. We’ll let time decide. 

If you wanna keep up with me, then my twitter is @ serendipityt34r 

Once again, thank you so much <333


End file.
